Kung Fu Jack Ass vs The giANT

 Superman Batman Iron Man
They all had glorious fame
That did not bother
The one introvert hero
That no one had heard of
For he was fine in that
unknown farmers backyard
Being a normal Jack Ass
As any other day

But then was heard a sound
Like that of a super nova
And Jack Ass’s ears perked up
And he sighed for
The world needed him again
In a jiffy with ass lotion
Did he become
Kung Fu Jackass for the day again

This time the nemesis was not many
But one adversary who
Only wanted to draw out
Kung Fu Jackass for
He wanted to end the reign
Of humanity as such
By watching they self-destruct
There he was invisible to the naked
Eye you pervert.. eye..
There he was the evil Mr.Ant

Kung fu saw and laughed
By saying what ANTics have you
Been up to Mr.Ant?
The play of words was all
Kung Fu needed to keep
It fun and groovy y'all

The furious Mr.Ant said
You shall perish Kung Fu
For you do not know that
I have found the ANTidote
To counter your ass lotion
And to wipe away that smirk
Off your ugly face

HAHAHAHA he laughed and all
And asked the question
That had stumped the best
If you do not die today
Mr.Jackass "K" shall perish
In her own way light years away

Kung fu Smiled and said it was time
To duel Ant and asked
But then Mr.Ant K is 2000 light
Years away and every time
We travel through space
Time...
Goes backwards while the
Same on earth goes forward
So whatever you do
Everything has already happened
And then nothing has happened at all
So to say.

Mr.Ant stood there and watched
Stumped in his triumph..
For humanity did not stand a chance
and yet..
Kung Fu smiled and walked away
And that is how mon ami
Kung Fu saved our asses all
Over again.

A legend they say not known to anyone
every so again..

- A Filarial Special Pome

Kung FU Jack Ass - Goes Third

Burrrrppp did he and all raised

Their eye brows nastily

Little did he care for

All he thought of was..

Long and Far had he come

On the path untaken

Without anyone even knowing

The hero that he was

Rubbed the little elixir that was left

Of that he thought to be ass lotion

And sat on a rickety chair

To live out the days

With his farmer friend

That mortal Scientist

When..

A Cry he could hear

From outer space

Little did he understand

That sound does not

travel through space

Flew out did he

To meet yet another dooms day

Who you ask? Who else

But that inferior hero

That nobody knew off

Kung Fu Jackass was his name

Forget him not at least for

He was going to save

Our lame asses all over again

It was a trap to draw Mr.Jackass

 Zoom did he suddenly

Into a black hole and trapped

For Sound does not

Travel through space

But little did he know that

It did through time

Ass he accelerated through

The queen thought

She had won finally

For Kung FU would be

Thrown into a time

Where he ceased to exist

She would have her revenge

On her sister K

Who was imprisoned

For treason against the state

In jail she was

The king long gone

All alone

Kung fu did not think so

Turned on his ass did he

And that little elixir that he

Had rubbed turned to

A whole blob for time and space

Was collapsing which gave him

BOOOOM! Back was the famed

Flavour fart and he let one rip

That caused a ripple in

the expanses of Space and time

And there he was, Back in Beta K

Then new queen was appalled

Her plan had been thorned

Flee did she but where

In panic and all

But little chance did she stand

For she was up against that legend

Kung FU Jackass.

What ensued they say

Is legend till this day

K was freed and restored

 But all she pined for

Was her former nemesis

He looked at her once again

And with a smile once again

Flew into that doubles sun

To be sling shot back to

The oblivion of the unknown

-          A Filarial Special Pome

If you are interested here are the first two J

http://filarial.blogspot.in/2008/01/kung-fu-jack-ass-vs-roach-from-outer.html

http://filarial.blogspot.in/2014/03/kung-fu-jackass-again.html

The Court Jester

He stood there

Almost like at the

Eye of the battle

That raged

He laughed at

What was at Play

Seemingly a war

Between good

And evil between

Black and White

So to say

The black knight fought

With valor and sleaze

Mixed in divine portions

Against the white knight

Who though white

Was probably just

As Black in his attack

And as their blood mixed

From the blows, it turned grey

The Jester watched on

And knew that

There was no good

Or evil for it was

All in the mind

But who was to say

That it wasn’t real

For it was only the Jester

Who could laugh?

As the battle raged

- A Filarial Pome

Peking Yang - An Alternate telling

Chapter 1 - Origins

Gandhi had got us freedom in the summer of 1922. The non-cooperation movement had been a success. It had been a tenuous path that Gandhi had chosen and had turned the massacre at Jalianwala Bagh into a positive notion to rally the entire nation against the British. This had resulted in the independence with the first Prime Minister being Muhammad Ali Jinnah. Subash Chandra Bose a radical thinker in the roaring thirties along with his trusted advisor Sardar Vallabh Bhai Patel had led India into a new era by playing an important role in World War 2. The British Empire owed India 30 billion tonnes of gold by the end of the war. 

