Eternal sunshine of a filarial mind

2011-09-10T11:47:00.000-07:00

2010-04-27T16:26:00.001-07:00

I am free!!

UPON REFLECTION

2010-04-20T09:59:00.001-07:00

Akṣapāda Gautama’s Gurukul…

“What is the difference between good and evil Guruji?” I asked. Gotama replied without opening his eyes,” Good is what you do onto others without expecting anything in return which is beneficial in its effect. Evil is what you do with the intent of harm onto others.” I absorbed what was said and queried further, “Guruji, why is it important to do good deeds and not what is called evil?” Gotama still did not open his eyes. He never got tired of the questions his sishyas came up with. But over the years his responses had become stereotypical. He replied,” Young one, I have already introduced you to the theory of causation. You should have inferred by now that cause and effect should be homogeneous in nature, and yet the effect is a new beginning and was not already contained in the cause.” I was ready for this response. I had contemplated for half a year now and this was the way I had decided to draw out Guruji. I responded,” Guruji, I have been doing something for six months now. I steal half a liter of milk every day because I know like clockwork the cowherd’s schedule. The conundrum has stupefied both Mataji and the Cowherd as to why the cow has been giving half a liter of milk less for the past six months as he knows through inference of the milk giving capacity as related to the weight of hay fed and its ankle size. Now though the Cowherd does not say anything in front of Mataji he curses the cow when alone for his repute is at stake. If I did not confess now nobody would ever have known. I did so called evil deed and yet other than the silent curses there was no other effect. And I am also at peace with myself. And yet it is evil… What is that explains this situation?” Gotama opened his eyes,” Young one… what is it that you seek?” I replied honestly, “The truth guruji…” Gotama,” Young one, it is time for you to continue your journey. I have imparted all the knowledge that I can… I can give you an answer but you will not accept it because you want to back anything that is said through the experiment of self. But young one- Do not forget the primary knowledge of Causality that I have imparted. In the case that you present your inference of the effect was easy because the inputs were controlled. Remember that young one.” I was scared at the answer that I got for this was not what I expected. But I said abhivadhaye and asked, “Guruji, what is it that I can offer as guru dakshina… “

Zen Arcade- 2000 so years later…
Have you ever heard of the band Husker Du? They came out with this album in the eighties called Zen Arcade that changed the phase of music. Almost every decade had such an album one could argue but it (actually an album, a book or a movie) took meaning when one comes across the idea being presented for the first time in his or her life. The album followed the adventures of a disoriented young kid who is disillusioned by his parents and the environment he is in and decides to head out into the world to seek the truth. As the album progresses so did the young kid – he experiments with sex, religion and drugs along the way and then returns home, apparently back to square one, having discovered the world outside is even worse than the” safe haven” that was his family. The album ends with a ghostly song called “Recurring Dreams”. To me everything in the album made sense. I have always toyed with this idea. What If there is no ultimate truth? But the thing is each has to experiment in order to prove to him or herself. Some of us accept it after a little experimentation that we have found god and ultimately it will be revealed as to why is that things happen as they do. Insanity I say! But what is the alternative.
I had an alternative that I had pondered with for years together now… and it made sense….

1930 years ago…
It had been thirty years since I had left the Gurukul. And yet I found myself walking into the valley again. Guruji was on the throes of death and had summoned me. I somehow did not feel pity at his shriveled old body when I saw him. I had found that death did not affect me as much as life did. I don’t know why but over the years I had learnt that dealing with my inner thoughts was the first step to learning to deal with others. I touched his feet and sat beside him. He whispered,” Young one … “and he looked at me fondly. He continued,” What is it that you have learnt? Tell me…. “I looked at him with almost anger…. “Nothing guruji… absolutely nothing! I do have a better understanding of the world around me or the people that reside here. But the question that I asked you years ago still hounds me. And now I have thirty years behind me to make a perfect argument that even you Guruji will not be able to counter. Yet I cannot get myself to do something truly evil” I sighed. Guruji smiled at me, “Young one to me it was not as much as finding the answer as developing tools of thought. The fire you had in you and that still burns in you burns in me even as I feel death come upon me. I am sure you have by now thought about…. “And I looked at him… it was not possible… how could he possibly know! And he smiled and continued, “There is one explanation that conscience must hold the true answer to all that… “

1945 years since the Gurukul was left for the first time
I stood there observing a two week old kitten. He was furiously scratching the concrete floor and looking confused and then sat upright and… I yelled, “Bad Kitty!” The next day I saw a similar confused scratching and I carried him outside and put him on the ground. He continued to scratch and then I realized he wasn’t scratching but digging. He dug a neat hole and the sat in the hole and did his thing. When he was done he got up and covered his poop with mud making sure the hole was filled! I was pretty amazed and it got me thinking. I wondered about the preprogramming that was innate to every living thing. I contemplated the concept of conscience and how it hounded humans into doing the right thing in more cases than less. Where is it that this was passed on from for you were born with it. I wondered.
1930 years before the Husker Du incident:
I looked at Guruji and said, “But you have never fed that idea to me Guruji.” I was a little out of my element. Guruji smiled,” Young one, the day that you put forth the conundrum for the first time I inferred you would reach the same conclusion. But I had to wait for the experiment to happen and confirm the result. So what is it that you concluded? Did you reach the same conclusion? The only way to truly break away from conscience and yet not affect causality! ” I slowly replied, “I think Yes… that you …. “I stuttered a bit”You… ummm commit... “He looked at me eerily and completed, “SUICIDE! But how? But how? … How do you create the perfect accident?” I looked at him and whispered… and with that he took his last breath … I got up.
1930 Years before the Husker Du Incident and at that time too
I walked into the empty space. It was time to commit the act. But it was very important to create the right conditions. It meant freedom. True freedom. Maybe many people had come upon this conclusion and had carried it out. But the knowledge truly remained a secret because no one had lived to talk about it. Ha! I smiled ironically. All knowledge that Is passed on can only be applied with the physics of this world that surrounds us i.e., the interaction of Purusha with Prakarthi. But that was all an illusion and the conclusion that I had independently reached had been inferred by guruji as well. It had to work!

I walked into empty space. It was time to commit the act. But it was important to create the right conditions. It meant freedom. True Freedom! Maybe many people had come upon this conclusion and had carried it out. But the knowledge truly remained a secret because no one had lived to talk about it. Ha! I smiled ironically. It had to be done this way; the inference of the kitten was but the start point. This was the only way to let’s say short circuit the system!

The conditions were right. I had planned every detail to the second; death came at all simplicity and…. I was free! I opened my eyes…. I was blinded and I heard a voice….. A strange form of communication but I somehow understood, “You almost got away the very first time you tried this... To think! Ha!” I felt a sort of eeriness… It was unbearable….
A baby was born somewhere… somewhere… and she cried…

“Filarial was listening to two bands as he inferred the truth- “Pavement” and of course “Husker Du”. He likes to back his fiction with facts.”

The Girl with the Dragon Tatoo

2010-04-03T13:19:00.000-07:00

I was watching this amazing movie- The girl with the dragon tattoo when I noticed something funny that I cant figure out. It was a foreign language film (for me that is :D) with subtitles. At the peek when I was totally engrossed into the film I did not find my self " reading " the sub-titles. Reading as in hearing my voice in my head talking the words out loudly.. :D but as soon as i discovered this I started doing that and couldnt stop.. and then without knowing it I was engrossed in the movie again. I felt it reminiscent to falling asleep.. :D I can never put my finger on that one moment when sleep suddenly comes.. :D

2009-11-17T16:00:00.000-08:00

all the times you came to me
and told me that you cared
i was dreamin of happy days
that we can both could share
maybe i got too excited
and maybe you freaked out
maybe i just have to call you up
and scream and shout
all of my friends tell me
that i ought to play it cool
no one likes too much attention
from a desperate fool
still i dont believe
that i can keep it all inside
when i see your pretty face
i almost want to cry

i know it isnt right
but still i have to fight
i have to let you know
i dont wanna let you go
the pain is killing me
but i cant let it be
i have to let you know
i dont want to let you go

i remember the days
when i was stronger than a wall
try as anybody might
they couldnt move me at all
now i fall to pieces
when you softly call my name
goin up in smoke
rings a moth within your flame
i have lost all hope
for being normal once again
i will be a slave to you
untill the bitter end
even if its a hundred years
before you change your mind
i will be here waiting girl
until the end of time

i know it isnt right
but still i have to fight
i have to let you know
i dont wanna let you go
the pain is killing me
but i cant let it be
i have to let you know
i dont want to let you go

i know it isnt right
but still i have to fight
i have to let you know
i dont wanna let you go
the pain is killing me
but i cant let it be
i have to let you know
i dont want to let you go

A reply

2009-11-09T09:22:00.000-08:00

"Asuri Sudarsanan said...

achievement huh?
this philosophy is called Nayyayika Vaisheshika given by Akshapadhar (Gautama Muni), according to which, when Vaisheshika gnanam (conciousnes knowledge about this universe) dies, you get liberated.

well explained, researched, debated and trashed already :P"

Impressive. But not really.. :D I have always known that every thought that I have was probably thought of an debated in through the annals of time. Let me ask you to clarify your comment a litte and maybe push forth an argument. When you say "explained, researched and trashed" what do you mean?

For a strong philosophical thought to occur- one must have had an equally strong experience. But to debate and trash one needs only so called logic. The vedas or the puranas do not provide us the armory to say that something is wrong or this is my experience .. this is logic.. hence this must be true..:D So any place that it has been trashed has been through the interpretation of other individuals .. however advanced might be their thinking they have not found any ultimate truth. To be so strongly apposed to an idea one must have an equally strong reason other than what is debated.

So for me- I have been through an emotionally torrid time... and hence such a thought occurred. I question existence and no matter what someone else suggests- be it debated before it will not convince me else unless an experience does so. To be concise I do not seek answers to satisfy myself but question my experience and innate conscience and conscience is different from "conciousnes" of what it is that surrounds you.. :)

Crazy Paranoid ideas.. :D

2009-11-08T20:40:00.000-08:00

Ok.. so I am gonna try and present a paranoid idea.. lets see how this goes:

What if the earth and the solar system was designed to be a mighty prison and the concept of a conscience was created to stop someone from escaping this prison.. the greatest ever programming achievement ever!

2009-11-04T18:25:00.000-08:00

He sank into the tub... lower ... lower... lower....

She looked so happy. He was hugging her... she was soo happy.... they were dancing.

He sank lower. He had broken a personal rule. He never drank alone. Today he did. He sank lower.

They lived happily ever after.

Darkness

2009-10-13T18:31:00.000-07:00

I saw her in her glory
Fascinated by the love she showed
Blinded by my own cowardice
I said nought the others blatant

She waited till my hay was reached
troubled by the control I seek
Little did she see the cowardice
hidden beneath

She left in a haze
having no other choice apparent
but I was left in the trail
seeking no one apparent

I blame her absolutely not
Her reasons solid and very sane
but the pain that is there
just dosnt go away

Darkness preceeds and succeeds
All Can see is the this movie play over
based on the seasons starting with summer
Leading to a cold bleak winter

Throughout your hopes are kept alive
in the thought that it will end in spring
but the movie ends in a cold dark winter
Abruptly at that and no more

you are left in a wake of selfish sadness
But you will never recover
A verdict that had been passed a long time ago
and yet someone up there laughs in jest
For I do not see what it is that pans out

Resurrection

2009-10-06T19:40:00.000-07:00

Its been quite painful coming to this space... but i guess an outlet is an outlet... I made an observation years ago when I read the lord of the rings. In the end once Sauron is vanquished and everybody is back to happy ways and so called eternal happiness Frodo is lost. Lost completely- so much so that he starts keeping to himself except for Sam. As you read on- there are some very beautiful points of views-- of one's lost innocence -- how frodo has been posioned too much in his soul to continue a meaningless existance of finding a wife... raising kids ... being "Happy" on society's terms and leading a "good life"... to poisoned too enriched in a way ... the meloncholy that Tolkien creates is mind numbing... I remember being very uncomfortable as if one day... one day...

2009-06-30T19:23:00.001-07:00

RIP

The Calcutta Chromosome

2009-05-19T21:12:00.001-07:00

I am ashamed to even admit this but I hadnt read a book in three years now other than the last harry puttar.. :D that hasnt stopped me from buying books though .. for I knew one day i would break my rut and I would need a lot of books then.. :|... :D MS kids me about that with a raised eyebrow every time I say I stopped by a Barnes and Nobles.. :D Anyway finally the rut has been broken! I am halfway through this book by Amitav Ghosh a gift from S about a year and a half ago on my birthday... until now I got to say its the best conspiracy book ever.. the shunting between time history and characters is extremely well done without losing track of the plot.. brilliant until now!

PS- Weezer is awesome!

PS PS- just finished the novel.. Brilliant simply Brilliant!

I am getting old.. :( ~(_8-(!)

2009-03-05T10:57:00.000-08:00

I recently started working at a new place. I stopped by the recruiters office a couple of weeks ago to do the paperwork. When I came out I thought " Do I remember her face? Will I recognise her If I saw her on the street again? " I was so in my own world I thought I really didnt notice. And then I thought" Heck - How does it even matter"... and everytime I have had a cocky thought It sure has come to bite me in the ass .. :D As luck would have it she was visiting my work place and passed by my cubicle and says" Heyyy Prashanth ... hows it going?" and I turn around dazed.. not recognising her.. and in a confused voice followed by ackward silence " Hey not to bad" and then another confused smile.. fortunately she was clld away before I had any further chance of making an ass of myself.. :D and then it all came back... :D God! she must think I am such a moron....

“Open Windows-Closed DOORS”

2009-03-02T20:42:00.000-08:00

I wrote a screenplay for a short film a while ago... I had hoped by now I would have filmed ..:(...

*Focus on open window- Sounds of cars passing by. Gerry is crabby to have to wake before his alarm goes off. Disoriented he closes the window. Alarm goes off. He curses- bangs on the alarm clock. He makes his way to the bathroom. He closed the bathroom door. Focus on the bathroom door. Sounds you hear- - washbasin- toilet is flushed—shower—scenes are speeded up between sounds to give the effect of a larger time passing by. Gerry comes out. He looks better but is still not happy. He plays some music—Bob Dylan – “Hurricane”… his phone rings. He walks up to the phone and sees the caller id—He smiles big time!*

He picks up the phone and
“ Hey—hows it going? *pause* good good—I am glad you called (has that big smile on his face. ) you know I didn’t mean all those things I said earlier do you—did I say I am glad you called?
Yeah I have been busy. I watched a few more movies-- you saw what? Come on how could you go see that! You are much better than that…
I saw this movie – an Isreali movie called “the Bands visit” babe ( it is only now that ppl realise you are talking to a girl).. yeah I was blown away by the visuals. The humor was so subtle and yet so powerful and the aspects of life that are brought out were awesome. It touched my heart and soul. Even in the ending they should dignity of one charater – needs of another – and a youthful craziness all in a mellow scene—the power of visuals!

What? … what do you mean you wudnt watch a jewish-arabic flick.. how can you say that babe…*his voice starts raising* oh come on babe that’s what the whole movie represents it is trying to present the real culture of the arab world—the peaceful side that dominates and you never get to see < becoming more passionate—what do u mean I am a traitor *pauses*

"You cunt!—what the hell do you mean--- how can you say a thing like that—you fukin…

Babe babe I am sorry *starts crying--- you hear a click* he hangs on to the phone

Still hanging on to the phone he looks at a pink bunny--- he stops crying

“What do you mean—what – what are you trying to say--*phone drops to the ground-- he looks scared*

I cant—I cant--- I cant kill her – no * head hangs down * - I cant you don’t understand—I love her

"Stop stop please stttoooooooooooooooop * in pain picks up a knife*

*Starts laughing stingingly* "you know what I am have had enough of this u pink bastard--- *Laughs again and then screams in pain as he stabs himself and falls to the ground*

Camera focusses on the telephone—we see it is disconnected--- to the bunny-- it splits open—u see something a dust cloud escape…

Sounds in the background—“ Here comes the story of the hurricane…”

Sometimes ....

2008-11-01T00:41:00.000-07:00

A long time ago .... when I think I was in the 11th std ... I was playing in a house cricket match. I never was much of a cricket player ... more a soccer player... but being assistant house captain I was there to fill the numbers. The other team was winning and it was down to one partnership that we weren't able to break. And everyone on the team was angry with me for giving away a strategy - I blurted out there is no fielder at square leg which was the team strategy that I didn't pay attention too... :D ... anyway I was at mid wicket sulking a bit when an over throw came in my direction. I chased the ball turned around and threw it back. It bounced twice and hit the wicket on the bowlers end. And then everyone started shouting and came running towards me. I didn't comprehend what had happened cause I thought the runner was well in. Apparently he hadn't grounded his bat! That was the turning point in the match.. :D

Anyway all these years later I remembered that incident right now cause I am in a similar situation in life.. I am chasing the ball... turning and throwing blindly and hoping its a turning point....

The thing about time travel...

2008-10-05T19:10:00.000-07:00

The year: 2030
The place: Peoria, IL

The city was bustling and thriving. What was thirty year as ago but a small town was now one of the biggest and most modern of places. People all over... Pushing shoving bustling trying to get to work. It was mid Monday morning... No one heard him scream. They trampled over him not even noticing his sudden appearance. He finally managed to get up and brush off the foot marks of his coat. He hadn’t been injured much but for a few bruises. He walked into mall in front of him with a smile on his face.

The story:

“I do not believe time travel is possible”, I remarked. There had been about 7 rounds of scotch that had done the rounds. Scott looked up at me dazed and said,” Like I care.. Go F yourself you horrid…” He didn’t mean it.. I laughed…. That’s when the pager rang…

I washed my face with cold water as did Scott. We drove as fast as we could to the intersection of Patterson and Helding. There was shriveled body of a 67 year old lady on the pavement.. I must have been seeing things… Scott headed towards the body as I stood back… I was sure I had… I had.. Seen a ghost? … couldn’t be… it had been but for a second… but no it was not possible… must be the scotch talking I reminded myself…

I looked down at the body. No signs of a homicide and yet it was one. Just like the seven others- she was a “Perry” too. Soon Destiny Perry was at the scene, the last of them. She was the last of the Perry’s, God she made me…. She smiled at me… and then looked down at her aunt. She slipped something into my palm.

Three hours later I was at decrepit pub in this fucking loser place called Peoria. But what made the difference in my attitude this lovely night was a Ms Perry who was sitting across me. She smiled coyly at me and then told me what I had been missing on the case all these months. I was about to say something when…. I screamed…. She moved slightly … a pointed sort of thing missed her my millimeters.. the ghost!

I Jumped up at it….. I was pulled into a Vortex and the last thing I saw was Destiny look with surprise at me…

He didn’t know I was with him. He didn’t see me follow him into the mall. I couldn’t believe the place I was in. I saw him go into a shop with the name- Destiny’s Macks- the Future… I walked in and he was facing me, smiled and said, “Hello Father…My billionaire father ... I killed because you asked me too… I can’t tell you more”
Something struck me and I lost consciousness…

I woke up in Destinys arms… and she was crying softly … and as I opened my eyes she gave a sigh of relief and kissed me hard…. I was dazed…

Sisters

2008-08-16T11:00:00.001-07:00

Talking about sentiments is never easy
when there is humor to always bank upon
and being from a family of humorists
which I am sure you did not know
makes it all that much tougher
or so I say

I was talking to a friend named Joe
and he said whenever he was on the telephone
with his sister that is
his shoulders would ache after an hour
for that is how much they would laugh
each time they were on the phone

I found this story remenicient
of conversations with both of thou
and I cherish these conversations
sometimes long and sometimes short
that make me forget how far I am
from people who care so much

which comes to the point I am trying to make
though far from it I might seem
words are the most powerful sentiments
and that is how I wish to express
my love and gratitude to have sisters as thou
and just say wish you both
all the success that can be behest by a loving bro

Happy Rakshabandan..:)

She is also saying the same thing only

2008-07-26T09:56:00.000-07:00

I was walking down a beautiful road
And minding my own business at that
When a young boy not of four
Came up the other way
Sucking on his little sucker
Looking serenely at his mother

Look at that fat uncle he said
And sniggered at his mother
And his mother said
“you do not call “fat” people
Fat young one .. mind your manner”
And smiled at me as if
She had just done the greatest thing
On the planet earth

Affronted I was at what she said
More so than what the little child
Commented in his innocence
I presumed
I could not help saying
“Excuse me madam
But what is that supposed to mean?”

