Diarios de Bicycleta..

Stuck in an office in front of my laptop for hours together suffocation was a given. I had a getaway planned. Stealing Su’s bike for the day seemed now to be a brilliant master plan. Something V said earlier in the day made me want to bike along the Mississippi. So I took (not to be confused with the clan of hobbits) the cycle and headed out on the biking trail. It’s been ages since I biked to be precise not since high school. As I went down a slope I remembered the child in me feeling thrilled as the air caressed my face and gave me such pleasure that has been missing from my mundane life. I remembered the promise I had made to myself looking at adults all around years ago that I would never grow up. Never be responsible ever! But the last two years have seen those promises forgotten and put me in situations which have forced me to grow up and not remember any of those promises of what I wanted from life. I did not even realize that I had grown up till that air talked sense into me.

Going back a long way I remember now how I learnt to cycle. My dad did not have the time to teach me and since we lived in apartment complexes in the heart of cities throughout my childhood getting a cycle had the same chances as Morarji Desai getting up in the morning and forgetting to drink his pee. So during my summer vacations when we migrated south to visit my grandparents I convinced my grandpa to rent me a bike and get one of his “fans” to teach me to bike. Four days of efforts bore fruit and I was able to bike the year I went into my fourth grade. It wasn’t till my dad got a job in Coimbatore that I got my first bike- a Hercules MTB. Coimbatore wasn’t a very metropolitan hugely populated city and for the first time we were in an independent house. I took great care of it and formed my own biking gang that terrorized the streets of Coimatore- the 7th grade punks. The year I went into my 8th grade did not start that well. My bike got stolen when I was “holidaying” in Puddukottai with my grandparents. I had to walk to school to my horror (it took me 5 whole minutes instead of 2…a kid can take only that much!). I started pestering my dad to get me another cycle. The rage was the Hercules ( don’t remember the name but it had shock absorbers in the front and on the back) that was priced at 2000 buckaroos. I started,subtly, brainwashing my dad into buying that for me. My dad had just been laid of then and I used to find my mom crying a lot everyday when I got back home in the “Swamyroom..( I seriously thought my dad was terminally ill or something.. Moms!!). And for the first time in my life that I can remember I found dad traveling by bus. Things were looking bleak. But all that was on my mind was the cycle. Somehow I did not get the gravity of the situation and was secure that mom and dad will take care of things (other than my moms unexplained crying they never let me feel something was amiss.. Parents!!). Anyways after two months of pestering I got to go to the street of cycle shops (this place is famous in Coimbatore.. my memory of names ….)
And I compromised on the Hercules Rockshox ( with the shock absorbers only in the front !!) and I cycled back on it 5 miles to save on the costs of the autorickshaw. She was my partner in crime for the next five years.

We moved to Chennai later that year with my dad back in business after 6 months and here I found a new partner in crime both for me and my cycle. Ant and I started a friendship that has I do not have words for. Looking back at the start of this friendship I remember a quirky thing- we played cricket in my backyard and I was in a lunghi..:D. Through the summer months ( all ppl from Chennai- I refer to the months of may june and july!.. Others who might be confused Chennai has four seasons like any other place- summer summer summer and summer) we would cycle everywhere. We also made big plans to cycle 20 miles to Mahabalipuram on a “foggy” ”smoggy” bhogi morning but had to cancel because of others ditching in the last moment..(my first experience at being ditched after a lot of planning..;) ). When I went into the 11th grade I got busy with my IIT preps and fergot about my cycle. One day when I got home I saw that the cycle was missing. I ran up to my mom saying its happened again my cycle has been stolen again! My mom goes – don’t be silly who would steal the piece of junk .. we sold it of to the “raddiwala” months ago. I hadn’t even noticed. I hadn’t bade my goodbyes. I hadn’t kissed her on the handlebar and bid farewell to my closest aid. I was so angry with my parents that they hadn’t consulted me on this .. since then I havn’t really cycled bearing the odd circumstance here and there.

All those things came back to me today as I went round on Su’s bike ( hell probably say theres something “smelly” bout this…;)].. reading famous fives a long time ago I decided that I would cycle the country side and eat ice-cream at the local village store and true to my dream I finished up with a “legendary” chocolate shake at Ben and jerry’s.. siggggggh.. life is so complicated now that I did not want to ( I stopped in between and lay on the grass by the Mississippi) get up at all .. all I wanted to do was to stare up above the sky so high and look at the passing clouds in solitude..

On request.................... The Zany adventures of agent Su and Agent P .. not the pink bunny .. su and Prrrr and other stories

Cigarettes are an important part of a wonderful Friday night Agent S. Get them before you are too sloshed to make sure your credit card gets back into your wallet and wallet into the back pocket.