History was so intriguing. India has been in economic doldrums for the last 10 years. But the romantic in me thought of the golden age post world war two all the way to 1990 between which India grew into a super power. The cold war with China that defined world politics! And its inglorious end with World War 3! The Narasimha Rao / Manmohan Singh government could do little to stifle economic stagnation though India had obviously been on the winning side. Half of China became a part of India making India the biggest nation in the world that spread from Mongolia to the Kanyakumari while the other half was annexed by Germany. The annexation had not been a simple one. Rebel groups from East China have constantly worked at liberating the West Chinese Provinces. The bloodshed had not stopped and the internal war had now lasted for 20 odd years.

I don’t know why but I have always felt Indian though many around me are bitter about the annexation. I believe in India and am very much Indian. My father had roots that could be traced to the ancient Ming dynasty while my mum was a peasant woman of Kashmiri descent. If you did not know my name is Taiping Yang which means the Pacific.  I work at Infosys in the city if Shenzen. Narayana Murthy who founded the company just after the war ended, is said to have been an army infantryman who had stayed back in Shenzen post war and founded the News/ Media Empire of Infosys. It’s the kind of rags to riches story that inspires the youth that even in this economy it is possible for ideas to reap benefits if one has the passion and determination.

“Yo Tai stop day dreaming we got to move. News story breaking in the frontier town of Pok! The chopper is ready” yelled Macsan. I was her cameraman. And you don’t sit in lethargy when you hear her voice. I got into the chopper and as I did I got this strange smell. Something wasn’t right. I felt really uneasy. Kind of a premonition, I thought hard. The chopper lifted as I saw the fleeting figure of Macsan running on the tarmac and her shocked expression. I was confused and then I passed out.

I got up and found myself bound and blindfolded. I could feel and smell the damp floor. I heard a voice in the foreground and then I was shoved onto a chair. A whisper told me what to say and my blindfold was taken off. The Blinding light and I rambled, “ I am okay…. Disoriented… please give into their demands… whatever it is…” and then I was gagged again… time passed … I pissed in my pants… the stench… I blacked out.

I heard shelling. I heard bombs. I heard strange voices shout in fear. I blacked out again. When I got up I was alone. But my bonds were loose and I broke free. I grasped for air and looked around. I was in a strange cave and there were bodies around me. I started to run in the direction opposite to the blazing fire. I did not realize it then but I was running deeper into the mountain rather than out. I stopped to take a deep breath once I felt safer. It was really dark. I put my hand on the cold rock. I felt something trickle on to my fingers. It was a cockroach. I ate it. I was hungry.

I was totally lost in the unknown mountain and I kept walking deeper into it in the hope that I find an exit. And then I saw a light. I ran with joy thinking that I had finally reached sunlight. And I ran straight into a big opening and was surrounded by crystal that sparkled. In the centre was a strange vehicle and a being in a form I had never ever seen ever. I gasped. The being looked at me strangely and I felt a piercing pain and the last words I heard were, “You have finally reached your destiny child. Spread pacificity with what you will get.” I passed out.

I got up in an ambulance and when I gasped for air the male nurse told me to relax. I passed out again. I woke up in a hospital bed to the beautiful face of Macsan. She was looking very concerned and when I smiled she relaxed. I asked where was I and she said I was in a hospital in the frontier town of Pekren. Her face then grew dark. She looked at me with pity. I asked and she replied, “ Subramanian Iyer was released earlier today in a bid to free you. The black ops masterminded a plan such that he would die with the rebels and you would be freed. But everything went wrong. The rebels died alright but Subramanian Iyer escaped. No trace. And you were miraculously found in a field 20 kms away. The black Ops lead reported you to the government. The roumer is that you masterminded the whole thing such that Subramanian Iyer would escape. You of all the people , such a beautiful hearted person… you of all the people they would suspect… “ 

She was bitter.

I could not believe it. What was happening? I was an enemy of the state. I closed my eyes and then realized something with shock. I opened my eyes and I was in a field … I was able to tell Macsan from there to trust me and then I made sure she fainted with an injury to the back of her neck. I had a power I did not fully understand. I ran.

To Be continued. Filarial needs encouragement :D

Crazy Paranoid ideas.. :D

Ok.. so I am gonna try and present a paranoid idea.. lets see how this goes:

What if the earth and the solar system was designed to be a mighty prison and the concept of a conscience was created to stop someone from escaping this prison.. the greatest ever programming achievement ever!

Bday Post...

To sum up 25 years of blissful Ignorance:

Greed:
On the eve of a first Bday celebration at school a really young boy looks at a box full of chocolates and decides to tell mummy dearest,” Amma no one knows it’s my Bday tomorrow—I will just wear normal clothes- no need to celebrate and all ok??”