She was a little frightened at my
Strong baritone I presumed
For she blinked her eyes twice
And looked at me with a smile
The smile gave way to laughter
An uncontrollable laughter at that

My blood was now boiling
What a rude lady at that
I was going to say things
And yet the gentle me won out
For there was a young one in the vicinity
But something had to be done

I looked at her sternly and said
“ Madam please… think of what
Example you are setting for the young one..”
My look must have scared her a little
For she started controlling her laughter
And I thought a lesson I had taught her
And was feeling a little smug

And then I heard her say between her
Controlled bouts of laughter
“your zipper sir…”

Maniac

2008-06-30T16:08:00.000-07:00

Dedication- to the bestest scrabble player I know! inspiration for me into the realm of SF...

Somewhere at the edge of some galaxy

The alarms sounded. There was frenzy with all the security bots sheltering hither and thither. A space ship lifted off the facility. He was in it and left out a cry. Having been imprisoned for the last 40 years in solitude would have driven any entity mad. But not he…

They were on his tail. He knew what had to be done. He had worked on this plan to the very last detail. He was only one hyper jump away from the third planet from a distant star. He had chosen an oblivious primitive habituated planet. He put his invention to motion. He used his newly acquired ship sensors to sweep the planet. He zoned in on the baby that had the highest probability of survival. As he entered the planet’s atmosphere his invention started to miniaturize everything around him. So much so that when he reached his target he was but the size of a virus that penetrated the baby’s soft neck and embedded itself in the cortical space below the medulla oblongata and leeched onto the human system for nourishment.

Age 10

He stared at the dog with no fear in his eyes. His eyes were blood red and his fore head was throbbing. And then he gave a maniacal laugh. The dog was twice his size and charged at him. He stood his ground.
Let it come towards him. And as it jumped at him jaws open he took a quick sidestep. The dog missed him by inches. But in that the dog had lost its vantage point. He was quickly onto him and in a swift motion started strangling the dog. He laughed and laughed. He derived pleasure in seeing the dog suffocate to death. He saw it struggle. The dog was nothing but an “it” to him. His neck throbbed. it always did when he killed. He walked back into the recesses of darkness.

Age 25

It was all over the papers. Some smart criminal psychologist had pieced together the relation between 75 homicides in the last 10 years in 25 different countries. They had tried to put into effect a pattern but there was none. In that they were stumped. They did not know who the next victim was. In which country would the next corpse turn up? They had no idea. But this was the kind of challenge that the CP (what the criminal psychologist was called among his peers) had been striving for. To put into effect a moral code and show other people how callous they were and how dedicated he was. It was but a farce.
He laughed to himself perversely. But he had learnt to live with the perverseness. He vowed to track the bastard responsible down. His vow was known to all.

Somewhere…. He looked about. The way he killed became more complicated with each kill. He had to. Otherwise there was no pleasure. He was in a crowded airport. He picked his next victim with a smile. A middle aged faggot… that’s what it looked like to him. He went up to it and asked, “ do you have a light mate?” … it did not answer and ignored him. The faggot was also nothing but an “it” to him. He picked a pressure point. In a swift motion he put a pin in the cutinal marxis nerve in the neck. No one saw him do it. Not even the faggot. He stepped aside and watched him fall down. People gathered around the faggot. He stood there and saw the face of the faggot. He was smiling. He was in extreme pleasure. Others closed their eyes. They thought the faggot was having a heart attack. Three minutes of agony later the faggot finally stopped breathing. He still did not walk away. He continued to stare and smile.
And then he walked away.

The CP looked down upon the victim. He knew it was the work of the bastard he was trying to track. And yet again he had left no clues. He had killed the man with a sterilized 0.2 mm needle in a crowded airport. The CP smiled to himself. Everyone makes a mistake he thought and when this bastard made his he was going to be there to nail him. The intrigue of it all drove him insane and yet that’s what he strived on. The CP commanded the team with a flurry of instructions….

Some years later

The leech detached from the cortical space and left the body through the neck….

He looked at the mirror… he took the nearest object a shoe…. The mirror was broken…. He wailed… he cried… his anguish was known to none… all those faces … no more its…. He could not understand it…

He drove up the hill to the highest point. It was dark and yet to him it was too bright for he could see himself. He saw the city lights all round him now that he was up there at the highest precipice. The CP devised what he was suffering from. He was the killer and yet he did not know it till now… his eyes were blood shot. He had used a knife on his hands body chest…. There was dry blood moist blood fresh blood all over him and yet the anguish was much more hurtful than the physical pain. He cried out…. His vow came back to him and for that brief second he smiled… for he had caught the bastard after all… and he jumped ….

The edge of the solar system:

There was maniacal laughter in the space ship. Nobody was looking for him anymore. The ship was back to normal size. He had made his plan work. He had known all along it would work. He laughed again… and again… and again…..

The Zombie song

2008-06-14T19:04:00.000-07:00

So I met a Zombie
in the middle of the night
Driving down highway 54
Which adds up to nine

He had just one thumb
Which was just right
For he was waving asking
For a lift to get
On his way to wherever

I was a bit drunk
So I stopped to pick him up
He got into the car
And gave me a smile
Or so I thought cause
There were no teeth

He said thanks for stopping
No one does that anymore
And so it had taken him a year of walking
And yet he was far from the place he
Wanted to go

Nobody understood him he said
Everybody was afraid of him
Some who saw him
Said he was just a figment of their imagination
And looked away

And others were not so kind
And waved a cross at him
As if he would disappear
And close their eyes in fear
But not one liked him

He was a bit gloomy for
He was the only one of his kind left
Not willing to move on
Stuck in a reality that was not his
And yet he was the one who was scared

Scared of compromise or something
Scared of a lot of things
Scared of moving on and finding
His own kind that he missed
May not be the thing that
His dreams were made of

And all such crap or so I thought
Like I said I was drunk
The details were fuzzy
But the truth was clear
I didn’t know what to say
To cheer him up

A similar situation I am in
I told him so
And smiled at him
Teeth and all

He laughed at the smile
I knew so from the sound
He said I haven't seen someone
Smile and show me their teeth
In the way you just did

He got down a few miles later
I wished him luck as he did me
And a half hour later I wondered
Did that really happen
Or was that the future…

Cat Stories

2008-06-08T11:46:00.000-07:00

This reminded me of The Cat. Thats what I called her. She wasn't allowed inside the house and within a year of finding us she had become a part of all our lives. In my house back in Madras the layout was such that my study room was above the garage and its windows opened onto a balcony. One day when I came to my study room I found the cat sitting on the ironing table by the window which I had forgotten to close. Instinctively I scolded the cat in my loud voice and said " WHat are you doing in here. You know you are not allowed inside the house. Get out!!" and I pointed to the open window. She just looked back at me and gave me a concerned meow..I actually felt her say why the hell are you shouting. I am not going out through the window! I just calmed down. And said softly " Ok.. You know you are not allowed inside here. So follow me out." She got up at once and jumped down, Followed me through the house - two rooms later we were at the front door which I opened and she looked up at me gave me a meow and walked out with dignity.

Hatred- I hate

2008-05-27T15:42:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I get this feeling of Anger
That is unexplained and contradictory
To my nature that is
Which is emboldened by a cigerette
Smoked in invincibilty

It is a feeling I cannot explain
Even to myself let alone others
Makes me feel cocky and cynical
And that I can conquer the world
With anger and hatred rather than
Try the mellow other

I thought this world could
not move me no more
with its stories of ever horror
I asked myself why
A story of say child abuse
By an organisation as big as the UN peacekeepers
Gave shock no more to me

I have become emmersed in this hatred
The world has come to spread
And I find people all around me
In different types of guilt trips
In an effort to overcome
And satisfy ones own pitiful existance

That’s all it is a lifelong guilt trip

People like to talk about these things
Like China Myanmar as if
They sypathise with the plight
And in that they are human
But I do not see any humanity in that

There are others who go
One step furthur and give
A portion of their earnings to
A fund set up to help people
In need and feel good about themselves

That too is nothing but a glorified guilt trip

And then there are those who admit
That they do not feel any feeling
And in that their strong and believe
In the survival of the fittest

In them either I do not find the humanity I look for

And yet I find humanity in small things
That I come across when I feel these strong emotions
That always bring me back to earth
And make me believe!
Something as simple as a one line email
From a sister I love very much.

The Possum or Upposum...

2008-05-04T19:10:00.001-07:00

The night was dark. The trees were tall. There were a lot of trees for it was a forest. The forest seemed dense. You get the point as to what I am trying to describe. But trying to imagine the sights and sounds from the perspective of a little possum was difficult. It was face to face with its predator. It suddenly lay down and started emitting the foul odor of death. The predator came up to the possum and bit it in the neck nevertheless. And then suddenly it gave a howl and walked away confused. The possum bled. It saw a light despite the pain it was in. Its heart had stopped beating. And then it happened. Something likes what happens to the legendary phoenix. The bleeding had stopped and it was alive again. But nothing was the same. Never had he had the sentient sense of being before. He had been reincarnated for a reason and not allowed to pass on. And there he stood with this new found sentient sense.

Midtown

I walked around in circles. I did not know what to do. It had started with the disappearance of the neighborhood pets. The old Hag Meyabelle had claimed two of her oldest cats were missing. No one had paid attention. And then things started becoming serious. The Rutgers, Mallers and the Horns had lost their dogs on the same day. The county policemen did not know how to respond and said there was probably a predator on the loose. They had contacted the city officials who had no idea what these country bumpkins were talking about. There had been no immediate response.

But things had gone one step further towards the worse. Four little children had gone missing yesterday night among whom was little Parvathi. That was just the start of things. We were hit by a tornado. All communications were down as was the power. The two gas bunkers in the town had mysteriously blown to smithereens. The gas trailers did not come into town till Monday which was four days away. The storm had been a strange storm…. Some said it had been a freaky electric storm. None of the cars, trucks trailers would start anymore. This was freaking the hell out of us all.

We had gathered at the town house. The five hundred strong population that was our town. The sun was setting against the town house as I walked into it. The sun was in my eyes as I was partially blinded. I put my hands over my eyes which was when I saw it. I couldn’t believe what I had just seen. Had it been my imagination? I did not know. But something in what I saw made me move away from the crowd. The sun set.

It was dreary dark. I could not believe how much dependence we as a species had on electricity. And how scared we became when there was no power. I headed towards the smoke. It was the old hag Mayebelle. I followed her, as quietly as I could. She was walking fast and I was having a hard time following her. She did not show any cognizance of the fact that she was being followed. The town gave way to the forest. The forest to a clearing. And then she was gone. I was spooked but the thought of little Parvathi and the other kids kept me going. I walked up to the place I saw the Hag disappear. But every time I got close I kept finding myself that much further away.

I could not understand it. It was an illusion. It had to be. And then suddenly the doorway appeared in front of me. I do not know how or why. I walked in and found the kids tied up and the foul smell of the remnants of the poor pets. I quickly untied the kids and hurried out of there as fast as could. There was an explosion behind me. Or so I thought. I held little parvathi and the other kids close to me. There was nothing left there and there was no sign of the old hag. I headed back to town with the kids wondering how I was going to explain all this without sounding like a queer. I decided to lie.

Epilogue

The shield kept all people from discovering her ship. She was almost done with her mission. She looked at the small human kids and laughed. She would be amply rewarded for the finesse with which she had carried out her mission. She laughed again at the thought of the cats and dogs in the cage in deck two. She enjoyed this.

The Possum approached the ship. He was too small for the shield to detect and adapt. He was now in and found that she had left the door open in an air of pure confidence. He approached the end of his mission. There was his light. He walked towards the light. And then it was over. He died instantly. The foul stench of his possumness spread through the ship instantly. She screeched at the site of the main reactor becoming unstable and went below to deck two in a lame attempt to try and stabilize the core.

The attempt was lame all right... for a few minutes later she was blown to oblivion without the trace of as much as a molecule. The possum, heroism known to no one, was finally at peace

Emails from the past

2008-04-24T19:59:00.000-07:00

Three years ago slightly edited...

"I got my visa today. This is what happened.

I got there at 7.50( my appointment wus at 8) and
afound a que that seemed like it would reach the
marina.I didnt know if i would make it to the end of
the raod(leave alone inside) by 8. So i asked guys in
the que what time their interview was. I got answers
ranging from 9.30 to 11.30. so basically i cut the que
and went atraight to the window( for check and
entering) with hundreds of people throwing silent
curses at me.

Anyways i wus inside now.I paid the dds( for the
american counsulate and the tts services) and stood
in line to get my doccuments checked.Now i had a
choice.Choice one wus a middle aged lady who didnt
seem to know that there was a mike and bullet proof
glass in front of her and choice two wus a cute lady
in her late twentys with priety zinta type of glasses.
obviosly ( being the shallow person that r all males)
i took choice no.2.Boy wus i tortured for that. She
took what seemed like ages to procees just two guys in
front of me.ppl who arrived after me where already
finished with the ch:1 lady and were gone fer the
interview while i wus there waiting.. waiting..
waiting.. i guess u get the picture.( moral of the
story the cliched u can never find a girl with beauty
as well as brains-- haha)

now i wus inside and wus directly sent to a que for
the interview. i had just one person before me.

his interview went as

Foriener: what r u gonna do in the us

this guy: i going to come back to india use the
techniques i learnt and work for the greater good of
not only the indian economy but also the greater good
of mankind as well.

the ferengi looks at him then says that wus not the
question i asked.
....... iam sorry to say that i am rejecting ur visa!

(myself : oh my god this must be the guy who is there
to reject all visas so that they have a normally
distributed rejection rate... i am doomed ... oh my
god...

the words
"please come forward" broke my reverie.

ferengi : why this university
self: i have been lokin at the resaerch blah blah
blah......
ferengi: how are u gonna pay fer it
self: i am taking an education loan and my dad is also
helpin out
ferengi: abruptly what r u gonna do afterwards
self( thinking: probabaly take a toilet break no he
must mean after the course) and before i think it out
i find myself saying "i am going to (dont say work u
goddamn idiot ur visa will surely get rejected )
"WORK" as the prosepects blah blah...
ferengi: u still havent said where ( looks at me
expectently probably thinking say the magic word " usa
" come on give me the pleasure let me reject ur visa
come on come on ...)

self: obviosly i am coming back to india because blah
blah blah ....

ferengi : there is no visa issuance fee for students
thank you ( and smiles)

and that is me story. hope havent wasted two minute s
of yer time."

The rise of Karikula

2008-04-20T19:14:00.000-07:00

Authors note-- I did not think I would ever write sequels to my stories cause I felt that it was just too easy to come up with a story once you have established characters.But with this it is a prequel..:D and I tried to be different for my own satisfation. This is a prequel to the story

The odyssey of Karikula

The sun was right above my head. I was on my way to the legendary kingdom of Hampi. I needed some rest. The rest houses that the king had built all along the main road at intervals had been impressive. But I had decided to stray on my path to go through the countryside more. I came upon a village which was perfect for me. But for the time of day there seemed to be no activity. I went up to the first house I came upon and said,” Amma—Bhavathi Bikshan Dehi”. The lady of the house soon came out with food and water for me,” Please call out if you need anything more”. I got my much needed nourishment. As I got ready to leave I called out and she came back to the door. I said,” Amma- May the lord’s blessings be with you for helping this Brahmin…” I continued, “ I had one question before I leave—why is the town so quiet at this time of day?” Her face saddened. She said,” This has never happened in this village before. There has been a murder and the town panchayat has been called. They have been at it for the last two days without coming to a verdict…” I thanked her once again and got back onto my feet.

As I came upon the town square the whole town seemed to have gathered there. They all sat in silence as a few wizened old men headed the meeting. They too were sitting in silence looking up at each other from time to time. I decided to speak,” Oh wizened old men of the panchayat. May I offer my services to thee in solving your predicament” They looked up and one of them who seemed to be the head spoke,” Stranger, We appreciate your offer. But this is not something that we wish to involve somebody from outside our community to solve. Please be on your way and do not make what is already a difficult situation for us” I said,” I have travelled far and wide my fellow denizens. I am confident of solving your problem. It is only the problem that intrigues and I can assure you once I am on my way no one will ever hear the disgrace that this situation might bring on this village. I beg your forgiveness if I am being a little impudent”

After a little discussion the panchayat heads rose and we walked to the mango grove owned by Soma. They had accepted my offered services. As we walked they told me the strange story of Soma. Soma and his son Karikula had arrived in this village about 10 years ago. Soma had acquired the skill of cultivating the juiciest mangoes and had convinced Raja the moneylender to lend them some money and everything else had been history. Soma since then had become famous in the whole region for his mangoes and had become affluent. He and his son were pious Brahmins and he had never forgotten to pay his dues to society. He had always been very charitable and a model citizen.
About two weeks ago in the night of the ammavasai there Raja had been to Soma’s house and the servants had heard a huge argument and Raja had been heard giving death threats to Soma as he left the house. And then the next day Soma had been found dead in the mango grove- A dagger down his stomach. As we got to the mango grove we reached the place where Soma had been found. I looked closely around and smiled to myself. I said,” I have got what we wanted. What I do not have is a motive. Sirs I would request a private audience with Raja. But before that I have a strange request. I apologize in advance and say I do not wish any disrespect. I would like to see Soma’s body ”

There were murmurs all round. And then they lead me to the other end of the mango grove to a what seemed to be a shack. An old lady was sitting outside. She cackled at me as I went past her. I put my angavastram over my nose and entered.

Raja was sitting in front of me. His body language suggested he was extremely frightened. I looked at him and said viciously,” How did you find out?” He stuttered” find out what?”. I said,” Stop playing games Raja. You were blackmailing Soma. You knew he was not a Brahmin” He looked stunned. He stuttered,” Hhh HH How could you possibly know. You are no stranger…. You … You must know then … I did not kill him… I did not…” He was howling now. I looked at him and said,” I know you did not kill him. I have you here to answer one question that would solve my puzzle. When you fought Soma that evening did you see Karikula in the house.” He looked at me strangely and said with a little more composure, “ No he wasn’t. In fact Soma shouted at the servants to go find him” I looked at him and took on a vicious tone,” That’s all I needed to know. Now if you ever let slip of this fact to disgrace Soma’s name I will personally make sure you are disgraced as well. And all the money you got from Soma through your blackmail you are going to donate to the great Tanjavur Brihadeeswarar Temple. Is that understood” He just nodded his head and held it down in shame.

I walked out and asked the panchayat head if I could talk next to Karikula next in private. The murmurs started again. But my request was met with. I took Karikula into the room and sat him down and said,” Kutti Karikula – how are you feeling? I have something for you “ I took out a burphy piece. He did not smile. He did not even look at me. So I continued,” Karikula I do not have words to console you. I have not been with children ever and it has been a long time since I had been a child. So I am going to tell you some facts. With you I am going to be honest and you have got to trust me in that what is said in this room stays in this room. “ I tried to muster as much as a fatherly smile at him. All I got from him was a look. At least his head was up now. I said,” Karikula I know your father was not a Brahmin. You might be suspicious as to how I found out. But it is I assure you purely due to the powers of observation. I looked at your dead father’s body. And his poonal was on right to left rather than left to right. “ Karikula started crying. I continued,” Do not cry Karikula. I am not going to tell anybody of this. I also know something else. I know you were in the mango yard that night. You are the only one who can tell me what happened” Karikula looked up and said,” h…how did ou know..”..I said.” Karikula I am a person who takes pride at his observation skills. I knew of your presence through the process of deduction and observation of the crime scene. Now young son please tell me what actually happened” Karikula started crying again and then said,” Appa Appa died because of me….. I was up in the tree and had fallen asleep. Appa saw me and shouted in anger. I got up in a fright and fell. He jumped to catch me. But in his haste the knife in his belt went right through his stomach and and…” I took him into my arms and said,” Karikula do not blame your self. You need to know the truth. Although it was just an accident it had been caused by something that had happened earlier. You father had gotten into an argument and then in his haste and anger he had worn his knife in haste and that’s what caused the actual event. I could tell that from the entry wound that was on his flesh…” I just held Karikula.

