It wasn’t so long ago that I was in school. Back then I used to be a chatterbox according to the most polite teachers who did not want to scare my mom too much. I mean I could talk about anything and everything. Like any other city bred kid cable tv, fiction novels and comic books contributed big time to my imagination. I did not worry about what I said what my best buds and me talked about. I did not have to be politically correct becos most of the times such topics were never touched upon.
But since then I have been through 4 years of engineering school and now grad school. The four years of engineering school passed in a haze I must say. No I wasn’t a drug addict or anything. I just thought that I wasn’t in the best engineering school and having missed out on going to any one of the iits (was a big deal to me bak then) I sulked my way at some level through four years connecting closely to very few people through those years.
Somewhere between school and now I lost my eloquence and became a moody person. I never saw myself as that. Now I find myself thinking about what to say in many situations going over it before the words come out through my mouth phonetically that is. Many a time I have blurted out the totally politically incorrect thing getting myself into awkward situations. And then there are times when I am just not in a mood to talk and someone comes up and talks to me and I find myself talking the dumbest phrases and not being able to defend my point of view from an intellectual stand point. I then there are times when I just go bluh blugh bluum and ppl are just looking at me thinking this guy sure is a weirdo.
At times a shodow of the eloquence that once was does creep through charming some unknown stranger but most of the time I seem to be going more so into a world of my own. I have a feeling I have become too introspective worrying too much about what I do and how it affects ppl around me and then there is the depressing world that I often like to put myself in. I have no idea how things are going to turn out.. and how I am going to win back my lost eloquence which is probably related to lost innocence….
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
Funny thats happened to you. I strangely feel that I've become totally a different person that i was in 10th - perhaps IIT failure has its part too!
totally da machaan.. at that age that was a big dent to confidence levels..
u rnt the only one da.. but then everything has its own meaning.. but then i cant believe that u can actually be at a loss of words..
Everything about this piece spoke to me on a personal level.
So happy you continue to share your old pieces with me. They are comforting in an odd way.
Post a Comment