In a cigarette shop- some Marlboro lites please .. some guy- hey you guys should be ashamed of yourselves.. have you guys never seen cigarette lighters before .. is this the first time.. not yet drunk to pick up a fight so a lame polite smile get the bill and continue into the moonlit night.

On the street- oh bald one- hey you guys from India??
Agents-Yup. Oh.b..one- we were just having a laugh that you guys must be from wipro or tata..agents – hhahhahahhahahaha.. no we goto the u here.. Oh.b..one- cool we actually work for a firm from noida.. have fun guys..

The Brits are coming- a chick chik here and a chik chik there .. get some beer.. try kruggers.. effevtive strategy—drink a pint of beer like a shot.. collars are up now because that’s where the microphone is hidden.. contacting mother ship Agent S and Agent P have reached the target .. mission plan confirmed.

Get to an Irish place down the same street., mother ship confirming mission for the second time- get the gold from a lepricorn.. from under the rainbow. Get some Irish beer which helps us agents whose blood have nanobots locate the gold. Intuition skills upto brilliant levels. Oh Flaming red hair- get us our medicine.. a tryst is planned for my blood and his ever changing lover of different forms Alcohol.. Flaming red hair obliges quickly

Jackass gives us his first appearance—hey u fukun Indians hows it gng??.. bet uve got a comb in your back pocket .. huuuuuuuuuuuh.. Agent P – sure also have a handkerchief in my front pocket to wipe my sweat from my fore head.. wink wink at some blonde chik..
Jack ass will make an appeaeance later on as he moves to table of chiks..

Agent P- Agent S what are thou.. Agent S- I am what I am.. A robot.. Agent P- It is said that robots such as yourself have their genitals in their wrists..
Agent S- It is forbidden to hold hands in public where I come from.. (a sad look encompasses his bot features).. Agent P- Irony would be a really well structured girl bot made to seduce us human agents and all you have to do is hold hands..sigggghhhhhhhhh…

Nanobots upto full charge .. Jackass is back.. after a tryst with Agent S which has not been revealed for both agents get free shots brought up again by Oh Flaming red hair..The gold is now in sight being protected by green jacketed Irish leprecauns..
Mothership- situation assesses pull out of there We repeat pull out of there..

“He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day”

VTech..

I am sure people have had enough views on what happened in Vtech and so I m not going to dwell on what or why but say I was truly shocked and found myself feeling really sad at what happened. It was one time that I am happy that I do not have easy access to a television set and am not being tormented by stupid news channels like FOX and CNN adding to good material for the Daily Show! I have been following the story though through the net mainly the BBC website. I came across this blog on the website from the editors and found it really interesting. I thought it was real nice to see that they were facing a moral quandary about featuring the “NBC videos” and felt a responsibility to share their thoughts on the whole scenario..

http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/theeditors/2007/04/why_we_showed_gunman_video.html

The Magic Faraway Tree

My mom instilled in me the passion for reading books. Through my formative years she read umpteen number of books starting from the book of magical tales, Tintin, Asterix, and Enid Blytons galore( Noddy, the wishing chair, Mr.Twiddle…). When I was in the second grade I took a brave step into the reading world be reading the second book in the faraway tree series by Enid Blyton- Folk of the faraway tree. It took me two whole days to read the book and my mom applauded me for the effort. This is what started off a beautiful relationship between me and books. The best retreat from the mundane world. I went the cycle- the famous five, the hardy boys ( being a boy keeping away from nancy Drew!!..:D), Alistair mclean.. and then Crichton. I read “Disclosure” by Crichton when I was in the ninth grade. My brother tattled on me telling my parents its was an adult book not for me. My dad came up to me that night and said-“disclosure eh.. did you know the movie had Michael Douglous…( a pause).. and Demi Moore in it?” I just blinked and said no. He then said.. “ Enjoy the book” and gave me a fatherly smile. I never felt that elated in my life having snubbed my lovin bro in an unobvious way. Thinking back my parents helped me in a big way to form my own opinions and did not thrust theirs or what others thought onto me.

Recently I found out that there was a fourth book in the Faraway tree series and was trying to buy it on Amazon. I couldn’t find one copy but I did find the faraway tree stories with different titles. So I looked it up on Wiki. Apparently the moral policemen and women felt that Enid Blyton made several sexist and racist undertones to her stories! She had her characters named “DICK”! so they changed the name of characters and cut out many a chapter such as the one with Dame Slap.. ( for those of u who havnt read .. she is a character who spanks naughty children)!! What a load of crap. Being an adult you find any undertone you want in the simplest of sentences. Its like joey can sordidly comment on a sandwich on Friends!