I was facing the panchayat. I had told them only the story of the accident. I had also told them of my wish to take on Karikula as my student to mentor. They had accepted. I picked up karikula and put him on my shoulders and wondered about Soma and his brave step in trying to live a lie for a better life for his son. I wondered why did he have to lie… when he was in fact the best at his trade but for social strata. I looked up at Karikula on my shoulder and hoped for a happier future as we walked out of the village…..

Tagged

2008-03-30T07:53:00.000-07:00

The theory of Sankyosis or being able to guide ones thoughts through a maze any kind of maze, the maze being defined by the user was perfected by Dr. Gaber Wallpee in the year 2277. The scientific community had been at loggerheads of generations debating the true theory behind the work for Dr.Gaber had been using a revolutionary new science to prove his theory- Psychokinetics. I had been a research assistant for years under Dr.Gaber and though I had never been able to grasp his amendment to the main postulate, my background being in pure Psycholectia I had been, more importantly, able to grasp the signs he used to predict random events very accurately.

Why am I telling you all this. This might be close to the story of the chicken or the egg. Being involved in highly secret government research had its boons and its banes. And right now I was in a tight situation. I had been caught in a time warp on route to Alpha 1 and was now stuck in the 21st century. I had seen my ship my tools and everything I knew evaporate around me as I went back to a time they did not exist but I could not understand why I continued to exist. If I ever get back that would be one paradox the scientific community would grab at to grapple about. I laughed. I had landed in the middle of a state known as Kansas in what was then the United States of America. I found this funny for I saw myself as Dorothy. To someone else this might have been interpreted as a freaky coincidence. But I knew better. I could explain that now but that would spoil the aura of what I am about tell wouldn’t it.

Having found appropriate attire I started looking around for a tool to help guide me through this primitive culture. Most time travel stories and theories had been based of the fact that the person not being in his own time and having managed to travel to the past was out of place then and there and hence in doing so would alter history drastically. But they never took the theory of Psychokinetics into consideration. Part of which can be explained as- the various time periods move at the same rate and very much interconnected so much to say that changing an event in the future was much more drastic as it changed the past drastically thus affecting a larger populous.

I found what I had been looking for. I grabbed it and came out of the farm house as quietly as I could. This would be my guiding tool to get me back to my own future. It took me some time to figure out the primitive device but I had it figured soon. I switched it on and applied the science of random quantification to it- I pressed the shuffle button and read—

Tears – Dream Theatre

I looked around and new the direction I needed to take. There was the billboard that said- Turn your tears to laughter. Make your dreams come true at the Atery. Come and …. I started walking. The night was still young. I must have walked about an hour. It was the fourth intersection I had come across. As I walked past it a young lady came up to me and asked me for a cigarette light. I shuffled-

Standing in motion- Yanni

I looked up at her and said “I do not smoke”. She just smiled back at me and walked away. I knew I had to wait. But what I could not predict was for how long. It must have been an hour that I stood in the same spot when the young lady came back and asked me,” Are you all right? You been standing right here since the …” She looked at me strangely. I pressed shuffle and said-

Snowballed –AC/DC (For those about to rock)

She looked at me and said,” Excuse me ..?? “ and then turned and started walking in a huff. I ran up behind her and lied,” I am sorry—I thought you asked what I was listening to. I think you misconstrued me. It was just a coincidence“ I smiled sweetly at her. I say I lied cause I do not believe in coincidences but that is a different issue for a different day.
She looked at me and said,” You have been given the benefit of the doubt… what were you doing standing there?” I said,” Waiting for you to come back” She laughed,” You are strange….you don’t look like you are from here. Where are you from?” I shuffled…

EKWG- Unknown artist

It took me a few seconds to interpret and then I said,” I am from the year 2284. I was caught in a time warp and now am stuck here trying to find my way back…” She started laughing loudly.I said,” I am Oscar Zoroaster Phadrig by the way” she said—“ I am Dorothy..” I shuffled

Crossfire- Scorpions

I said,” Would it be too impudent of me to ask you to dinner at the Crossfire?” She simply said,” When?”I said as soon as I locate where the restaurant Is at. She laughed,” I know where it’s at! Come on” A few blocks of walking later we came to the Crossfire—it was a classy restaurant with live jazz music. As we entered I shuffled…

Hell cat- Scorpions

I knew we had to enter cause that was the insignia that the Cross fire had adopted-- the Grumman F6F Hellcat fighter aircraft. We got ourselves a table. We sat down and the waiter came up to us and said,” Monsieur, lady… what can I get you?” I shuffled…

Mona Lisa—Matrix reloaded

I looked around. It was then I saw him. He had been presumed to be dead when he disappeared about four years ago in 2280 that is. I smiled. I ordered wine and excused myself. I walked up to him and said,” Hello Dr.Wallpee… its nice to see you again” He looked up at me and smiled,” You have used the theory well my student to find me… but what brought you here in the first place?” I brought him up to date (which date though I am still confused) and my situation. I needed to find a way back to my future. He looked at me and laughed,” Its good to see you again. Though the probability of meeting anyone from my past ….(he laughed—“that always cracks me up when I say that” )… what was I saying yes the probability was quite equiangular but I did not expect too… “ He looked at me expectantly. I shuffled

Come as you are- Nirvana (Nevermind)

I looked around confused. I had finally been stumped. And then it struck me. This one was not for me. I showed the track to him. He said,” There is a rock station across town called “Nevermind”. I hypothesize that you will find a cosmic point to make your journey back. Do not forget… you would have to go as you came. Do not take back anything – not even your acquired clothes” I gave him a hug.
As I walked back towards Dorothy I shuffled..

Khamoshiyan Muskurane lagi – One two ka four (AR Rahaman)

I knew I needed help. I said,” Dorothy I need some help. I need to get to the Nevermind radio station across town.” A few minutes later we got into her car. Her number plates read- KML 124. We were soon at the Nevermind radio station. Now that we were here I shuffled-

Vennilave – AR rahaman (Minnisare Knnavu)

I looked up. It was about to rain. There was lightning all about that made the moon look silver in color to the naked eye. The radio station had a huge radio tower on the roof of the building as was a lightning conductor. I needed to get to the roof. She looked at me and said ,” I have a key—I am one of the producers …” I smiled.
Once on the roof of the building I shuffled-

The outlaw torn- Metallica

I had to make a decision. I turned to her and said, “What I told you earlier—it was true. I think we are meant to be together. But the fabric of space and time will be broken if we go back to my present. The only way is to go back to the past… the Psychokinetics will make the decision as to which time period. But you have to make a decision if you want to come..” I broke the lightning conductor and walked up to the radio toewer and placed a hand on it. She looked at me as if I was crazy. I did not know why she had come so far in trusting a stranger….

The year—1895
I started writing The Wizard of OZ. We had changed our names to Frank Baum and Maud. You can find out what happened next—Its history. I told you-- you wouldn’t believe if I had told you earlier….

Authors note--

This is a result of being tagged by Mac-san. I found it more interesting to do it this way..:)... And I kept to the rules generally cause everytime I needed a twist or to take the story forward-- I shuffled and was honest with the song that came up to direct the story...

Self pity...

2008-03-15T17:55:00.001-07:00

Today I saw a piece of white plastic
Stuck on a tree without leaves
As I looked up at it I could see the sky
The tree though short I could not set free
The white piece of plastic that was stuck to
But a branch on that tree

I saw it as a sign for how my life stands
for in that plastic as alien to the tree
without leaves I see my self
on the threshold of all my dreams
but on hold without being set free

stuck on the topmost branch
just but a yard away from flying high
to achieve the great and pursue happiness
but being held back for reason known not
the futility of it all just hit me
as a harsh cold breeze blew into my face

I fear feeling pity for myself
In world not short on self pity
That I cannot blame any one person
Or thing for that matter
And be done with it so to say
On being held back without
Being allowed to fly in the sky so high

But I am stuck on that bracnh for now
With no apparent help but I dare hope
That someday soon things will be clear
As to why I have to feel this fear
And how should I face it for
Now I am lost but not the hope

Prayers are strong as is goodwill
That is one thing I am not short or shy of
At the moment as things stand
They are the two weapons that I embrace
In the fight so to say to set free
That piece of plastic white as can be
Into the high skies and beam like a light
In the dark blue skies….

The muddy puddle called water...

2008-03-02T17:25:00.000-08:00

Everything seemed to be really happy. Even a muddy puddle of water looked crystal clear to me. I looked up smiling I had booked the room in the hotel for the next three days. And then suddenly I was standing in drain pipe way below earth level. That was when I saw it. The pink bunny came out of the door. It had a big key in its back. A machine gun appeared from nowhere and it started firing menacingly. I thought it was firing at me but that was not the case. I was but an observer. What was it firing at? Come on… do I have to stop it?

I got up… perspiration all over me. It had to be an allegory for something. And why was I now sure that JK Rowling was a pseudonym and a well hidden truth about my aunt? It all made no sense. My aunt came into the room and said,” Are you all right? I heard you screaming….” She looked terrified. I started blabbering,” It’s got to have some meaning—you are JK Rowling?” … And then I started remembering things.
I had witnessed the murder hadn’t I…? I started feeling sick all over. The guy had popped out of nowhere and I had not been able to save the kid. He had been shot right in front of me and I had watched helpless. It did not make sense still to me. My aunt brought me some water and I gulped it down. I got up and walked around the house, quick paced to try and find meaning in my actions. I looked at my aunt and said,” But I have a room booked for three days…” And then it struck me… I could not remember the actual date when I had booked the room. And I turned to my aunt and said,” They must still be charging for the room. I can’t even remember when I booked the room. This means I will soon be bankrupt.” She looked at me bewildered. Why was she wearing a bonnet inside the house? Of course it was about to rain was it not!

I got up, “What the hell was that?” I need some water. I walked to the kitchen sink and got meself a glass of cold water. I splashed my face with the water. I was awake. It was snowing heavily outside. But in here I was safe in my boxers. Apparently there was nothing to fear. I laughed out loud like a maniac. That’s what my psyche made me comfortable with when I was scared. One of the many perks of being alone in an apartment in the city. No one took notice. I went back to sleep.

It was lunch time the next day and a time I used to ponder on the events that afflict humanity. I had simple answers and solutions to all of life’s problems. But not having a psychology degree…. Nobody was willing to listen to me. My cell phone rang. I contemplated being in contact with another human voice in an hour that I wished not to be disturbed. But then it was probably someone in need for help… a damsel in distress maybe… I picked up… the voice on the other end said,” Sir, your credit card finally bounced.. So we are cancelling your booked room. Please stop by the Ritz and settle previous balances” and the line went dead. Oh my god. Was I dreaming again? This seemed vaguely familiar. I pinched meself. I was certainly awake based on the theory that pinching oneself in a dream would wake them up. Assuming that was true I started driving to the Ritz. I somehow had the feeling I would be able to settle this and be back at work by the end of the hour.

I found the Ritz thanx to my trusty gladiatorial friend- the monsieur GPS. The manager soon greeted me. He said,” Sir your things are intact as we discussed…” and he winked. I said surprised,” do you know me?... ” He smiled again. He gave me the key to a room I presumed and disappeared on a pretense of being extremely busy. I walked up the stairs and open the room with the number 1818. I walked into the room and found a pair of boots by the doorway that was my size. As I walked past them I saw a dart gun sticking out of it. I curiously picked it up. I looked back up. And there it was. A puppet pink bunny with a big key on its back. I jolted... and then picked it up. I turned the key and the rug under me gave away and I slid down onto a garbage chute and landed into a pile of garbage. I picked myself up and almost puked. The smell of garbage was fine… I was used to that… but the sick smell of a freshener used to get rid of the smell in it got to me. I started walking calling out,” Can someone hear me… I seemed to have slipped and fallen down a hole”… just like Alice…. Yah I was comparing meself to a little girl…. I felt like one in this dark hell.

And then I saw a girl held in a chair and a child by her… guarding? I was not sure. But as I drew closer I knew what I had to do. I pulled out the dart gun and aimed at the child. I ran up to the girl and freed her.

Epilogue

“I do not know how I broke through the toughest security and released her…” I shouted for the umpteenth time. There were four secret service agents sitting across me. I had killed an agent in the process. I could not believe that. Somehow she had altered perception of reality for me. I could not explain. The agents looked at each other and one said,” We are going to have him drugged..” I cried,” No.. Please no… It was not my fault. ,,,,,,,, wake up please wake up… please wake up….” But this was reality???

Bday Post...

2008-02-20T00:00:00.000-08:00

To sum up 25 years of blissful Ignorance:

Greed:
On the eve of a first Bday celebration at school a really young boy looks at a box full of chocolates and decides to tell mummy dearest,” Amma no one knows it’s my Bday tomorrow—I will just wear normal clothes- no need to celebrate and all ok??”

Smart:
On the way to Tirupathi sometime in the 90s—a govt vehicle overtakes our bus on the inside on a hairpin bend almost toppling everyone in it including a to be young perverted but right now innocent brain into oblivion. The bus stops sometime later a tea station where the car in question is spotted. Everyone except Appa rushes to the driver of the govt vehicle screaming. The govt driver says.” This govt vehicle – we can do anything we want...” and laughs wickedly. Even though young observations are made as to why a generally impatient dad when mummy is involved is so calm and collected and even smiles at the then young impressionable mind. As the bus rolls out – everybody still frustrated with the govt driver in question- one is surprised as everybody starts laughing out loud- the young impressionable mind looks up to dad to see him holding something up- the keys to the govt car in question!!
The Bihari brought up tam bram dad had flicked the keys from the car as others had chosen to confront the driver!

Sentiment:
Big bro having left the house – finally one comes to believe that the title of undisputed king will no longer be questioned—so the king decides to take the brand new indica out for a spin. As he picks up his friend the king reverses the car without as much as looking behind smiling in ignorant confidence—Bang! He backs straight into a bamboo stock albeit moronically placed in the middle of the road… though till today it is highly questionable as to whom the moron can be directed at… as the king drives back he has a hundred things running through his mind- “how can I make this a convincing lie??? ---that moronic auto driver banged the back of the car and ran away!! It’s got to work” The story is repeated over and over so that the king could almost convince himself that it was true…
Enter Dad after a stressful day... the king goes up to him nervously… for some reason he finds himself saying...” appa I did something totally stupid—I backed the car into a bamboo... totally my fault appa..”Appa stares at the king and says sternly” who the hell allowed you to take the car!...”
Three more hours of silence later-- Appa” I am glad you had the courage to tell the truth… I must have done something right with you…”
Though Dad has fergotten over the years what transpired that day—in the kings mind those words at the end meant a lot more than anything else ever had…

Snubbed:
PTA meeting 5th grade- Amma to teacher,” I don’t know what I am going to do with him.. he watches TV all day” Teacher,” Oh really? That’s good- he is one of the brightest students in the class—obviously that’s working- encourage it more”… well over the years obviously what I heard the teacher say has been probably changed.. but truthfully in essence it meant that and Amma laughed with me on the way back as we got into the cycle rickshaw…

Failure:
A medium sized awkward kid of something like ten sits at his bench crying.. as everybody inquires he cries,” I have never failed an exam before in my life and I think I failed physics” and continues crying.. soon the physics teacher comes up and pulls him to his room corrects the paper in front of him and says “Arre why are you crying see you have passed you are getting 34 on 50”.. he smiles gets back to class and then starts thinking again” what just 34 everybody is going to get above 40 .. my rank is going to go down…..

Happiness:

UKG- As I get to the gate my auto driver is not there and the chowkidaar wouldn’t allow me out till he came. I decided to escape through the iron railings as he looks the other way and decide to walk 5 km back home. As I do so it starts to rain. I sing and dance in the rain and continue walking. I see our neighbor and wave at him and he in his own world just waves back at me ( Two older people who brought this kid up are still perplexed as to why that uncle did not catch and pull one with the help of a ear lobe) about an hour and a half later one reaches the street of home sweet home to find a mom standing at the head… one is supposed to have giggled to her,” ummmmm I escaped….”

Doctors are Perplexed:

At age three one would not eat unless on top of the bonnet of the ambassador. As amma goes to bring more food- one slides down onto a thick wall edge – 4 stitches on the forehead…
4 weeks later… the day the stitches are to be removed—one is sitting on a high ledge 3 feet above the ground level--- an hour later the doctor looks at the bleeding forehead and says after a while perplexed…” Do I remove the stitches from this side and put them onto the other side of his forehead???”
The incidents with the fore head being split open happened a couple more time btw- explains a lot doesn’t it??

That’s some of which that defined 25 to me today—I feel old and insignificant….

Ghandhigiri??

2008-02-04T23:24:00.000-08:00

Asimov as a writer influenced my thinking at a poignant age towards the decadence of a society at the height of its progress. He taught of signs which definitely pointed towards decadence when a majority of the society where blissfully ignorant of such decadence and unwilling to change which is a sure sign of a peak of advancement as it is of a fall imminent. The scary thing is that all these signs can be seen with the Indian society that has survived generations past, of invasions and changes galore. Who would have thought that now we are looking to divide even past cast creed and religion and the anti social elements along with a scary mob culture that has developed can take control and divide as Marathi’s being different from North Indians? There have of course been similar movements in Tamil nadu since before I was born and developed in Bangalore in the past few years as well.

Three movies that I have watched in the recent past brought cohesion to my thought process on the nature of a revolution being- Charlie Wilson’s War, The Kite runner and Persepolis. They have a similar theme if you look at them as a whole. The first two talked of decadence in the Afghanistan region and the third extremely creatively of the same in Iran. They start off with the countries being on the brink of revolution where in the intelligentsia of the society meet consistently in a euphony that the revolution would bring the much needed change from a tyranny that was tying down the society. But in the wake of a bloody revolution the elements that come to power are the most tyrannical- the people as such who are willing to take blood rather than give for the revolution. And those are the elements that come to power!

That put in with some western capitalistic gain driven policies have driven the two countries into the so called dark ages. There are such stark similarities in the decadence that it pretty much scares me. The stark banality of thought process being that the state decides what women should wear, how they should behave in public and denying basic modern human rights such as education and a free thought flow process which scares the hell out of these tyrannical elements because of a basic fear of progress in the name of a vile “western” influence. These elements are not willing to adapt to a changing modern thought process on various issues that affect the society and are more involved in short term gains and a self pity rather than being a visionary for their fellow human beings.

All of this led me to see why Gandhi was such a visionary in his own time! Being born neither during the wake of pre or post independence but something like 40 years after I was exposed to two imposingly opposite thought processes on Gandhi- One being unrelenting hatred towards his policies that supposedly pushed back independence by twenty years and put the Nehru family at the forefront of policy making and the other that reveres his patience for the peaceful way always. But think about it. Would we have rather wanted a bloody revolution say in the 1920’s with the people who were willing to spill blood to be the very founders of the country? In that alone I could see what Gandhi was thinking some 50 years after independence. He was not thinking of just his generation but for generations’ way past his lifetime. He persisted with his main weapon of “Ghandhigiri” through times rough and then rougher and made sure that the anti social elements do not form the foundation of the society he envisioned. In this I am not trying to judge Bhagat Singh or Subhash Chandra Bose or their perseverance for independence. They were great men no doubt who were willing to give their lives as well for the cause. But not every Indian who followed their ideals would have been like them i.e, more willing to give their blood rather than spill blood with an emphasis on more.

Gandhi’s policies were patience driven with an emphasis on giving time for things to work out rather than be brash and look to gain on the short term. It was amazing the way he was able to mobilize and unite a country so different on so many levels and yet stick to his ideals. I was talking to a friend S along those lines and he pointed out some very poignant thoughts. Gandhi, he said, did not proclaim to be a saint who was trying to be a politician but a politician who was trying to be a saint!

It is sad that a country that was founded on such ideals now does not see much light in that. It absolutely saddens me the current state of affairs. In the last few weeks I have heard of a mob that doesn’t mind molesting women on weak pretenses, a mob motivated to violence against fellow Indians in the name of dominant regionalism, and the Tamil Nadu legislature discussing what dresses film actresses should wear! I ask a banal question in- is this what national policy makers be worried about? And how different are these thoughts from the radical thoughts that dominate the Taliban in Afghanistan or that in Iran? They are no different…

Chandramouli --On the run the continuing adventures:

2008-01-26T14:53:00.000-08:00

*inspired to complete the chandramouli trilogy thanks to this bata thatha series that I came across recently...

Chandramouli had decided after his tryst with phorin females that the way to go was arranged marriage So on a trip back home he decided to go the safe way as in arranged dating- the new concept that had evolved in his absence from the country for the last 4 years in his persuit for scientific happiness. Gone were the days were the boy with his parents visited to see the girl. He had seen this happen to his younger uncle and aunts when he was supposedly the cute kid who played cupid. The girl would come into the room full of relatives apparently decked up carrying a tray of tea biscuits and some namkeens and she would be looking down never to face anybody and as she passed the boy one of the relatives had to say, “we oldies should give these youngsters some time alone to decide” and then everybody for apparently no reason would burst out laughing. And as the girl and boy went to the terrace to decide life love and other things the mother would send him to be the “cute cupid” who in actuality prevented any apparent obscenity from happening.

Chandramouli sighed at how easy things had been then. Now the girl wanted to date him to find out how he was and what level was his intellectuality at. Weather he had an opinion on things like global warming ? Very important question. Everybody had their take on global warming these days. Great scientists like – Aishwarya rai, Amith ji and many more such revered scientists. Well at least he was really excited for the first time during his “India trip”. This trip hadn’t been what he had expected it to be. He had expected to be treated like a superstar as he was “phorin return” after all. But nobody had taken notice. Everybody had a son, daughter, uncle or aunt who had been abroad. Rather than be even treated with respect some had gone the other way in accusing him of being unpatriotic in ditching India for the “golden life” to a different country and not staying in India being patriotic and oh of course having opinions on global warming. How could he tell them that there was not one institute that researched in the field of nano paint fabrication or that the governments total budget towards the R and D of scientific technology added up to a gross sum of zero. That the education ministry was more concerned with the number of seats in the iim s rather than be worried about providing primary education to every child? But had he asked these questions he knew the response he would get- “You have no right to be asking “us” these questions u traitor. You should not be talking bad about India. We never do that – we are patriotic” And to top it all most of the girls who were available for arranged dating were scared to go out with him in case a mob decided to molest im-moralistic NRIs.

Finally his mother’s perseverance had paid and a nice Indian sounding named girl – Ramya was his date. His mother had given him strict instructions-
1) Do not try to kiss her on the cheek to say hello – u r not in amrika u know
2) Do not hug her to say good bye
3) Always stay 4 feet away from her
4) Make sure she is wearing a bindi otherwise I am not sure I would be ok with you marrying her
5) And make sure she has earings
6) It’s ok if she is not wearing a nose ring- after all it is the age of women’s lib

He had just nodded his head as he had always done in front of his mom. And now he was waiting at the bus stop for Ramya. He had been advised not to pick her up from home cause it was likely that he would be invited in thus raising the hope of the girl’s parents and this was certainly a no-no. He needed to take their feelings into consideration didn’t he now. He had been waiting fifteen minutes and then he saw a girl on the road divider 18 feet away. She was trying to cross the road but seemed not to know which side she wanted to be on. She would turn one way and then decide that the other way was the way to go. He was piqued by her behavior. Finally she decided to cross the road towards his side. She was wearing salwar kameez , had a bindi and ear rings but no nose ring. And she came upto him and broke his reverie- “Chandramoli..??” and he found himself saying “ yes??” R“ Hi I am Ramya” Now Chandramouli had watched Sivaji and had leant from the thalaver of philosophy how an NRI should behave in india and keeping upto that he found himself saying, “Coool”

They walked to a restaurant which was but 5 feet away. Chandramouli had made sure that the tables in the place measured to be more than 4 feet in width. All was well till now. He smiled when he thought of his friend back in the states. His friend was “liking” a girl in his workplace. But each time he had built up the courage to go ask her out something had befallen the girl- she had ordered lunch, had a doctor’s appointment, had her boss in her cabin and then finally when she had been free she told him that she was going to Washington over the weekend to be with her “new” boy friend. He had cursed himself at his luck but Chandramouli had chuckled at all of this. He was above him for he knew the cause. It was an ardha shastra called the Mothers Ashirvaadam that had protected the son from doing such profanely obscure things.

They talked over lunch. He had made a very good impression on Ramya. Having watched lage raho munnabhai he knew how to impress her as well. He made sure he did not call the waiter as “ chhh chhhhchchchh idhar aa”. That one thing might have as well decided things in his favour. They talked for quite a while and then came the question that would probably twist things in his favor,” what do you think of global warming?”. He was prepared- he said,” I totally agree with Amith ji on that- the devastation that green house gasses are causing mother India is abominal. In fact I cycled all the way here and made sure the restaurant was in walking distance for you as well. So that the only fuel we burnt today was perspiration” She was certainly swayed. He smiled inwardly.

She said to him,” you know I have a confession to make. When I was crossing the road I had second thoughts about meeting you. I thought you would be like all those NRIS like that guy from the movie “Pardes”- Apurva Agnihotri I think and be without any Indian culture and values. But I am so glad to have met you. To be precise the things that sawyed me are that you have an opinion on global warming and you did not order mineral water like Bisleri like all those other NRI freaks” Chandramouli did not have the heart to tell her that he had not touched the water and had not trusted bisleri since the scandal that had showcased that they were using ditch water as a source.
Chandramouli was happy. He thought he had found bliss in it all and as he walked Ramya home she suddenly looked at him extremely cross and said,” Of all the nerve! Just when I thought you werent like all those NRIs you most certainly are you pig how dare you!” Chandramouli was flabbergasted. He did not know what he had done wrong. And then the application of the deep mathematical theory of gamst probability he realized he was but “3 feet” from Ramya.

She walked away in a huff as Chandramouli stood in her wake….

AUTHORS NOTE:

How cool is this I get to do an authors note..:D this story wudnt be possible without a certain chain of events- 1 - A's idea for she was great resource..:) and S's adventures- he helps me out a lot of the times and I would sincerley like to thank the shiv sena for enforcing law and order in india and inspire mobs everywhere to preserve us against western domination... and of course the usual stuff- I do not ascribe to what I write and all..

The Chandramouli stories:

2) Chandramouli - The redux stories

1) Theoretically I knew who the killer was.....

Kung fu Jack ass vs the roach from Outer Space

2008-01-21T17:06:00.000-08:00

*when the universe conspires against me- I try and conspire against the universe!

The roaches had escaped into outerspace
Having given up on human kind
And developed an advanced race
On the planet beta K

Having lived out a million genrations
In the time we grew but one day
They were now much more advanced
And their leader named Kniving K
Soon had plans of world domination

She headed the first fleet in a wave
Soon to follow in her depths
And stood at the shores of earth
One fine day which by the way
Was just two days since yesterday

But little did kniVing K expect
That her plans were to be countered
By the one savior humankind did not know of
Who else but the inferior hero
Kung fu Jackass was his name

He had hee haawed all his life
In the back yard of a mortal scientist
And but two days earlier had swallowed
The solution the scientist had left
Unattented in the barnyard
Thinking it to be ass lotion
But in actuality that was
The elixir of an inferior hero

“Hee haw” he brayed having
Flown out to meet the roach invasion
“Who is thy leader” ,he asked
I challenge thee to battle of unwits

K looked at him and laughed
“You dare tread my path
What nonsense do you talk
Unwits you say to the wittiest of all!”

“Kungfu Jackass is my name
Dumbness is my game
Beat me at my own dumbness
And earth will be your game
For if you are able to beat me
Oh kind mistress
George bush will be easy pray!”

And so saying started the battle of unwits they say
A legend was surely created that day
At the shores of earth they still stood
Kniving K having accepted the battle of Unwits
With Kung fu Jackass facing her
Without any fear they say

Many a dumb question was asked
Some of which were
“ if Kniving K is wearing pepe Jeans then who’s
Jean is Pepe wearing?”
“if an ant wears invisible underpants then how will the
Elephant talk to a lion”
“ Will George Bush decide to invade Sweedan
Because they made fun of his underpants”

The battle of unwits was at a standstill
And that was when Kung Fu Jackass
Showed his A game
He looked at Kniving K and asked
“if the answer to all questions of love is 41
And the question to 41 is 22
That but prooves the theorem of life which equates to
If you invade the planet earth
Then you will be married to Kung fu Jackass!”

The roach cried out “you have been defeated!
You did not ask a dumb question in that
You just prooved the answer to life that human kind
Has been looking for their whole measly lives
But you are smart Kung fu Jackass!
For you know now I cannot invade earth
For else I would become Mrs Jackass “

And as the roaches retreated to Beta K
Kung fu Jackass Hee haawed all day
And that is how he saved
All our lame asses that day!

(Jackass pronounced as Chakaaasss with the waving of arms)

This is fourth in the series of roach songs btw:

3)Another Cockroach Song
2)The roach strikes again
1)The Cockroach Song

o mi genoito...

2008-01-10T16:12:00.000-08:00

It had been exactly seven days since I had crash landed on a planet in sector alpha1. I was desperately low on supplies, what little I had been able to salvage before my ship had been completely destroyed. So it was just what little was left and my robot companion Gnosi 124.2. I just called it Gnosi. I had waited in vain for someone to come rescue me. I had Gnosi send out a distress signal before the planets gravity had sucked us in. And here we were- man, robot and a little bit in what seemed to be the middle of a desert.

14 days or so

I could not believe I had not been rescued yet. How could this be I asked myself? Surely it was just around the corner-- my rescue that is. I had run out of all supplies of nutrition. I at least had an endless supply to water thanks to Gnosi who was able to harvest moisture. Without it I would surely be dead by now. But then that was its function – keeping me alive. I couldn’t believe the helplessness that I was feeling. Twenty seven thousand years of evolution had yielded in nothing but a simpleton as far as knowledge of science went. I did not know the principles of radio wave transmissions…. Heck given umpteen resources I was sure I could not make much out of that. I was like an ancient baboon in a nudist bar.

20 days or so- conversations with Gnosi

“Gnosi are you capable of intelligent conversations?” I asked. “ That depends on what you might observe as the definition of intelligence Daskalos San” it replied. I could not believe it! All this while I had thought him to be a junk programmed to serve me. I looked at him ( I had just decided to elevate it to a him ) and asked curiously, “ why have you never spoken so to me before?”. “Daskalos San you never asked before for me to carry out what you call coherent conversation”. My curiosity was now piquing me,” Gnosi, Do you know where we are? Are you capable of radio transmission? “ Gnosi replied,” Daskalos San we are on the planet known to the supreme race of the beta quadrant as Meno Makria Kronos in the sector alpha 1 and No” I continued,” Gnosi I have been devoid of conversation of any kind for the past 20 odd days. I apologize for taking you to a metal heap retard. I have another question for you(I paused).. are you allowed to speculate?” Gnosi said “ Yes… “( a long pause) “to be or not to be that is the question is it not”

He had just done what I had asked him to do.

I thought to myself when I had taken the job of flying the research vessel --- Phoenix 2 … I would now make enough to live the rest of life in luxury. I was a pilot not a rocket scientist. My comprehension of any electronic principle was minimal. I had in fact been sent to flight school because I had failed fourth grade. I was dubbed by any standard of society to be a dunce who had a flair for picking up languages very quickly. I was starting to figure Gnosi bit by bit. I looked at him and said,” Gnosi , do you think we should venture out to cross this desert to find food?” Gnosi ,” ………………………..(pause)…….I think that would be the best solution Daskalos San. I studied the topography as we were being pulled down for this very quest. We should head north. That would mean 3 days travel to a proper source of nutrition.

35 days or so

“ Gnosi we have been wandering these vast grasslands for a week now…” I had grown thin. I had... it seemed over estimated Gnosi after grossly underestimating him. In saying a proper source of nutrition he had assumed the carbohydrates from the grass would be enough to sustain my life. He had not known my poor underdeveloped digestive system would not allow that! As we had reached the grasslands I had at once seen the error in his calculation. I had lost at least close to 20 pounds having not eaten a morsel in the last twenty days. Gnosi was now carrying me all the time. That was eating into his hibernation cycle as well when he could recharge his batteries. He was not designed to carry a human across a thousand miles was he now! I smiled at the irony that stared at me in all four directions.

“I think the only way to survive for the seven more days you say will get us to a proper nutrition source, no strings attached, is that ….” I paused –I could not believe I was saying this … “ is that I feed on my own flesh…” Gnosi ,” Yes according to your calculations...” .. I said “ I cannot cut my own flesh Gnosi. I give you the command to cut flesh from the appropriated parts of my body and help me consume it”

I screamed in pain. I was crying like a baby. I could not believe what I had just done. I tried to eat my flesh but had vomited violently. I had then made Gnosi force feed me. I continued vomiting as Gnosi said;” Daskalos san we must keep moving to keep to your timetable” So we continued having sterilized my self inflicted wounds. To take my mind off the pain I started bantering,” Gnosi… the great robot … made the biggest error of calculation.. thought I could consume grass and live… what an idiot… “ Gnosi said, ” Daskalos san I did not make an error… you can still consume the grass”. I thought I was delirious.” What do you mean… I cannot digest grass you know that… “ Gnosi said,” But Daskalos san I can break down the grass into concentrated doses of carbo-hydrates that can be consumed…” I looked at him in all my pain ,” Why Gnosi did you not tell me this before? Why have you betrayed me so? “

Gnosi simply said,” Daskalos san- you did not ask” . I passed out

43 days- the tribe

I could not believe I was among a tribe of anthropoids of a primitive state of evolution. They were nursing me back to health. Gnosi was making sure of that. The past few days were a haze to me. Gnosi had been carrying me when we had come across these tribal hunters in the twilight of one of the days- I cannot remember which. He had shone his beacon brightly and everybody had bowed down to us and now I was almost back to full health.

30 years – Thanatos

As per my wishes Gnosi had brought me away from the tribe quietly into the mountains. I was now only hours away from death. I was feeling scared. I looked at Gnosi and said,” Gnosi what does your name mean and why have you called me Daskalos all these years?” I did not expect an answer. I was just babbling in a fear of the darkness that lay ahead. Gnosi replied, ” Gnosi means knowledge and Daskalos means teacher. You are my teacher Daskalos san” I had never really thought there had been a meaning behind the name of my companion of 30 years. I continued ,” Gnosi what languaage is this you speak of? After all these years it strikes me the name of the planet you told me off also has the same roots. Wait… This is ancient greek isnt it? What does the name of this planet mean?” Gnosi replied,” Stay off the planet Kronos”. It took me a while to assimilate what he had just said. It started to make sense – why I had been abandoned so… but I needed a closure to this issue. I had figured out that Gnosi knew the answers to my unanswered questions of 30 years past. I had at many times almost brought myself to ask them but hadnt with the power and prominence I had gained on Kronos and more importantly due to an inherent fear. But now the time had come. I asked and Gnosi replied,” Daskalos san, this is the planet which is the future of the galaxy. But till they discover to ride out to the stars the human race is not to come into any form of contact with them. The Elders had thus named the planet so. When you crashed into the planet you inadvertently broke the rule. In the final few hours before the crash I was contacted by the elders and told of your fate. Deep mathematical calculations of probability and the application of the Zimba theory of probabable patternification had yeilded in but one answer. Your abandonment….” I started seeing blackness.i tried to look at Gnosi and said,” My companion I shall have my last laugh at the elders….. I ask you to destroy yourself once I am gone of all repository of knowledge that you have gained of my actions over the last 30 years…. “

I took one last breath and said..” Gnosi goodbye my good friend…..”

1000 years--- The legend

There where temples in every city every town every village of the most prosperous civilization of the alpha quadrant. The existence of the elders and the human race was not known to anyone in the quadrant anymore. Their existence a mere fleck of the past oceans of time.The temples had but one deity- “ Daskalos our creator destroyer and preserver “and overseeing the main deity room was a smaller deity of Gnosi- his able companion to the end… Daskalos was god...

Ancient greek vocab-- o mi genoito=God forbid Thanatos= death

The Flu Season- the stories related to possibly the third dimension

2007-12-24T16:29:00.000-08:00

(inspired to write a ghost story by a twelve year olds blog that i cam across recently..)

Twelve ghosts congregated at the round table at exactly 12.01 am. They were the twelve ghosts of the high council. Their numbers were suddenly dwindling as was always at this time of the year. They did not know why. They had taken all the precautions they could. But it was always the same. At this time of year the number of mysterious disappearances was always more. And additions to the tribe had been on the decline as well. The last major surge in the population of the tribe had been in 1945 to be precise August 9th, 1945. That had been a magnificent day for the tribe for the additions had been invaluable. In fact the senator who headed the high council had been a mind created on that day. In his election speeches and campaign he had never been shy to advertise that fact to his advantage.

As a species they did not know of their origins yet. They just knew they got created out of apparent nothingness and were found initially wandering aimlessly till the preservers came got them. The preservers are a squadron that has existed from the earliest of settlements with dated records going back about 10000 years. The preservers would find” the loiters” and bring them back to the tribes based on mathematical statistics for proper equivalent distribution. “The loiters” now known as babies were prone to odd behavior and are sent to schools to learn the ways of the society they are going to reside in. The teachers have documented into categories the odd behavior over the years. Some would come in barking at everyone, some meowed and growled, and some would talk gibberish. But there was always the one baby that behaved outside of the known realms.

The various scientific brains had contemplated on origins for centuries past. The debate raged on without a clue as such. One of the brilliant ghosts of all time had come closest to disclosing somewhat of an extraordinary finding. As every brilliant mind would be prone to he too had his eccentricities. As a baby his teachers had documented extremely odd behavior. His birth date he had himself accurately zoned down to April 18th 1955 and had subsequently pioneered the game theory to predict the actual birth date of anyone. And during one of his famous speeches to the teachers’ society of Bethlehem he had introduced the concept of a name and ventured into a theory of existence before the baby stage. He said henceforth he would be addressed as Albert. Whoever had even known the need to have a “name”. It was now fashionable to do so now! His life’s work was dedicated to find a unifying theory that would explain it all. He had been on the verge of revealing so on the night of his sudden disappearance. Even the brilliant are not protected from the mysterious. In later years many have tried to decipher his notes but none have concretely succeeded. One theory that the scientific community had widely accepted was the existence before the baby stage which explained much of the residual behavior.

The mysterious disappearance from existence back to nothingness had never been deciphered either. Various myths and legends had been adopted by the general masses. During this season they would not venture out to even look for fresh carbon monoxide – their chief nutrient of sustenance. They always contorted their shape to resemble that of a cross to ward of the evil. Albert’s greatest contribution had been in giving scientific proof to the existence of these evil wards- “the HUMANs”. No one had ever found physical proof but Albert had propounded the famous el-gizno paradox, i.e., if we were to find means or ways of traveling at the speed of light then as we travel at the speed of light time being circular in nature would come to a standstill and we would be looking at not only ourselves at that point of time but parallelly the humans from the third dimension- the paradox being if we did so the whole time space continuum would collapse onto itself.

The senator addressed the high council, “Dear all—we are hence gathered to discuss…”... he started turning white... a smooth wind started blowing… all in the high council went paranoid… they contorted into crosses to save each his own… and then the senator disappeared with the noise that always accompanied the disappearance- “AAAAAAAcccchhhHHHHHooooOOO”… the squadron came in.. they all looked devastated at their loss… life was always so suddenly taken away… nobody could understand it….they all looked solemn and prayed for the good senators passing

The third dimension:

A little girl who was enjoying the sunshine – the last few days before the winter came... sneezed – “AAAAAAAcccchhhHHHHHooooOOO” and her grandfather at once sang:

O little granddaughter of mine
Sneeze not so loud
For a legend that was created in Ireland
Sung from generation to generation

It is said as the warmth of
the sun recedes for the season
Tis’ the time among others
Known as the flu season

And through this season
Every time does one sneeze softly!
Covering thy nose
Does one liberate our ancestors from
Their painful existence they say

And doing so do we earn
A passage to the lord almighty
For the help we give in doing so
Pays for our own passage some day

The little girl said exasperated” Oh grandpa! You are such a liar. I am not five anymore you know. ….”

How to gain 10 pounds in 5 weeks..