When I read the books as a child it propelled my imagination and helped me do things a kid can do in a calvin way not in a “pornographic” way. Enid blyton in my opinion is as good as Tolkien and Rowling if not better and wrote childrens books not adult pornographic material. There are a lot of things that kids of today are exposed to with the media rampage that is.. but Blyton is not one of them. Books are a way of having some clean fun that takes you to a different world and tests your power of imagination that the idiot box could never do.

The roach strikes again

The roaches had a son that I did not know of
Harboured in the same place that I talked of
For those of you who did not know
It’s a special place that I know of
A special place that takes and takes
And hopefully doesn’t give back any time soon
It’s a place that I pee into

Twas only an egg when its parents were poisoned to death
Its birth a miracle in itself
It grew up to be a big fan of Sherlock and batman
It also grew up to be a man that desired revenge

Its detective abilities grew too soon
Figuring out twas a roach on the hunt
On the hunt for a murderer
On the hunt for a person it did not know of
On the hunt for an insensitive human
Who did not understand that a million years from now?
All that would survive a nuclear war
Are thousands of its descendants!

I had a lot of rum and coke that night
The rum extremely fine
But the coke as poisonous and cancerous as ever
Got back home late at night
As usual alone and making sure my other sloshed friends
Got back home too

The coke seeped through my kidney
Harming a lot of organs along the way
Found its way into my bladder
Filling up all the way

The roach lay waiting to ask a simple question
Why? why? why?
Why cant humans live in peace and harmony
Why can’t human learn to live in harmony with their surroundings
Why did I murder his innocent parents?
A lot of questions for a little roach brain

The ability to aim lost
Since I was sloshed
The toxic coke laid rum and water
Some percentage of salt as well
Splurged all over the bathroom
Everywhere but the place that takes it all

In the morning I found a dead roach in my bathroom….

inadequate speech bluh...

It wasn’t so long ago that I was in school. Back then I used to be a chatterbox according to the most polite teachers who did not want to scare my mom too much. I mean I could talk about anything and everything. Like any other city bred kid cable tv, fiction novels and comic books contributed big time to my imagination. I did not worry about what I said what my best buds and me talked about. I did not have to be politically correct becos most of the times such topics were never touched upon.

But since then I have been through 4 years of engineering school and now grad school. The four years of engineering school passed in a haze I must say. No I wasn’t a drug addict or anything. I just thought that I wasn’t in the best engineering school and having missed out on going to any one of the iits (was a big deal to me bak then) I sulked my way at some level through four years connecting closely to very few people through those years.

Somewhere between school and now I lost my eloquence and became a moody person. I never saw myself as that. Now I find myself thinking about what to say in many situations going over it before the words come out through my mouth phonetically that is. Many a time I have blurted out the totally politically incorrect thing getting myself into awkward situations. And then there are times when I am just not in a mood to talk and someone comes up and talks to me and I find myself talking the dumbest phrases and not being able to defend my point of view from an intellectual stand point. I then there are times when I just go bluh blugh bluum and ppl are just looking at me thinking this guy sure is a weirdo.

At times a shodow of the eloquence that once was does creep through charming some unknown stranger but most of the time I seem to be going more so into a world of my own. I have a feeling I have become too introspective worrying too much about what I do and how it affects ppl around me and then there is the depressing world that I often like to put myself in. I have no idea how things are going to turn out.. and how I am going to win back my lost eloquence which is probably related to lost innocence….

Trained like a DOG

Now I mean no offence for the dog or its species. You know how dogs cats or any domestic member of the animal species can be trained to respond to certain events such as eating at a particular time and so on so forth.. well I was wondering the same of humans. We react in so many situations in such a trained fashion and we don’t even know that we have been trained!

Consider this—I travel by bus a lot and have a university bus pass. Everyday when I get into the bus I pass my bus pass though a reader. Having done this for months I do this as a completely trained response without even thinking about it. Once when I got into the bus the machine wasn’t working and the driver had his hand over the slot so that I wouldn’t use it. Even though my brain registered this and heard the driver say just go in my hands were at a loss trying to get to the reader irrespective of all that was going on around this. The driver stared at me and finally feeling really stupid I went to the back of the bus to sulk at my idiocy. But then I noticed everybody who got onto the bus that day, reacted similarly walking back with the same smug expression on their face.

Then on St Patrick’s Day which was Saturday bus travel was free. So they had a cover over the reader with a sign that said..”Free”. I got into the bus and my hands were at a total loss looking for a slot somewhere where I could insert my bus pass! My brain kept telling me “Dumbo just get in and don’t block the way” but my body would just not respond! Again feeling really stupid started finally walking to the back of the bus.

This got me thinking that there are so many situations that we respond in such a trained manner from reactions that we assimilate through life. That scares me so much that half the time I don’t even think about what I am doing and what impact it might have.