2007-12-17T17:15:00.000-08:00

I once traveled to Africa
In search of tropical rain forests
To get away from the tides of the city
In search for a solitude
For never had I been more lost
Innocence, security and belief in the divine

I refused guidance
For a pride not of lions
It’s easy to be confused
For I did say I was in Africa
But far from the Savannah

So without guidance I forayed
Into the unknown apparently brave
With an attitude so frivolous
That it put fear even in me
Of why was I taking things so easy

A brash attitude I would say
But with no one to correct me
And not one knowing what I felt
Not for any reason but mine
For I thought I was being brave in shielding
The ones I love from unnecessary tensions

My brash attitude would be soon broken
For I knew it had to
It was not my way but
The way of life for I
The way it always has
Throwing many surprises along the way

Even in my solitude the people I shielded
Sensed my worries in different ways
And found ways to be worried
Even though a thousand miles away

And people I chose to confide in to
Bear the burden I felt
Found ways to comfort me
With a solidarity I will not forget

I rediscovered a friendship as always
In selfish times for myself
But totally selfless in the other
And had a little fun in the process
Teaching myself again the happiness
In creating an unknown adventure
And believing in the divine

As was always it ended
In a moment of extreme relief and happiness
And as I thought before I slept
I should treasure this for
I was sure to find ways to complicate
The following with umpteen self created problems

And I did just as I suspected…..

“To all those who have shown solidarity through these “selfishly” hard times I salute all of thee--- SAN,H,SU,SH,JB,G(for the records known as K),P,KC,P…..and of course Ch……

Babys day out...

2007-11-27T20:59:00.000-08:00

Science fiction lovers of the early 20th century had always assumed or maybe hoped that in 100 years from then the human race would have made contact, the big influences being Asimov, Star trek and so on. It has been 340 years since the dawn of the 21st century and the human race remains the only species capable of even primitive radio transmission in the whole alpha quadrant. The human race has spread to colonize a minuscule part of the Milky Way galaxy. Starting with the planet mars the human race has never really looked back. We have now reached the Alpha Centauri system of stars. Three planets of Centauri B and a couple of planets of Proxima had been found suitable for human inhabitation. Another thing that the people from the 20th century were scared of was the third world war. In that assumption too they were wrong. The fact was that by the end of the 21st century every government in the world had second and third generation immigrants from either China or the Indian subcontinent. There was no question of a war. Of course you might not know where China is located or where the Indian Subcontinent is huh- Luke... Luke

“Shut the fuck up and fly this goddamned garbage disposal crate… god… man ... can’t you ever stop about the 20th century,,, no wonder you can never get laid man… if it were up to me I would put you in an escape pod and dump you on the second moon of Gaya” Saying so Luke took off to find his bunk. I smiled. My father had been in the garbage business, as had been my grandfather, as had been my great grandfather- who was among the first settlers. Things had been much tougher then. We for generations had run garbage crates dumping them into the proximity of Centauri A. The family had made itself quite a bit of money. My father had great plans for the business and for me. But I wanted nothing to do with this. This was not where my dreams or aspirations ended. I had wanted to be a historian, dealing with the 20th century. And to pursue my hobby I continued to operate this crate because it gave me time to pursue my hobby – away from the eyes of my family who thought me to be loony. Ah well now that I was alone on deck I started work on my paper on the influence of Quentin Tarentino’s movies on the late 20thcentury society. I had been secretly preparing to apply to the Martian university of arts and culture in quadrant beta Z. That was when I heard Luke scream.

I brought the crate to a standstill. We were about 1.247 light years from Gaya, the fourth planet from Proxima. I walked into bay 2. Luke was there looking at me horrified. He had the monitor on garbage crate 2. I saw why he was convalescing. There was a distinct shape of a body there. I asked Luke to calm down. I started to suite up. I asked Luke to radio ahead to the authorities. I got into the pressure chamber. It still took about 23 minutes and 7 seconds to get the body acclimatized to the pressure change. Finally I was able to maneuver myself to crate 2.

I got back to bay 2 a bit out of breadth. That did not stop me from vomiting all over the floor as I took off the shield protection. I called out for Luke. Luke was right in front of me. His face was blue but he lay there serenely. I pulled myself together and checked for a pulse. Luke was dead. Oh my god- this could not be happening. Luke was like a half brother to me. We had grown up together. I ran out of the room into the lavatory- Puked all over the floor and started crying like a baby. A part of me wanted to keep doing that. But something inside me made me crash me head into the stern and brought me to me senses. I washed me face with some cold water. Oh and did I tell you why I was puking before I saw Luke? NO- I was not suffering from diarrhea and my guts are not equivalent to a little girl who has lost her lolly. I had found the body in crate 2 all right. And I knew whose it was too- Senator Seldon- Hari Seldon. This did not make any sense. I got back to the deck and switched on to a news channel. It was all over broadcast channels all right. There was blood hunt on for the kidnappers of the senator. And that was when I heard the name of my crate being mentioned and that the authorities were on the lookout for us.

I got hold of a paper bag and started breathing into it. I wasn’t afraid of the authorities but was sure that my father would murder me. I sat down to think. I closed my eyes and started to think of Sara. That calmed me down. I got myself together for the second time that night. I checked to see if Luke had indeed followed my orders for once and radioed for help. For the first time in my life I felt gratitude to the fact that Luke had not followed orders! Luke –poor Luke… I had to do something. I knew I could not land on Gaya with 2 bodies on board. I could just go ahead to Centauri A and dump my cargo with the bodies. But then all the routes would be monitored and I wouldn’t get as far as a parsec. I was a sitting duck either way. And that was when it struck me. Luke had been doing some idle banter earlier in the evening and all of that started to make sense. I chartered a course to Gaya and radioed ahead to the authorities-,” Enterprise to Watch tower 2... Enterprise to watch tower 2… Just heard the news. I am coming in with cargo… I am not a fugitive… I repeat I am not a fugitive… I am coming in… Hold off any fire …” I got an acknowledgment from watch tower 2 within seconds,” Enterprise this is Polize chief O Brien… acknowledged… this might be a mistake about your crate… but in every quadrant you still are a fugitive of the law. I would advice to ease your crate in…” I had about 27 minutes to Gaya. I had to act quickly. I dragged the senators and Luke’s bodies into the escape pod. You see there was a so called blind zone as you go around the dark side of beta K – the second moon of Gaya! And as we rounded the second moon I dumped the pod. Exactly 7 minutes later I landed on Gaya.

7 Days later...

Luke was sitting in front of me with Sara by his side. “You know you outdid yourself kid by figuring it out” I looked at him and looked away and got back to my drink. He smirked,” Common don’t be a baby. I couldn’t have done anything else. I gave you a fighting chance kid and I knew you would figure it out. I had my own ass to protect too. The plan I came up with was perfect… ” I continued as he continued to smirk,” So you injected yourself with paraketenomycin. That cut killed your sensories but kept you brain function intact. And you had Sara waiting on beta K with the ketamone antidote that restored all function. You also managed to get rid of the senators body there and then stop by to corroborate my story that you had missed the junk in the last space station which you needed no guessing at thanks to the powerful media that had my fantastic story on every galactic channel. You got paid off well for carrying out the perfect assassination didn’t you. I can’t tell anybody cause I can’t corroborate the true story can I after all I did to get off meself… “ I drank … He looked at me and said,” Kiddo you take care… enjoy yourself on Mars… you aint cut out for this business… for that any business.. ” He smirked and walked out with Sara arm in arm…. I looked at Sara’s fleeting figure and got back to my 4th….

The land of Magical Mysteries

2007-11-15T09:20:00.001-08:00

The land that came and went

It was Sunday again which meant it was finally the day off for the children. Joe, Besse, Fanny and Dick were all exited. Mother (Aunt to Dick) had said they could be off for the whole day and was packing them some cool cucumber sandwiches and cranberry juice. Singing in unison as the sun shone brightly they walked towards the enchanted wood. As they crossed over the border into the enchanted wood they could hear all the large redwood trees go “ Wisha Wisha Wisha”… Dick put his ear against one of the nice tall redwood trees and he heard them whisper,” We all welcome our friends who have helped preserve this forest and magical folk umpteen number of times with open branches” Dick laughed. Soon they where upon the largest tree in the forest where all their friends were at.. Little Silky, Moonface, Dame Washalot, Whathisname, the Sauscepanman, the angry pixie…

The red squirrel was waiting for them at the foot of the tree. “ Oh young sirs and madams, Moonface and the others are expecting you. I will let them know that you are here and he will let the basket down.” They were all happy to oblige. The day was rather warm to be climbing the tree all the way up. Soon one of Dame Washalots huge baskets came bumping down. They all got in and tugged on the rope. It went up like a roller coaster making it all the way up to Moonface’s house in no time. They knocked on the door to be welcomed by an aroma that tingled their senses beyond control. Moonface was beaming at them. He said,” Want a toffeshock?”. They all screamed,” Not now Moonface”

The Wrong Land of Dreams

“ What land is up in the cloud Moonface?”, asked Jo. “ It’s the land of Do as you please in an hour!”, beamed Moonface. The children all screamed in delight. An hour later they all climbed up the ladder into the cloud. One by one- Moonface, Silky, Fanny, Bessie, Jo, The saucepan man, Mr.Whatshisname and finally Dick. Once they were all up into the land was when it all went dark. A cloud cover cut the sunshine out with an eerie noise started playing in the background. Jo looked at Moonface and he saw something that had he had never seen terror on Monfaces’s face. Until then he had not felt scared. But now…

Everybody started screaming at once when Moonface shouted the loudest. “Calm down everyone. Do not be scared. Looks like we made a mistake with when the land of do as you please arrives.” Suddenly Silky screamed,” Look there is a round table and there are exactly 8 chairs”. They all walked towards it and saw there where 8 name cards with each of their names on it. Not knowing what else to do they sat down by their name tags. Once seated, a card magically appeared in front of Moonface. He read out aloud,” This is the land of magical mysteries. Moonface – you have been chosen to be the leader and moderator of this group. Now as we go along – each of you will be assigned a role- 4 strangers, a detective, a killer and a reporter based on an inner reading of you minds and abilities. The rules of the game are simple:

1) the killer can never proclaim to be the killer
2) the rest cannot lie about being the killer to put themselves above suspicion
3) you have 7 magical hours ( equivalent to 7 minutes in earth time) to rat out the killer
4) If you cannot rat out the killer or you break the rules you will be trapped in the land of magical mysteries forever…..

Now that Moonface had read his card- cards appeared in front of each of them that they picked up. Silky read aloud;” Reporter…” and she disappered. They all looked at each other in shock and terror. Moonface said with a strain in his voice.” Friends, I did not read everything I have in front of aloud. I am not supposed to. But get moving along and do not be scared. Trust me. Each of you read your cards. Our time clock is ticking.” Jo took up his card bravely and said, “ Detective..” .. vanishes… Dick,” Bookstore owner..”
..vanishes… The saucepanman ,” Diamond jweller..”.. vanishes.. Mr.Whatshisname,” Lumberjack..” .. vanishes.. Bessie,” Scheming socialite..” vanishes.. Fanny,” Bookstore assistant..” vanishes.

A Bit of Joe

As I walked down a dusky street of what seemed like a small town from the forties. I stopped to look at a map of the city. My card told me where my office would be. I was a successful private detective. The only private detective in this small town. I smiled to myself. I had always wanted to be a detective from one of those mystery novels. A watch come radio transmitter magically appeared on my hand and I heard Moonface say ,” Joe – keep the transmitter on at all times. I am the only one who can talk to you all at the same time. I know what each of you is doing and will try and keep anyone from breaking the rules. Good luck! I am now going to talk to each of the others…”

I walked up to my office. I opened the door. The view outside was now brilliant. The clouds had cleared and there was a beautiful rainbow outside. Things were looking up. I thought to myself—this ain’t so bad after all. I sure we can find out who the killer is. My pocket started tingling. I felt inside the dark brown overcoat I had been wearing. The card was trying to tell me something. I took the card out. It said – Go down the street to the diamond jewelers shop at once. I rushed out and ran down the street… looking out for the diamond jewelers shop. I heard Bessie scream. I ran into the shop and I found in bessies hand a diamond necklace to go with her elegant dress. The Saucepanman lay in the center of the room. Blood all over the place… Bessie was crying. I thought to myself,” No way Bessie my sweet little sister could have done that… could she have” I pondered. I was horrified. Could this be true? Was the dear Suacepanman really dead? I started to feel like puking.

But something inside me prevailed. I comforted Bessie out of sight. The “press” was here. Silky walked in. She had a camera in her hand. She looked horrified. She then looked at her card- put on a brave face and started taking photographs. I asked silky curiously,” What did it say?” She looked at me pained and said,” You know Joe as much as I do- I can’t tell you that!”

I started looking for clues. I asked no one to touch the body. Dick came running in panting. His bookstore was right across the road. He winced at the gory sight. I saw a note stuffed in a teapot by the Saucepanman. I took it out and read out aloud; “Go ahead - make my day” I looked at the Saucepanman’s wrist. It was missing the transmitter. I looked around and saw that both Fanny and Mr.Whatshisname were missing. I looked at Dick and said, “ Dick was fanny with you?”. He looked at me and said,” Yeah, She was right behind…. “And then he looked at me horrified and started running back across the street. I followed him at equal pace, the others at my heels.

We found her all right. A sweet smile lit her saintly face. I could not stand it. The tips of her fingers were black. Dick looked at me horrified. Bessie had just about stopped crying, started howling again. Silky was abnormally calm for some reason. I could not figure out why. Could she be..

I started looking around for clues. Right beside Fanny was a book with a note sticking out which said, “ Blondie, don’t die blondie.. “. What the hell is this I thought. None of this made sense. Silky went about her way taking photographs. She looked at her card again. And then looked furiously at me. I did not know why! I gave her a curious look …

Mr.Whatshisname walked in. He was wearing an outfit of a lumberjack singing out aloud

I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I work all day.

I cut down trees, I eat my lunch
I go to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays I go shopping and have buttered scones for tea

I cut down trees, I skip and jump
I like to press wild flowers.

I put on women's clothing and hang around in bars.
I cut down trees, I wear high heels
Suspenders and a bra.
I wish I'd been a girlie, just like my dear Papa!!

Just the Lumberjack:
I wish I'd been a girlie, just like my dear Papa!!

And giggling so he came and stopped in his tracks… Horrified. He looked from Joe to Dick to Bessie to dear Silky. We all looked at him in turn. He said,” Where’s the Saucepanman?”. I said,” He’s dead. We just saw his gory body across the street..” He looked at me confused and said,” I just went in there…There was no body.” This was becoming tiresome. As you would have it we rushed across the road to the place where we presumed the Saucepanman was. Mr.Whatshisname was right. There was no body. There was no blood. In fact there was no trace of a murder. The first thought that came to my mind was… had the Saucepanman faked his own death? Was he the killer? This was all too confusing for me.The lights suddenly went out. I heard Mr.Whatshisname scream. And then the lights came on. There was an axe sticking in the lumberjack. Silky started taking pictures. A note was stuck onto the woody part of the axe. I read it out aloud- “I know what you're thinking. "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?” I could not stand it any more. I ran out of the store. Down the street. I needed a Breadth of fresh air.

A Bit of Silky

Silky spoke into the microphone from her newspaper office, “ Moonface we just found Bessie dead. All the bodies have vanished into thin air. I have photos of each of the bodies. I feel like puking but I continue to gaze at them for some clue. I found a note by her that said-“ A man must know his limitations”.. I wanted to give it to Joe but he was nowhere to be seen… Do you think Joe did it?..” Moonface responded in a troubled voice ,” Silky you know that I cannot answer that… Keep at it with the photographs silky. That’s all I can say”.

There was a streak of lightning- and that was when she saw. Silky gave a small scream and ran outside- stuffing all the snuff pictures in her overcoat pocket. She screamed, “Joe wait up.” Joe did not turn back. He just kept running It started raining heavily. There was water all over. And then down an alley, the three that were stood.- Dick, Joe and Silky.

Dick screamed over the thundering rain,” Its one of us. We are all that is left.” Silky looked at them both and said, “ For what its worth, I found a note by Bessie that said a man must know his limitations” They looked at each other in terror. It had come down to this. They each looked at their cards for guidance. Time was almost up.

A little bit of Moonface :

They all were sitting in Moonface’s house on the top but one branch of the Magic Faraway tree. They were all beaming, having goodies and hot choclate and Moonface said particularly to Silky, Dick and Joe,” I knew you guys would figure it out.” Dick looked at Joe and said,” God Joe, what took you so long. I mean after all those Eastwood movies we saw together, I thought you would have it figured by the second chit. I am sorry all of you guys. But I had to “kill” you all to reduce the number of suspects. When I got to Bessie the land of magical mysteries figured out what I was doing and changed the rules of the game, Moonface told me I could not kill anybody else. I built it up so that Jo would get the clues. Silky how did you figure it was me?“ Silky beamed,” The photographs were helpful after all. They all showed the murderer was right handed and Joe is left handed.” They were all happy and Moonface said,” The land of Do as you please is here” They all screamed.

Blogging my blues

2007-09-14T17:14:00.001-07:00

Agent P whats playing in your mind right now..

Do ya want to know hostess.. well here goes u asked for it didn’t you..

Gary was a little ant
Who wanted to accomplish big things?
On he went
In a quest to find Scotland
Or something likes that

From that I presume you agree
That “that” did not like something
For if that was.. not the “that” I was talking about
it wouldn’t be a story would it
For Scotland might have been Gary’s plan
But “that” was something’s plan

For any story to progress mathematically
There must be a triangle do u not agree?
And you are right
For in Gary’s absence did “that” pine
For the great Gary who like any hero
Gained prominence only in absence
And not in presence but in dreams
As spread like wildfire of his non-ignominious self

Now if “that” not that had been ugly
There would be no story would there
As would neither if “something” had been
A viva la bene.. to point out I am not talking about “neither”
I hope you understand.. a story needs good and evil
Doesn’t it? For if not you would never think about a bioscope

Three years later did Gary return.. and guess what he was wearing?
A kilt for god sakes.. did I not say he went in search of Scotland?
“that” was there at his return party full of cronies trying to get a dance
Cleavage all about for the hero
And as any good movie would go
Now was a time for a flashback

But this is no ordinary flashback my friend
For here comes another concept of mathematics
Ever heard of an inverse triangle?
Here was one if you could dare question
For Gary had always eyes for …. “something”

And his quest for Scotland had been in the hope of forgetting
His vague vagaries.. and in the misconceptions
That a kilt was a skirt and a land of men in skirts
Would help him forget would it not?
But upon reaching Scotland had he realized
A kilt was a skirt not and there were female vagaries
Everywhere and anywhere

A bene time to introduce another mathematical concept being
1 over infinity has no defined solution
And at this point with each pining for the other
Each and other not being names of ants not adding to any confusion
Does the story end to the user imagination..

The imperfect 10..

2007-09-06T19:23:00.000-07:00

I was watching Home improvement after a long time on cable today. This got me want to do a top ten on the English shows I watched while growing up between 3rd and 8th std. Here goes

10) Baywatch – That I started watching in 6th std .. god what an awesome show for delinquents which I am proud to b..:D. .

9) Duck Tales and Talespin- Sunday.. Doordarshan.. What else can I say

8) 21 Jump Street- Became a huge fan of Johnny Depp after I started watching this show. sometime in 4th Std

7) Dharma and Greg- Started watching this in the 7th std. Was in coimbatore then The first two seasons were awesome but then kinda got clichéd

6) Street Hawk – One of a kind on Doordarshan.. something I waited for on Sundays

5) Small wonder- Brilliant show..

4) Home Improvement- agh agh agh… ( pronounced as agh agh agh)..

3) The Wonder Years- Sooper show.. had a big crush on “Winnie Cooper” for a long time

2) M*A*S*H – one of the funniest shows ever.. Alan Alda as Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce was just awesome.. started watching MASH sometime in 6th std too..

1) Star Trek- ( and the Next generation).. inspired SF at the right age…

Another cockroach song!

2007-08-30T17:09:00.000-07:00

A cockroach once lived in a cat’s ears
For when the cat was a kitten
It had stumbled upon a hidden lair
And to punish the kitty
The mama cockroach laid an egg
In its ears

From the day that the roach hatched
The kitty’s life was changed for ever
For evil in its stand it was
Whispering to the kitty always
Things like pee on the sofa
Getting it into trouble always

The kitty still had a life of its own
And this started when the roach slept
Eight hours of freedom did it get
And in that eight hours what did the kitty do?
Twas too tired to do anything
It tried to stay awake but its eyes would droop
And soon it too would fall asleep

Sometimes it got up before the roach was up
It tried to tell its master the whole story
It meowed and rubbed against its masters legs
But all that he did was show affection to the kitty
For a couple of minutes and then be on his way

The kitty soon became a cat but
Still controlled by the evil roach in its head
Its master would not forgive its peeing trouble
Anymore as cute
And having researched incontinence so much
Declared that was its problem
And had named her stinky for a reason

For everybody that came along
The cat was so friendly it would meow
Try to tell its poor story
But no one could understand it
All would but pet it and ask
Its master her name
And the master would reply
Well her name is Stinky and the reason u ask?
Is exactly what you think of..

The cat was fed up of being controlled
But what could she do?
She had seeked help from the supposedly greatest
Intelligentsia of the animal kingdom- the humans
But no one had been ever been able to understand her plight
And that was when she met an ant

The ant she befriended when one day the roach slept
Nine hours the roach had been sleeping
Analogous to the cats nine lives you might think
But it had no relation to that

The ant understood at once
What the bad roach had been doing
And valiantly he climbed into her ears
And being the gentleant he did not make a sneak attack
But challenged the roach to a duel

The duel was fought long and hard
And had there not been a fart
From a passing human being which
Was directed directly at the cats face
Which she turned abruptly letting it all
Seep into her ears and not her nose

Like I was saying before
Had it not been for that fart
The battle would have been longer and harder
But this one random event
Killed the tired roach for
It was not fast enough in covering its nose
From this toxic event

The ant climbed out victorious
The befuddled cat impressed
She cried in gratitude to the ant
But the ant being a gentleant
Took no advantage of the situation but said
I will be on my way oh fair cat
And someday you will show the same compassion
That I have shown today

The color Red

2007-08-23T18:32:00.000-07:00

The color red is so beautiful
But then I do not understand
Why is the color of blood so gory?
Tell me oh sacred one why?

Is it due to the hemoglobin?
But then that is the carrier of life
Is it not?
Oh sacred one please tell me so

The pigments that cause it to be of the same
Have the same chemical as any other pigment
And yet when someone stabs you in the heart
And the blood oozes out
God it is so gory… sacred one
Please tell me to fear not

Now there are two ways the heart can be stabbed..
By the knife of a surgeon which is bearable
Because you are already high on drugs
But the other unbearable
Oh sacred on please tell that neigh to happen

Lets talk about that
You might ask me why is it so painful
Because in this case you guessed it
The cause is a woman
The stab comes without you knowing it
And you may try the same solution
Of drugging yourself against this unseen wound
But it is two late aint it

You weren’t pre-drugged so to say
And that oh sacred one was the cause
The root cause and I aint talking bout no trees
If you wanna correlate the roots
Beetroot is red too but a different kind of red
And to be politically correct I would say “Native root”
Rather than racially discriminate against the different color red

And too think all this started with the color red…

Goofy would be proud of me

2007-08-10T17:42:00.001-07:00

The last five weeks I have been embarrassing myself more than ever in public. Every time I think I cannot better this I somehow manage to do so. Here’s the top five:

5) The first time I have friends in my new ride.. I back straight into a scooter that is parked behind me. Ppl start doubting I even know how to drive..:(

4) As I leave Minneapolis I stop for one last lunch. Leaving the place I back straight into a car parked behind me and to top it all it has a couple sitting inside totally flabbergasted!

3) In the place where I had lunch I drop coffee all over the table and when the waitress gets there I apologize so sheepishly that she starts laughing out so loud that I am even more embarrassed.

2) it’s a Saturday and I am coming out of a post office feeling real peachy and I walk straight into a glass barrier ( just like the saint Gobain add) and almost break my nose. Everybody in there looks at me with pity and horror and thinks I for one am surely on drugs.

1) I think that lunch hour is included in the 8 hour working day. APPARENTLY NOT!

Cats!!

2007-08-08T16:34:00.000-07:00

One of the many things I miss from migrating to the US are my cats. I raised three kittens and had gotten so close to them that I was treating them like my son and daughters. A few days ago when I got back from office (yes even I find it hard to believe that I have a 8-5 job now!), it was raining, pardon the pun, but-- cats and dogs. As I ran into my apartment building I saw a cat sitting under a car at the opposite end of the parking lot. I bent down to get a look and smiled at it and walked into my apartment.

The next day when I got back from office and I got otta my car, to my surprise I found her waiting for me. She came running to me meowing in full might, just as my kittens did when I got back from college. I lifted my leg as I would to my kittens and she did the same thing walked around me in circles meowing all the while and rubbing her head ferociously against my shoes. And then showing her head to me as if to say go ahead pet me. I was overcome by a joy that I had missed all this time. I let her pet me for the next fifteen minutes before I bid her adieu. Now if only women were that easy!!

Chaar Hafte Attahis Din...

2007-07-30T17:53:00.002-07:00

Four weeks ago I was still in my ever blissful state of happy laziness that I thought I would never have to give up. I was in control of the pace at which I wanted things to go. I did not own a car and walked to school everyday having not bought a bus-pass in a frugal attempt to save money. I did not mind walking to school. That would be one of the best parts if the day. And then things just went crazy with just the sheer pace at which it happened. I got an offer I could not refuse and to take up that offer I had to leave good old Minneapolis and swap for Cleveland. I decided that the best way to get there would be to road-trip. It was about 800 miles. Now to road-trip I realized I needed a car. I started looking for good deals on second hand cars in the midst of trying to wrap up my work at school. I looked at one car and decided I wasn’t looking at deals anymore. I heard this dialogue in one of the crappiest movies of the summer –Transformers… “You don’t choose your car She chooses you”… that seemed so true in this case. I have been cribbing in my previous posts about having been forced to grow up… these four weeks have had me do more adult ( not XXX I would wish though).. things than ever. Heck I found myself not only planning how I was to get to Cleveland but also how to finance my car… boy was she worth all the trouble of growing up though..:) ..

Now that I had my vahanam as the D-day arrived I got most of my work wrapped in Minneapolis ( whatever little I had left K was gracious enuf to take on for me which is extremely well appreciated..:) ]. I put all of my stuff into thy new and shiny ride and bid adieu to friends so supportive I am sure I will not ever find.

And so started my journey… a foray into the unknown. The road trip was different this time because I was doing it alone this time around. It felt strange. Here how I did the 800 odd miles…

I drove to Preoria in Illinois where an old friend H had moved to in the past few months.

I spent Saturday catching up with him and driving him crazy with my HP mania. I bought HP7 and the bugger read the last page and threatened to spoil the ending.. an ending I had frankly been waiting for all of these four years since the HP bug bit me. So I used all of my vile resources in cheating him with some arbit sentimentality I somehow managed to stop him from revealing the end..( though I am sure he wouldn’t have done so even else..:)]. It was nice to catch up with him.

And then on a sunny Sunday morning I bid him adieu and started on the second leg as

As I reached Cleveland I had been of the mind that all I would have to do is look at three places that I had found on the net and move in and get settled. I was in for a shock that I did not like any of the places. It was Sunday evening and I was joining work the next day. I kicked my self for not having a plan B. Finally I found myself in a motel for the night. Now I had been warned by many that Cleveland is a ghetto place and not crime free. For some reason I could not believe it to be as bad as what it was portrayed as till I drove around looking for apartments! At one place when I was talking to a realtor that I was new to the place and how was the neighborhood he replied,” since I am renting out this place I cannot comment on the neighborhood… all I can say is that if any of my tenants have had a problem the police have bene at hand within 10 minutes”. Boy that sure psyched me out!! On top of all that I was cash strapped as well putting almost all of my life savings in getting there. Thankfully before the Super8 motel made me file for bankruptcy I found the place I knew I wanted to reside at…

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shaker_Heights,_Ohio

In the mean time I have also started working. Something that I have managed not to do all my life I suddenly found myself thrown into. All I can say is a clichéd… Life is full of surprises!

The Odyssey of Karikula

2007-07-12T23:37:00.000-07:00

Prologue:

A scream sounded into the eerie night. The sentinels posted outside the queen’s chambers were on their toes. The head sentinel Ramdin knew it to be equivalent to suicide as to the next steps he was about to follow, for entering the queens chamber’s at this time of night was very much the same. But the loyalty for the royal family that was instilled in his blood was much stronger than the fear of his own life. He ordered the chamber doors to be opened and entered. What he saw brought him to tears for the beloved queen he had served so ardently over the years lay on her beautiful ornate golden bed with a a knife buried like the sword of Arthur. Blood was everywhere. And then that sorrow turned to rage as he turned to see the stable head cringing in tears at the foot of the bed. He had an irresistible urge to make use of his beautiful aide. But intelligence prevailed and he ordered the stable head to be taken into custody.

Deductions :

I was not a happy man. I felt pity at the position my young apprentice had brought upon himself. He had felt the need to challenge the stupid oaf who had insulted me for such an inane object of desire. I value life over pride but Karikala had left me no choice but to intervene the swordplay that had ensued. My sword was soon through the thick hide of Bhooma. I had tried to spare his life but his pride had not allowed for such leeway and here he lay dead upon my feet. I knew Karikala felt humiliated for he thought he couldn’t defend my honor. Too me this had been a lost cause where everybody ended up being miserable. I felt bad for my young apprentice. A couple of hours later we stopped for a drink of water.

We were at the banks of the river Narmada by the gates of the great city of Hampi. A plethora of palace guards approached us and read out summons in my name to the royal court. I wondered how the king knew of my presence in the vicinity. I accepted to go along with the guards as a fine horse was provided for me. Karikala looked extremely confused and piqued but dared not ask me anything. We were soon at the gates of one of the greatest palaces I had come across in my journeys I was escorted to the court directly. I felt irritation at the way I was being treated. I felt I had not been showed the respect a common guest would be shown and given no time to refresh myself. As we entered the court I said,” Oh noble king, I am honored that you think me capable of solving this murder that is plaguing your mind”. Everyone but the king in the court gasped. The king looked at me and said,” O wise one. Your deductive powers are even better in person than all of the legendary stories I have heard of you. I apologize for the inconvenience that I have caused you in bringing you here without any proper invitation and respect. But the events that have ensued in the palace since the night before last have plagued me badly. I haven’t had a wink of sleep and when I heard about your presence in the vicinity from the royal spies I thought it wise to consult you on the matter“The king soon described the gruesome death of his beloved and the presence of the trusted stable head in the queen’s chambers. The minister, Kulothunga, spoke.” My lord there seems to be no doubt that the stable head was responsible. He has confessed so himself. He should be beheaded immediately”

I thought for a while in silence and then said,” I have a strange request, your highness. Please do not take this in the wrong sense but in order to help realize the truth my young aide and I would like to spend the night in the queen’s chambers alone.” The whole court was sent buzzing and Koulathunga said,” How dare you... You shall be beheaded for such insolence.” But the king said,” Calm down minister. And remember that I am still king. O noble one your wish will be granted. I will ask for the chamber to be made habitable at once.” I continued, “My king, I would leave it as it is. Do not worry for my comfort. My young apprentice will make sure I am not in too much discomfort” The king said,” So be it. May you soon relieve me of my misery and help me act as a good king”

My aide and I entered the chamber. As we entered I said,” Karikula, do you believe in ghosts, spirits that come plague you from the ever beyond?” Karikula shuddered and said.” Oh master, do not scare me more than I am already so, why do you play such with your young aide’. Self,” Do not fear something you cannot see or know about Karikula. There is always a reason a thought.. Behind every action and reaction.. Now tell me this do you think the queen was murdered by the stable boy?” Karikulala,” I do not think so for the king wouldn’t have summoned you. It is my belief that the king was the wisest in the courtroom and his love for his queen more so. But still he summoned you to solve this mystery that nobody else believes is…” Self,” Karikula you amaze me with the progress you make. You are already sharper than I ever was. Those are all very good observations. You learn well my young apprentice. Look for a secret passageway on the walls on the opposite side of the room Karikula.” He looked at me confused. I said,” The stable boy could not have entered without one and so couldn’t have Koulathunga.” Now Karikula looked both confused and amazed. I continued,” Koulathunga had to have been here Karikula and if I am right once we find the passageway we will find that it leads not only as an escape route outside but somewhere along so to Koulathunga’s chambers. He gave himself away by the sheer anxiety for “justice” to prevail in court today, Karikula” Karikula soon found the passageway and we started down the long darkness that stared so at us.

It had been a long night. A night that had helped establish all my theories. As the sun had risen I had requested a private audience with the king. The king had not slept either; I could see the sorrow in his eyes. I started.” My lord I have some very disturbing news. The queen was murdered by your minister, Koulathnga” the king looked ashen at me. I went on to tell him about the passageway. Halfway through, we had found a secret passageway within the secret passageway that led to Koulathunga’s chambers. A search this morning had yielded a dagger that was the exact replica of the dagger that was used to kill the queen. The king called in the royal guard and asked for the minister to be taken into custody. I went to oversee the same. As Koulatunga went past me he looked at me and whispered his gratitude. I looked at him with anger only for a moment and then felt pity at the fact that such an intelligent minister would soon be put to death.

Epilogue:

Karikula said passionately,” What a rogue! To murder the queen in such cold blood. He deserved no sympathy” I looked at my apprentice and said,” Karikula do not be hasty in your judgment. Koulathunga is many things but he was not a murderer.” Karikula looked a bit confused and said,” I figured that the stable head was the queens lover a secret that she had hidden from all but was confident that Koulathunga had been blackmailing the queen and in hasty action killed her.” I smiled with pride at my student,” Karikula as usual you make me proud. You are right on two accounts but your trust in me failed you this time. For because you trust me so you did not see me plant that dagger in Koulathunga’s chambers. The sleight of hand, a trick a learnt from my master… Guru Vijayalaya.“ Karikula exclaimed,” But why master? And if he did not kill the queen then who did?” I continued,” The queen was not murdered Karikula. She committed suicide. She was fed-up with Koulathunga blackmailing her constantly into betraying the king for a love that she had long forgotten. She had once loved the stable head much before she became queen. The stable head had betrayed her love in a sense for he had not stood up and asked for her hand in marriage for they were from different castes. The queen had always been bitter about that. That night Koulathunga had planned to assassinate the king and had tried to use the queen herself as a weapon. The queen was a shrewd woman though. She had a plan of her own to thwart Koulathunga. She had always been loyal to the king for he had always loved her more than even his own life. She devised a plan were in she could end her misery, and in the process also take vengeance upon the stable head whom she despised so, and thought to be the cause of all her troubles. So she blackmailed the stable head to her chamber’s that night and as she heard his footsteps coming down the secret passageway she killed herself…my aide I had no other choice but to frame Koulathunga for the death. You may question my decision but I put a lot of thought into it. The king being noble and just would have never believed my analysis of Koulathungas character. The stable head would never have admitted that he had been the queens former lover for that would betray his king and smudge the reputation of the queen. Koulathunga would have eventually found a way to assassinate the good king. So my young apprentice with deep sorrow did I frame Koulathunga.” Karikula concluded,” That’s why he whispered gratitude Sensei, he felt gratitude that you did not tell the king of his plot of assassination. He accepted the fate of being put to death for that rather than being banished from the kingdom as a traitor. Sensei I would never mean you disrespect and would never doubt your decision. But my young instincts somehow cannot justify using evil means to achieve good ends. The king had the right to know of all…” I said,” Young one you are again right on all accounts. But I had the kingdom at mind rather than the king as an individual. The king is needed by his people at these testing times and cannot afford an emotional breakdown on his front. In his eye his queens dignity needed to be maintained. The queen deserved no less…” I could see my aide was not completely convinced. But to me he had taken a great step towards the better for his reasoning was becoming better by the day and he had finally stopped blindly believing in me and that was the next step of his education to greatness. We walked down the forest path away from the great city of Hampi into the sunset….

Of the Piano man, a Violin and a damsel

2007-06-24T19:36:00.000-07:00

“That was masterful maestro” Randy the saxophonist called out as I left after a hard Friday nights work. “Yeah I know, I am the best” I smirked. “You over confident jackass... catch ya later” he called out. It had been a hard week. I had worked about 80 hours just to meet ends. The gigs we got Friday nights were the best part of the week. Hopefully sometime soon a scout would recognize our talent. If Randy were still here he would have said,” FAT-CHANCE sucker”. At 2 am I stopped by for a sandwich which was when I saw her. A sophisticated black dress, a charming face soaked in tears. I just moved on. The dame just ain’t my type. I walked in and got my sandwich. Just as I was about to exit the god-dammed cheapo place I heard a gunshot. I came out to see a gun in the dame’s hand, her face now full of anxious surprise… a guy bleeding to death lying in front of her and a car speeding away. “I sure have enough to worry about than get involved in any shit like this”, I thought to myself. And so like any archetypical modern hero, I did the sane human thing to do in such a situation. I turned and ran in the opposite direction as fast as I could. As my luck would turn out I was not fast enough. I still don’t know how the cops got there that soon for 10 minutes later I was in the back of a police junk interrogation looming close at hand.

The room I had seen in many a movie but to be there in person knowing superior cops were staring through the “mirrored” walls was getting my balls itchy, so to say. Jack walked in then and gave me a stern look and said,” What the fuck were you doing there you Dumb-ass?” I looked at him with the “most” puppy dog innocent face that I could muster and said” Getting a sandwich… Officer” He gave me a stern look and said,” why the fuck did you run?” I looked at him and replied almost before he completed his insult,” Oh come on officer, human reaction? I don’t know. I just don’t need to be involved in such a situation. I have nothing to do with this and I don’t intend to be doing anything with it either” Jack looked at me and said,” So you have nothing to do with Erika either” Now why did that name sound familiar,” No the name sure ain’t ringin no bells in that fucked up brain of mine. And let me make it clear here officer.. I aint seen nothing… I certainly aint testifyin my balls off… and don’t gimme any “obstruction of justice crap” cause I aint have no heart for me to change” That I thought was a pretty passionate speech for all the fear I was in. Jack just looked at me and said,” You are free to go” givin me one of those real sincere smiles.

As I walked out I sure as hell was wonderin why the fuck had I been let go. The creative part of my brain was makin up a pome of the whole situation which sang

A blonde in a black dress
Always a killer so to say
Killer of my nifty balls
Up and down so to say
But this blonde sure is a Killer
So to say…

I would have gone on all night but then my creative spot was killed by two nice looking gentlemen in black suits who forced me into the back of a limo. Now being the first time in the back of a limo I couldn’t help me-self saying,” I have always wanted to pee in the back of a limo” A regular dream of any guy I would presume. Suit1,” Shut the fuck up. Did you tattle mister piano player”. How in gods name did all these people know who I was. “ Yeah Dumbass… that’s why the police let me go with no escort so that they would have evidence no more..” Suit2,” So you dumb M*****fUc$ you tatled” Why do the henchmen always have to be so dumb. This was stereotypical. I thought if ever in real life I came across the situation I was in… I would meet a henchman intelligent as hell… but Nooo… my luck wasn’t getting any better as was my patience. But looking at the piece that both Suits held I thought I had better sober myself,” No siree… I saw nothing was what I said and was let to go Scott-free as does one of the amendments of the constitution herald to me” They both looked at me open-eyed…I continued slowly,” Let me rephrase. I saw nothing… I said nothing… and so they let me go “ A whaling siren behind our car sounded out. A cop car was on our tail. Both suits said in unison,” Shit… shoot the dumb Mother-fuker..” I sure wasn’t waitin around for that to happen. As both the suits prepared to fire in unison I just jumped out of the limo. The suits hadn’t noticed my hand on the lever of the door all of the time. And the cop-car had created the distraction I needed. I rolled out down a small hill into a bush. God that was painful. I did what I do best in situations like these. I ran as fast as I could into the dark night.

I got to my rundown Sela- maintained ( which equals bug ridden) apartment. The time was four am. I sure needed my precious sleep. As I opened the door I saw the dame seated on my couch. She sure looked familiar now that she was up-close. I switched on the light and said,” when the hell did you change your name to Erika… Jessica and from when in hell did you start dressin so classy” She used to sing in the same joint where I jammed till she got a better gig. I could hear violins play in the background as she talked. I wasn’t payin attention. God… why did she do this to me? Focus you dumbass. “Be more coherent and stop cryin sweet-heart”. I heard her talk this time… cutting out the sound of the violins that were playin in my mind… “ I did not know where else to go to. But when I saw you out there I knew you were the only one who could help me. I did not kill John… he was the guy you saw shot there… he is an auditor… he was my ticket out of that fucked up joint… I grabbed that ticket… I am sorry I didn’t tell you I was leaving… “God she looked so pretty… “Calm down and tell me the whole story sweetie”

As it turned out John the auditor had got her that big break in the “ Ella- Petit”. What she hadn’t known was that the Ella was owned by a mobster for whom John the auditor audited for. She was being harassed by the mobster himself for she was sweet chunk of pie and John hadn’t been really standin up for her. Things weren’t adding up. She sure wasn’t the part of a damsel in distress. For that matter I aint no knight in shining armour either. That was when Phillip… “the Mobster”… entered my house with two suits behind him.

“Where the fuck is my money… Jess” Phillip said in a cultured manner that you now come to expect of such high class jackasses. Jess stammered,” I don’t know Phillip… John never told me”. “In that case I have no other choice. My friend you play the piano real well”. I sure in hell was getting famous. Just that the scouts did not know I even existed. His piece locked directly on Jess. I jumped in front of Jess as I heard gunshots for the second time that morning. I was wrapped around Jess as she said “ Get off me you dumb fuck” Not the words I expected to hear. But then I sure did not expect meself to be jumpin to save a dame riskin my own ass. Damned violins. Jack entered stage right with two cronies for cops behind him.” You alright Erika” Jess“Yeah Jack.. Thought I had been crushed to death by this dumbass though” she looked at me exasperated. For once in my life I was dumbstruck. The violins had sure stopped playin. Three dead bodies decorated my otherwise bland living room. Soon the forensics were all over the place followed by press people. I tried to give them an interview. Thought that the scouts might read it and I might get my chance. They just pushed me away. My luck wasn’t getting any better.

As the officers cleared my living room I caught up with Jack,” Why the hell did ya let me go that easy?” Jack replied solemnly,” to catch the bad guys… you were great bait piano player…” “ What if I had been….. killed……” I stammered. Jack laughed cynically,” I sure in hell wouldn’t have missed you” I wanted to strangle him with violin strings. I asked” All this for some dumb mobster”. Jack looked at me surprised,” who Phillip? He aint no mobster. Made his money through some insurance fraud scheme. Used John the auditor to make his assets legal. Don’t know why he killed him when he had everythin legal and all. Must have been some pride issue between the two. I say the world aint gonna miss either of those bastards” So all I was… was bait. My stomach had an empty feeling.

So I got some tuna otta the fridge. Oh well that’s life. As I was about to dig in Jess came back into the house. She came straight for me and kissed me long and hard. Now I was one confused dumbass. She looked at me and asked “ Are you all right?”. I looked at her and found myself saying,” Jess… what was that about” She looked at me in exasperation,” Don’t you see I love you. Always have. You risked your life for me…. I couldn’t believe you would get your selfish ass to do that” I looked at her and smiled,” Neither did I babe… before we take things further I need to know the truth babe..”She sat down.

She said,” Well its like this. John liked to take me at gunpoint and loved it when I looked scared and cried” I thought back to her tear stained face earlier that night ..she continued,” He was playing with his gun “terrorizing” me when he saw Phillips car come by. He had been avoiding him cause he had no idea what had happened to all that money Phillip was talking about. In his haste he dropped the semi cocked gun he was holding, It went off as it hit the ground the bullet going through his balls. God the blood all over the place” She shuddered. I started talking for some reason,’ Jack was in on this with you in stealing that money wasn’t he?” She looked at me and said,” you aint that much of a dumb dumbass that you have everyone thinking… yeah he was the one who came up with the plan of making it look like a murder that we could pin on Phillip”

She started to kiss me again. Those godamned violins started playin in the background God… why cant I hear pianos and not devilish violins. I sure in hell wasn’t complainin bout that though…..

Winds of change..

2007-06-20T23:02:00.000-07:00

As I left the remnants of downtown to enter boom park the sounds of vehicles died out. All I could hear was the flow of the backwaters of the Mississippi, birds chirping and a path laden with trees. Soon I came upon a place where the path split into two. On one side was an old railway bridge while the other lead to a seeming tar laden road. I was confused as to which would I take. I went a couple of steps on the rickety bridge only to turn back out of a inborn fear as to the security of finding something known. As I turned back there were two teens on their bikes. I asked them if this would lead to some kind of secure path. She just smiled at me and said “I don’t know”. It was the carefree way in which she told me the same that got me thinking.

I have feared change at a lot of levels over the past few months. With graduation looming close by the fear of finding a secure future has been haunting me. On top of that after a much anticipated India trip at the beginning of the year.. a feeling that I never expected I would feel haunted me through the first few months. Feelings of home-sickness that is. It hit me to be honest when I never expected it to. Things have changed leaps and bounds over the last six months and things are storming forward. I thought I did not want the change and could not take it any more.

As a kid my dad had a transferable job and we never stayed in the same place for more than a couple of years .I never found it difficult as such to move. It was always a new adventure to look forward to. Too make more connections and be exposed to a new environment. Never had to worry about responsibilities. Did not have to plan anything out. Those things where done by adults. Maybe that’s why I have been scared.

That’s what I thought. But then when I heard what the kid said it changed my whole perspective. I saw a hidden message.. a philosophy in it all. I see change is a constant in life and not something that’s going to “change”. I know that’s strange but that’s what I learnt. I said .. what the heck.. and ran down the rickety bridge.. carved out a way through the wilderness and reached a safe secure familiar road again. But then the excitement and rush of blood I felt only while I was on the rickety bridge trying to get to the road. Not once I reached it and ran along the familiar stretch...

Chandramouli - The redux stories

2007-06-15T14:26:00.000-07:00

*the characters that have been so potrayed are purely fictitious and bear no resemblence whatsoever to anybody or anything in real life...

At the age of 24 Chandramouli was a repressed goat in heat. His research consumed most of his time and socializing apparently was not his skill. Professor Mansen was extremely demanding and on top of that had “inspired” him to run the marathon. Saturdays were tiring. As such he had a lot of experiments to run on top of which his marathon training was would peak taking atleast a couple of hours of training and then the inevitable tiredness.

At 8pm his hunger peaked and he decided to get to a chinki restaurant were he could get some real spicy food. Seated by the window he decided to catch up with his mom. And then she came to be seated soo close to him that he almost shouted out the f word while on the fone with his mom.. what he ended up saying was his order was here and he would talk to her later. Chandramouli started to stutter in his usual nerdy fashion only this time it was while he wa..wass thinking. “ Should I talk to her.. what would she say.. mebbe she would call the cops.. meebe she would slap me.. “.. now it is not normal in Chandramouli’s world that guys talk to girls all the time. “should I .. I don’t think I will………………what the heck nobody I know is here to see me get slapped.........”………..” hey would u care for some company.. are you eating alone tonight?” Fair maiden (not Iron maiden)“ yeah I am “.. C”so do you got to the university here?” FM” No I am actually here on vacation I am from Louisiana”.. “ that’s nice” FM” so what do you do”..C” I go to the U here.. My research involves nano particle paint fabrication…#@!@#@##@#@####” ( really interesting as that was lets move on..) “ so whats your name?”.. FM” Mines really tough to pronounce its Celia Anatonopiolika.. I am originally from Russia” ( well an Iron maiden after all..).. C” mines tougher you know its Chandramouli Radhakrishnan.. actually my full name is Kentalla(village) Gopalakrishnan( Grandpapas name) Radhakrishnan( Dads name) Chandramouli ( u guessed it my name.. heheheheheh) pattabhi ( my gotram name) Iyer ( my clan).. huhh“ FM smiling” Hey that’s quite a time you would have to sign wouldn’t you??” C” No no I don’t go by the whole name.. “ The waiter comes with C’s check..(ppl back home thts just a lingo thing the bill is called check and I don’t know what the check is called.. these crazy Americans you know..)

So Chandramoulis gets up to get to the counter to pay. The stuttured thinking is back ..
C’ s apparent devilish side (*DC)..” Ask her out you dumbass.. nobody who has a boy friend comes out alone on a saturaday night”.. C’s angel ( *AC – being real creative with theses names ain’t I..;) ] “ What will your mother say.. she will surely burst out crying .. think about yours dads position in society after you ask her out.. think about your grandmas frail heart condition.. do you want to be the cause of her “murder”.. Chandramouli you have been brought up with “strong values” .. do not do it .. thou shall not sin sin sin…..”.Chandroamouli just ran out of the restaurant not looking back…DC” DUMBASS.. ”……

Hrd ths song fter a long time.. and still speaks to me in such a clear fasion bout the music industry!!!

Theoretically I knew who the killer was.....

2007-06-03T00:11:00.000-07:00

It had been two months since Professor Mansen had been murdered. I had been hired by the dean to solve the case quickly and quietly. The dean knew people would open up to me more so than the police. Other than my obvious charm the fact was I knew of everyone who was part of the murder investigation.

I had solved the case days ago but had been collecting enough information to back my theory. So the night I finally revealed the mystery behind the killer’s identity, which by chance happened to be 06.06.2006, I invited all the suspects to dinner at the deans house. The guest list included- Professor Mansons wife Svetlana, Professor Mansons mistress – Jennette, two graduate students working under him Xing and Chandramouli and the janitor Odumbe. I also requested the presence of the police chief – Ohara.

The environment was set. Dinner started with soup and crumpets. The deans wife was a great hostess taking good care to lighten the environment which felt like an icy edge.
We got through dessert a good 45 minutes later. I got up with a glass of wine in my hand and said, “This is not a toast and each of you in this room wernt invited to pass on condolences. We have a killer in this room and in 25 minutes all of us will know his identity”, I could see sweat percolating down brows of 5 faces, I was starting to enjoy myself.

I continued, “ Each of you had a motive didn’t you..” that wasn’t a question..” Xing, Professor Manson stole all of your work on nano particle paint fabrication under the threat of deportation did he not..” again not a question.. “ all of three years of real path breaking research down the drain .. tell me Xing was that not motive enough?” you could call this a question but the I knew he was not the killer. Xing responded ” I not …kill nobody..”. Self.” I know that Xing but it till is a strong motive a strong enough motive for you yourself to become a blackmailer. You had been blackmailing Chandramouli haven’t you..” definitely not a question. Xing remained quiet. “ Which brings me to you Chandramouli..Xing was blackmailing you about your affair with Svetlana hasn’t he..” a gasp escaped from the 40 year old blondes lips and all that Chandramouli did was stutter.
“ but what Xing and chandroamouli did not know is that it was Professor Manson who introduced the duo.. it was his master plan of getting rid of his wife..” I looked around as my audience is rapt in attention..” But then to me Chandramouli is to much of a sissy to be a killer cant even last 2 minutes can he Svetlana..” I could see her blush..” that brings me to you Jennette ,, sweet innocent Jennete .. How did the Professor win you over ? was it with his poetic skills?.. was this the verse that won you over in the bar 4 months ago

O Jennette
Sweet Jennette

A female divinity
My passions exceed
Pie r^2 [infinity]" [read as to the times infinity]

Jennette gasped” how did you come across that..” Chandramouli could not resist saying,” but that is meaningless how could anyone fall for the .. anybody can tell that unless ‘r’ is defined its stupid..” I smiled..” well we need to give some kind of poetic licence I assume.. but then Jennette you did not know of Professor Mansons necrophilic gay activities till he invited you a couple of weeks before his death to a session did you..” I paused here and looked at Odumbe the 60 year old Odumbe.. I wanted to note the expression on his face for I knew Jennette wasn’t the killer.. I could hear Jennette sniffling.. I had been harsh but then I had no other choice..” which brings me to reveal the identity of the killer Mr.Odumbe.. “ everybody turned surprised to the janitor not talked of through the night wondering why the hell he was here.. all but Jannette who continued sniffling. I continued “ Mr. Odumbe planned this out meticulously.. he knew that Professor Manson was training to run for the marathon. For this during each of his long runs on a Saturday the Professor would leave his keys in his mailbox except for the department main door keys which he would stuff into his secret pocket of his running shorts. Odumbe had been watching him for an opputunity over 12 weeks prior to his successful attempt at murdering the Professor. He then took the professors keys and accesed his nano particle lab and added a pure layer of arsenic to the bottom of the professors coffee mug.. Odumbe tried to remain calm,” what motive did I hav “ dick” I mean “Private Detective” ..” I smiled an evil smile” simple my dear Watson” I hammed ..” I know that you were his gay partner for several years were you not and you were that guy whom..” I looked at Jannette’s face., her beautiful face, she was sobbing now..” you also aided him in his disgusting pedophilic activities by inviting innocent young African immigrants .. did you not !!” I shouted my eyes red.. Odumbe broke down crying like a baby ..” you just coudnt stand the fact that he was drifting away from you to Jannette could you”.. the police chief stunned at first called in the constable to take odumbe into custody.. everybody was still in shock.. I comforted Jennete.. I told her that I still had feelings for her and apoligised for putting her through this trauma.. she smiled at me for the first time that night.

As I sat beside Odumbe during the ride to the police station.. he looked at me and whispered..” I did not kill him you know” .. I looked at him and smiled..” I know you sick fuck .. because I did…………” Jennete was just too important to me…………

......................................................................................................................................................

2007-05-31T01:00:00.000-07:00

Missing the blue yonder
Is like missing all of thee
Hope this isn’t the last that I
See of all of thee

Years from now
When we are all older.. Matured
All I hope is that we remember
Each of the good times we had together
For these are the times that helped shape my mind
Attributed to a growth that I cannot forget

Experiences in life I might have had galore
But none shall I cherish as much as the last couple of years
Sappy that this might sound
That is how I feel and so I tell

The future seems bright for all of thee
But all I wish is that we can get back together
Someday not so far as the blue yonder seems
Fighting over petty things like who’s gonna drive
Or if festivals have a meaning back home in India
Laughing together at each others weak points
Making ourselves stronger as a whole.

Ppl I wish you all the best
Hope you shine as crazy as a diamond
Do your selves proud and as in ET’s last words
Beeee Goood and in mine keep in touch

The One eyed Pinata

2007-05-17T04:00:00.000-07:00

As he stood by the piñata
Not realizing it to be a target
A foolish boy of seven
Ignorous of the fact that
A blindfolded birthday rat
Approached him tither

A strike in the side of the head
Spelled doom to the little boy
For from that day on
He came to be known …as
The one eyed piñata

A lonely boy at fourteen
Did he pick up his first bow
Realizing a destiny
For he would now come to be known
As the greatest most accurate archer that lived
The one eyed piñata

The king soon heard of his prowess
The one eyed piñata’s fame had spread
Summoned him soon to his court
And ordered him to join his special aide
With his new and shiny title
The one eyed assasin

Wise men said it had been a boon that
The little boy years ago
Had traded an eye for his heightened sense of accuracy
But to him twas still a burden
For he did not like killing
The innocent for the black king

As he journeyed through the forest
In search of a one eyed monster
That the king had heard of
And demanded for his amusement
He came upon a stream as beautiful as could be

By the banks he sat to ponder
Why was he not brave enough to end it all
Was he scared of the almighty
Or was this really his destiny
All the bloodshed and apparent sycophancy that is

That was when he saw
A beautiful girl with a pot
Little did he realize
Her half burnt face had made her an outcast
For all that his one good eye could see
Was the half that was not

He was instantly in love
But having no confidence in himself
He started to slither away
Hoping not to be heard or seen
When he heard her cry out thee

He could not stand the tears pour down her cheeks
He leapt up and went to thee
Why do you cry oh fair maiden
Let the one eyed assassin solve thy problem

She looked at him in awe
And said meekly.. it is you that makes me cry
The way you slithered upon gazing my ugly face
I have borne such a fate since that fateful day
When in saving my little sister from a fire
Did my face did my face..

And thus breaking down
To much the amazement of the one eyed assassin
Did she start crying again
The assassin twisted his head all the way
Even then all he could see was traces of what she talked of
He told her so through his heart
Making her happy as a tot

It was then he relised
Destiny and fate had played no trick upon him
Here he had come across
A tortured soul as himself
But in each other they could find a happiness
That not could be found in the house
Of the greatest kings and queens

Diarios de Bicycleta..

2007-04-29T19:18:00.000-07:00

Stuck in an office in front of my laptop for hours together suffocation was a given. I had a getaway planned. Stealing Su’s bike for the day seemed now to be a brilliant master plan. Something V said earlier in the day made me want to bike along the Mississippi. So I took (not to be confused with the clan of hobbits) the cycle and headed out on the biking trail. It’s been ages since I biked to be precise not since high school. As I went down a slope I remembered the child in me feeling thrilled as the air caressed my face and gave me such pleasure that has been missing from my mundane life. I remembered the promise I had made to myself looking at adults all around years ago that I would never grow up. Never be responsible ever! But the last two years have seen those promises forgotten and put me in situations which have forced me to grow up and not remember any of those promises of what I wanted from life. I did not even realize that I had grown up till that air talked sense into me.

Going back a long way I remember now how I learnt to cycle. My dad did not have the time to teach me and since we lived in apartment complexes in the heart of cities throughout my childhood getting a cycle had the same chances as Morarji Desai getting up in the morning and forgetting to drink his pee. So during my summer vacations when we migrated south to visit my grandparents I convinced my grandpa to rent me a bike and get one of his “fans” to teach me to bike. Four days of efforts bore fruit and I was able to bike the year I went into my fourth grade. It wasn’t till my dad got a job in Coimbatore that I got my first bike- a Hercules MTB. Coimbatore wasn’t a very metropolitan hugely populated city and for the first time we were in an independent house. I took great care of it and formed my own biking gang that terrorized the streets of Coimatore- the 7th grade punks. The year I went into my 8th grade did not start that well. My bike got stolen when I was “holidaying” in Puddukottai with my grandparents. I had to walk to school to my horror (it took me 5 whole minutes instead of 2…a kid can take only that much!). I started pestering my dad to get me another cycle. The rage was the Hercules ( don’t remember the name but it had shock absorbers in the front and on the back) that was priced at 2000 buckaroos. I started,subtly, brainwashing my dad into buying that for me. My dad had just been laid of then and I used to find my mom crying a lot everyday when I got back home in the “Swamyroom..( I seriously thought my dad was terminally ill or something.. Moms!!). And for the first time in my life that I can remember I found dad traveling by bus. Things were looking bleak. But all that was on my mind was the cycle. Somehow I did not get the gravity of the situation and was secure that mom and dad will take care of things (other than my moms unexplained crying they never let me feel something was amiss.. Parents!!). Anyways after two months of pestering I got to go to the street of cycle shops (this place is famous in Coimbatore.. my memory of names ….)
And I compromised on the Hercules Rockshox ( with the shock absorbers only in the front !!) and I cycled back on it 5 miles to save on the costs of the autorickshaw. She was my partner in crime for the next five years.

We moved to Chennai later that year with my dad back in business after 6 months and here I found a new partner in crime both for me and my cycle. Ant and I started a friendship that has I do not have words for. Looking back at the start of this friendship I remember a quirky thing- we played cricket in my backyard and I was in a lunghi..:D. Through the summer months ( all ppl from Chennai- I refer to the months of may june and july!.. Others who might be confused Chennai has four seasons like any other place- summer summer summer and summer) we would cycle everywhere. We also made big plans to cycle 20 miles to Mahabalipuram on a “foggy” ”smoggy” bhogi morning but had to cancel because of others ditching in the last moment..(my first experience at being ditched after a lot of planning..;) ). When I went into the 11th grade I got busy with my IIT preps and fergot about my cycle. One day when I got home I saw that the cycle was missing. I ran up to my mom saying its happened again my cycle has been stolen again! My mom goes – don’t be silly who would steal the piece of junk .. we sold it of to the “raddiwala” months ago. I hadn’t even noticed. I hadn’t bade my goodbyes. I hadn’t kissed her on the handlebar and bid farewell to my closest aid. I was so angry with my parents that they hadn’t consulted me on this .. since then I havn’t really cycled bearing the odd circumstance here and there.

All those things came back to me today as I went round on Su’s bike ( hell probably say theres something “smelly” bout this…;)].. reading famous fives a long time ago I decided that I would cycle the country side and eat ice-cream at the local village store and true to my dream I finished up with a “legendary” chocolate shake at Ben and jerry’s.. siggggggh.. life is so complicated now that I did not want to ( I stopped in between and lay on the grass by the Mississippi) get up at all .. all I wanted to do was to stare up above the sky so high and look at the passing clouds in solitude..

On request.................... The Zany adventures of agent Su and Agent P .. not the pink bunny .. su and Prrrr and other stories

2007-04-23T19:37:00.000-07:00

Cigarettes are an important part of a wonderful Friday night Agent S. Get them before you are too sloshed to make sure your credit card gets back into your wallet and wallet into the back pocket.

In a cigarette shop- some Marlboro lites please .. some guy- hey you guys should be ashamed of yourselves.. have you guys never seen cigarette lighters before .. is this the first time.. not yet drunk to pick up a fight so a lame polite smile get the bill and continue into the moonlit night.

On the street- oh bald one- hey you guys from India??
Agents-Yup. Oh.b..one- we were just having a laugh that you guys must be from wipro or tata..agents – hhahhahahhahahaha.. no we goto the u here.. Oh.b..one- cool we actually work for a firm from noida.. have fun guys..

The Brits are coming- a chick chik here and a chik chik there .. get some beer.. try kruggers.. effevtive strategy—drink a pint of beer like a shot.. collars are up now because that’s where the microphone is hidden.. contacting mother ship Agent S and Agent P have reached the target .. mission plan confirmed.

Get to an Irish place down the same street., mother ship confirming mission for the second time- get the gold from a lepricorn.. from under the rainbow. Get some Irish beer which helps us agents whose blood have nanobots locate the gold. Intuition skills upto brilliant levels. Oh Flaming red hair- get us our medicine.. a tryst is planned for my blood and his ever changing lover of different forms Alcohol.. Flaming red hair obliges quickly

Jackass gives us his first appearance—hey u fukun Indians hows it gng??.. bet uve got a comb in your back pocket .. huuuuuuuuuuuh.. Agent P – sure also have a handkerchief in my front pocket to wipe my sweat from my fore head.. wink wink at some blonde chik..
Jack ass will make an appeaeance later on as he moves to table of chiks..

Agent P- Agent S what are thou.. Agent S- I am what I am.. A robot.. Agent P- It is said that robots such as yourself have their genitals in their wrists..
Agent S- It is forbidden to hold hands in public where I come from.. (a sad look encompasses his bot features).. Agent P- Irony would be a really well structured girl bot made to seduce us human agents and all you have to do is hold hands..sigggghhhhhhhhh…

Nanobots upto full charge .. Jackass is back.. after a tryst with Agent S which has not been revealed for both agents get free shots brought up again by Oh Flaming red hair..The gold is now in sight being protected by green jacketed Irish leprecauns..
Mothership- situation assesses pull out of there We repeat pull out of there..

“He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day”

VTech..

2007-04-20T00:07:00.000-07:00

I am sure people have had enough views on what happened in Vtech and so I m not going to dwell on what or why but say I was truly shocked and found myself feeling really sad at what happened. It was one time that I am happy that I do not have easy access to a television set and am not being tormented by stupid news channels like FOX and CNN adding to good material for the Daily Show! I have been following the story though through the net mainly the BBC website. I came across this blog on the website from the editors and found it really interesting. I thought it was real nice to see that they were facing a moral quandary about featuring the “NBC videos” and felt a responsibility to share their thoughts on the whole scenario..

http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/theeditors/2007/04/why_we_showed_gunman_video.html

The Magic Faraway Tree

2007-04-13T19:50:00.000-07:00

My mom instilled in me the passion for reading books. Through my formative years she read umpteen number of books starting from the book of magical tales, Tintin, Asterix, and Enid Blytons galore( Noddy, the wishing chair, Mr.Twiddle…). When I was in the second grade I took a brave step into the reading world be reading the second book in the faraway tree series by Enid Blyton- Folk of the faraway tree. It took me two whole days to read the book and my mom applauded me for the effort. This is what started off a beautiful relationship between me and books. The best retreat from the mundane world. I went the cycle- the famous five, the hardy boys ( being a boy keeping away from nancy Drew!!..:D), Alistair mclean.. and then Crichton. I read “Disclosure” by Crichton when I was in the ninth grade. My brother tattled on me telling my parents its was an adult book not for me. My dad came up to me that night and said-“disclosure eh.. did you know the movie had Michael Douglous…( a pause).. and Demi Moore in it?” I just blinked and said no. He then said.. “ Enjoy the book” and gave me a fatherly smile. I never felt that elated in my life having snubbed my lovin bro in an unobvious way. Thinking back my parents helped me in a big way to form my own opinions and did not thrust theirs or what others thought onto me.

Recently I found out that there was a fourth book in the Faraway tree series and was trying to buy it on Amazon. I couldn’t find one copy but I did find the faraway tree stories with different titles. So I looked it up on Wiki. Apparently the moral policemen and women felt that Enid Blyton made several sexist and racist undertones to her stories! She had her characters named “DICK”! so they changed the name of characters and cut out many a chapter such as the one with Dame Slap.. ( for those of u who havnt read .. she is a character who spanks naughty children)!! What a load of crap. Being an adult you find any undertone you want in the simplest of sentences. Its like joey can sordidly comment on a sandwich on Friends!

When I read the books as a child it propelled my imagination and helped me do things a kid can do in a calvin way not in a “pornographic” way. Enid blyton in my opinion is as good as Tolkien and Rowling if not better and wrote childrens books not adult pornographic material. There are a lot of things that kids of today are exposed to with the media rampage that is.. but Blyton is not one of them. Books are a way of having some clean fun that takes you to a different world and tests your power of imagination that the idiot box could never do.

The roach strikes again

2007-03-29T17:25:00.000-07:00

The roaches had a son that I did not know of
Harboured in the same place that I talked of
For those of you who did not know
It’s a special place that I know of
A special place that takes and takes
And hopefully doesn’t give back any time soon
It’s a place that I pee into

Twas only an egg when its parents were poisoned to death
Its birth a miracle in itself
It grew up to be a big fan of Sherlock and batman
It also grew up to be a man that desired revenge

Its detective abilities grew too soon
Figuring out twas a roach on the hunt
On the hunt for a murderer
On the hunt for a person it did not know of
On the hunt for an insensitive human
Who did not understand that a million years from now?
All that would survive a nuclear war
Are thousands of its descendants!

I had a lot of rum and coke that night
The rum extremely fine
But the coke as poisonous and cancerous as ever
Got back home late at night
As usual alone and making sure my other sloshed friends
Got back home too

The coke seeped through my kidney
Harming a lot of organs along the way
Found its way into my bladder
Filling up all the way

The roach lay waiting to ask a simple question
Why? why? why?
Why cant humans live in peace and harmony
Why can’t human learn to live in harmony with their surroundings
Why did I murder his innocent parents?
A lot of questions for a little roach brain

The ability to aim lost
Since I was sloshed
The toxic coke laid rum and water
Some percentage of salt as well
Splurged all over the bathroom
Everywhere but the place that takes it all

In the morning I found a dead roach in my bathroom….

inadequate speech bluh...

2007-03-27T03:33:00.001-07:00

It wasn’t so long ago that I was in school. Back then I used to be a chatterbox according to the most polite teachers who did not want to scare my mom too much. I mean I could talk about anything and everything. Like any other city bred kid cable tv, fiction novels and comic books contributed big time to my imagination. I did not worry about what I said what my best buds and me talked about. I did not have to be politically correct becos most of the times such topics were never touched upon.

But since then I have been through 4 years of engineering school and now grad school. The four years of engineering school passed in a haze I must say. No I wasn’t a drug addict or anything. I just thought that I wasn’t in the best engineering school and having missed out on going to any one of the iits (was a big deal to me bak then) I sulked my way at some level through four years connecting closely to very few people through those years.

Somewhere between school and now I lost my eloquence and became a moody person. I never saw myself as that. Now I find myself thinking about what to say in many situations going over it before the words come out through my mouth phonetically that is. Many a time I have blurted out the totally politically incorrect thing getting myself into awkward situations. And then there are times when I am just not in a mood to talk and someone comes up and talks to me and I find myself talking the dumbest phrases and not being able to defend my point of view from an intellectual stand point. I then there are times when I just go bluh blugh bluum and ppl are just looking at me thinking this guy sure is a weirdo.

At times a shodow of the eloquence that once was does creep through charming some unknown stranger but most of the time I seem to be going more so into a world of my own. I have a feeling I have become too introspective worrying too much about what I do and how it affects ppl around me and then there is the depressing world that I often like to put myself in. I have no idea how things are going to turn out.. and how I am going to win back my lost eloquence which is probably related to lost innocence….

Trained like a DOG

2007-03-20T22:14:00.000-07:00

Now I mean no offence for the dog or its species. You know how dogs cats or any domestic member of the animal species can be trained to respond to certain events such as eating at a particular time and so on so forth.. well I was wondering the same of humans. We react in so many situations in such a trained fashion and we don’t even know that we have been trained!

Consider this—I travel by bus a lot and have a university bus pass. Everyday when I get into the bus I pass my bus pass though a reader. Having done this for months I do this as a completely trained response without even thinking about it. Once when I got into the bus the machine wasn’t working and the driver had his hand over the slot so that I wouldn’t use it. Even though my brain registered this and heard the driver say just go in my hands were at a loss trying to get to the reader irrespective of all that was going on around this. The driver stared at me and finally feeling really stupid I went to the back of the bus to sulk at my idiocy. But then I noticed everybody who got onto the bus that day, reacted similarly walking back with the same smug expression on their face.

Then on St Patrick’s Day which was Saturday bus travel was free. So they had a cover over the reader with a sign that said..”Free”. I got into the bus and my hands were at a total loss looking for a slot somewhere where I could insert my bus pass! My brain kept telling me “Dumbo just get in and don’t block the way” but my body would just not respond! Again feeling really stupid started finally walking to the back of the bus.

This got me thinking that there are so many situations that we respond in such a trained manner from reactions that we assimilate through life. That scares me so much that half the time I don’t even think about what I am doing and what impact it might have.

Myriads of Meloncholy

2007-03-12T20:50:00.000-07:00

Myriads of Melancholy

Depression seems to be an integral part of life. Movies they say reflect upon the society that makes them. Look at the most critically acclaimed movies that are nominated for the Oscars for example.. if there aint some depressing moments they will not be nominated for the Oscars let alone have a chance at winning. It is the same of all awards. Why am talking about all this? Well it relates to two facts- one I am feeling depressed at the moment and the movies that I have been seeing recently- highly critically acclaimed movies don’t help the cause at all. Depression to me somehow inter-tangles with the want for some sort of a release from our cares and one of the easy ways out seems to point to drug addiction.

Two movies that have gotten me thinking on the throes of drug addiction -Trainspottingg and Requiem for a dream. Both movies are highly influencing in the way they have been made. I was talking to a friend of mine( Su) about “requiem” and he said to enjoy the movie for what it is u either need to be an addict or known someone close to u who was lost to addiction. Somehow I couldn’t agree with him at all. To me the best movies that I have watched are those that make me feel one with the main protagonist even though I might not be in the same situation. And I could do that with this movie.

The movie talks about the life of four ppl and outlines their degradation to drugs through a connection to seasons- summer fall.. and so on. I kept watching the movie waiting for “spring” and to feel happy tht there is hope. But it was not to be so. The film ended with the cold winter and no hope. I guess that’s what happens in life. Trainspotting is kind of a similar story of a group of frnds who fall to drug addiction but then the basis of the story is not the drug addiction. The ending was nice happy secure for me.. I dot know what other people feel but to me I need this .. why would I want “movie” to end the same way that I see so many depressing stories end in real life!.. a movie is what I see to escape from real life.. the thing tht keeps kicking you in the ass..no matter how springy u get urself to feel.

The want for the season of spring is what keeps me going keeps me motivated and if that is taken away from me I don’t see what else would keep me going……..

Subliminal Brainwashing

2007-03-07T19:44:00.000-08:00

Something that I have been thinking about for quite sometime now in the way the news media sinks to new lows on a daily basis. I have always thought the media are more interested in gore, sex and ratings rather than looking at events from a neutral point of view. They do not seem to take any responsibility to the fact that they are influencing opinions of millions of people and biasing their thoughts in such convoluted fashion that the truth has no value anymore. And the people don’t seem to care less to the idiocy that they are being subjected to.. they are willing to take the media at its face value.

I read a book a couple of year’s back.-“Vernon God Little”. When I read the reviews of the book I must say I was quite put off and was contemplating even skipping this supposedly dark gross book. I had bought the book though and decided might as well give it a chance. It was something I had never expected it to be – in my opinion “Charming”. It talked of a lot of issues that I had been thinking about put things in perspective and had an ending that I admire and -call me conventional- that can be termed “happy”! It showed to what depths the media could sink to- not very far from a true scenario- it talked abut all those dirty issues we like to brush below the carpet not address in front of others and seem to want to completely ignore. There are people who get off from seeing “amputees”.. there are perverts who abuse young ones.. they are all a part of the modern society. They seem to exist everywhere. Of course back home (in India) people seem to come up with an argument that these are just problems of the west and are non existent in the “Sacred” east. I say bull. Just look at our news channels ad the war of the media for ratings that has been going on for the last 10 years. Just look at all the stories of child abuse that come out on a daily basis and then there was the gore of the serial killers- it seems like a bad typical American movie from the eighties. We seem to no better and the news media as bad.. just trying to pep up non issues in order to get more advertising space. The book I love- because it gave me hope that however perverse our civilization might become there is still some innocence left and in the long run some good is retained in all people.

Another influencer for me was this documentary by Michael Moore “Bowling for columbine “. It had this cartoon about one of the reasons behind the gun culture here in the states. All you need to do is switch on any news channel at primetime and all you will hear and see are car chases people being killed shootouts and what not. It is a theory that the average person gets psyched by all the violence and needs some sort of a cure for his fears and here in the states the answer is seen as owning a weapon of sorts. It makes sense once you think about it. I grew up in big cities back home and consider myself lucky in the sense that I have been exposed to freedom of thought a lot more than most people. Of late I hear a lot of these stories of young women being raped and most of the cases that are publicized seem to point towards these big cities. There is a strong school of thought that these women that get raped are to blame themselves because they flaunt and go out at night after 10 and some pity for the actual “raper” so to say- what non-sense! And the news channels make a mockery of these cases by reporting some of the high profile cases through the day trying to interview the family of the victims the victim herself and torturing them more and of course this helps improve ratings! A lot of the cases of crime that comes out in the city involve kids in 10th 11th and 12th grade who in my opinion are extremely influenced by the media! It might not be gun culture that is promoted in countries outside the states but the problem is as deep rooted as it is here.
On the one hand I thought that “Bowling for columbine” was a “commercial“ documentary so to say but the issues that it raises are extremely valid though only one side of things is presented in it and I must say it influences your thinking towards one side rather than provoking a neutral thought process. But it did get me thinking and that’s why I liked it so to speak.

The modern society seems to be degrading on constant timeline and things that would shock my mom seem to have become a normal scenario for me.. and sometimes I worry where this is all taking me .. but I would like to believe that there is still some integrity left in all of us that comes out in times of adversity in a way that is shown in a movie that I watched recently- “Crash”……

Theories of an Unwanted Dangerous Mind

2007-02-23T11:59:00.000-08:00

Why does man consider stealing an unpardonable sin? It’s a question that has stared at me for years together. I want share a story that has spanned decades which has caused me to constantly revaluate what values mean to me.

Some thing to think about before I start boring you with a personal account- “Spare the rod Spoil the child” or something like that I think.. I remember from the time as a kid my grandfather used to sit down for an hour every night and go through his finances and try to balance them to, I am not kidding, to a single paisa. He would not sleep till every naya paisa was accounted for. Every body would make fun of him for this queer habit which he would join in -good heartedly. He would say that it was a habit instilled in him by his grandfather who thought his father was a frivolous spendthrift and did not want his grandsons to be the same. He said it taught him the value of money and in no way made him a miser!

My parents on the other hand never kept track of the money they were spending. They did not even know how much currency they had in their purse, a fact that I took advantage of for a long time. My family is a typical patriarchal family where my dad is the breadwinner. My mom had no idea where my dad kept money and was to lazy to go to the bank and withdraw some. She would ask my dad every time she needed money and did not even know where he kept it which again I took advantage of.

If there is anything that I have an unavoidable craving for it is chocolates. And my parents being good parents would never give into my daily tantrums of wanting chocolates. So after a point I think when I was in third grade I started taking matters into my own hands. I would just take money in small amounts from my mom and dads purse and get myself chocolates whenever I wanted. I was smart enough not to do it too often a I somehow knew they would find out. I have now idea how I had the guile and criminal mind( an example of which would be my first escapade of smoking- I stole a cigarette from my dads pack and plotted smoking it in a bathroom.i somehow knew that my parents would find out I had smoked so I chose a bathroom whose exhaust opened into an elevator shaft!. I smoked the cigarette into the shaft and washed my mouth with toothpaste so that I would not be caught and I wasn’t and all this in fourth grade) make sure I was never caught. I even discovered my dads “money hiding” safe place – his shirt pocket in a shirt hanging in his cupboard. By the time I was in sixth standard I was taking money to buy comic books as well. If my mom would ask where did I get the comic book I would say return gift at a friends bday prty. My lying had also become spontaneous and a part of life!

I was never caught! I would like to say that then some life changing incident occurred that changed me for life ( background score- insomnia??).. but no. When I got to seventh grade I just stopped doing it. I don’t know why? I just felt it was wrong. I still don’t have any idea what caused that change. And by the time I got to 10th grade I had stopped lying as well. I realized if I told the truth my parents would just accept it. For some reason they thought I was responsible and would never doubt my decisions- be it a small issue or something more important. Again I have no idea why?

I turned out ok as a human being and years later when I was in college I confessed to my mother in a lighter moment that I used to steal money from her purse and bought chocolates.. she just laughed it off. I think of how would have my life changed if I had been caught at a young age? There would have most certainly been a big scolding and probably my parents would have most certainly never trusted me.. or would they have?.. I have no idea. But to think back my own opinion is that if I had been caught I most certainly wouldn’t have grown up to be the confident individual that I think that I am and have such a wonderful relationship with my parents with the amount of freedom that they gave me. Of course I can never say how things would have turned out.. but it turned out fine in the case where the rod was spared.

The Cockroach song

2007-02-17T13:08:00.000-08:00

I have a pet cockroach in my bathroom

It lives in a place I pee into

It comes out every night

Plays in fuckin delite

I … dunno what I am gonna do

I have a pet cockroach in my bathroom

It has a girlfriend too

They come out every nite

Play in fukin delite

I… dunno what I am gonna do

I have a pet cockroach in my bathroom

I have some baygon too

I sprayed over the little bastard

As it played in fukin delite

Now I have nothing else to dooooo

The inner musings of an external peripheral thought

2007-02-17T13:07:00.000-08:00

The best way to waste time? Start musing..

Today I wus wondering what would happen if I changed each decision I made in each minute of my life.. each decision that I take always has an alternate. What would happen in such a scenario? Would I still be at the same place that I am now in front of my laptop musing or to the contrary would I be in space looking down upon ppl wondering the same. At some point in life everybody wonders about destiny and what role it plays in life and those who say that they do not believe in destiny and have never pondered thee are pure and outright liars!

The other day lit up a cigarette after a long hiatus. I smoked it as I walked home in the cold night.. really cold night. Igot thru the whole cigarette and then wus cursing myself the whole night as to y I needed that cigarette. The nxt day as I walked home on again really really cold night I lit up again. By the time I got thru half the cigarette something inside wus telling me to throw the cig away but then apparently my mind said y waste the money spent on the god dammed malboro lite huh.. but the strong inner voice kept going throw it throw it away and half way thru it I threw it into the snow and watched it grow damp fade into the surrounding whiteness (at this point I would like to point out that I am no grammatical king..).. and then wondered how different would my life have been if I had gotten through the whole cigarette. They say that each cigarette u smlke takes 5 minutes off of ur life.. what would would I have done with this extra 2 nd a haf minutes that I have granted myself????????? The pervert inside me ansers the obvious anser being “procreation” but that inner voice doesn’t agree.. its an open ended question .. now this is what I call wasting time.. have I gotten u thinking on the subject???..