Smart:
On the way to Tirupathi sometime in the 90s—a govt vehicle overtakes our bus on the inside on a hairpin bend almost toppling everyone in it including a to be young perverted but right now innocent brain into oblivion. The bus stops sometime later a tea station where the car in question is spotted. Everyone except Appa rushes to the driver of the govt vehicle screaming. The govt driver says.” This govt vehicle – we can do anything we want...” and laughs wickedly. Even though young observations are made as to why a generally impatient dad when mummy is involved is so calm and collected and even smiles at the then young impressionable mind. As the bus rolls out – everybody still frustrated with the govt driver in question- one is surprised as everybody starts laughing out loud- the young impressionable mind looks up to dad to see him holding something up- the keys to the govt car in question!!
The Bihari brought up tam bram dad had flicked the keys from the car as others had chosen to confront the driver!

Sentiment:
Big bro having left the house – finally one comes to believe that the title of undisputed king will no longer be questioned—so the king decides to take the brand new indica out for a spin. As he picks up his friend the king reverses the car without as much as looking behind smiling in ignorant confidence—Bang! He backs straight into a bamboo stock albeit moronically placed in the middle of the road… though till today it is highly questionable as to whom the moron can be directed at… as the king drives back he has a hundred things running through his mind- “how can I make this a convincing lie??? ---that moronic auto driver banged the back of the car and ran away!! It’s got to work” The story is repeated over and over so that the king could almost convince himself that it was true…
Enter Dad after a stressful day... the king goes up to him nervously… for some reason he finds himself saying...” appa I did something totally stupid—I backed the car into a bamboo... totally my fault appa..”Appa stares at the king and says sternly” who the hell allowed you to take the car!...”
Three more hours of silence later-- Appa” I am glad you had the courage to tell the truth… I must have done something right with you…”
Though Dad has fergotten over the years what transpired that day—in the kings mind those words at the end meant a lot more than anything else ever had…

Snubbed:
PTA meeting 5th grade- Amma to teacher,” I don’t know what I am going to do with him.. he watches TV all day” Teacher,” Oh really? That’s good- he is one of the brightest students in the class—obviously that’s working- encourage it more”… well over the years obviously what I heard the teacher say has been probably changed.. but truthfully in essence it meant that and Amma laughed with me on the way back as we got into the cycle rickshaw…

Failure:
A medium sized awkward kid of something like ten sits at his bench crying.. as everybody inquires he cries,” I have never failed an exam before in my life and I think I failed physics” and continues crying.. soon the physics teacher comes up and pulls him to his room corrects the paper in front of him and says “Arre why are you crying see you have passed you are getting 34 on 50”.. he smiles gets back to class and then starts thinking again” what just 34 everybody is going to get above 40 .. my rank is going to go down…..

Happiness:

UKG- As I get to the gate my auto driver is not there and the chowkidaar wouldn’t allow me out till he came. I decided to escape through the iron railings as he looks the other way and decide to walk 5 km back home. As I do so it starts to rain. I sing and dance in the rain and continue walking. I see our neighbor and wave at him and he in his own world just waves back at me ( Two older people who brought this kid up are still perplexed as to why that uncle did not catch and pull one with the help of a ear lobe) about an hour and a half later one reaches the street of home sweet home to find a mom standing at the head… one is supposed to have giggled to her,” ummmmm I escaped….”

Doctors are Perplexed:

At age three one would not eat unless on top of the bonnet of the ambassador. As amma goes to bring more food- one slides down onto a thick wall edge – 4 stitches on the forehead…
4 weeks later… the day the stitches are to be removed—one is sitting on a high ledge 3 feet above the ground level--- an hour later the doctor looks at the bleeding forehead and says after a while perplexed…” Do I remove the stitches from this side and put them onto the other side of his forehead???”
The incidents with the fore head being split open happened a couple more time btw- explains a lot doesn’t it??


That’s some of which that defined 25 to me today—I feel old and insignificant….

Chandramouli --On the run the continuing adventures:

*inspired to complete the chandramouli trilogy thanks to this bata thatha series that I came across recently...


Chandramouli had decided after his tryst with phorin females that the way to go was arranged marriage So on a trip back home he decided to go the safe way as in arranged dating- the new concept that had evolved in his absence from the country for the last 4 years in his persuit for scientific happiness. Gone were the days were the boy with his parents visited to see the girl. He had seen this happen to his younger uncle and aunts when he was supposedly the cute kid who played cupid. The girl would come into the room full of relatives apparently decked up carrying a tray of tea biscuits and some namkeens and she would be looking down never to face anybody and as she passed the boy one of the relatives had to say, “we oldies should give these youngsters some time alone to decide” and then everybody for apparently no reason would burst out laughing. And as the girl and boy went to the terrace to decide life love and other things the mother would send him to be the “cute cupid” who in actuality prevented any apparent obscenity from happening.

Chandramouli sighed at how easy things had been then. Now the girl wanted to date him to find out how he was and what level was his intellectuality at. Weather he had an opinion on things like global warming ? Very important question. Everybody had their take on global warming these days. Great scientists like – Aishwarya rai, Amith ji and many more such revered scientists. Well at least he was really excited for the first time during his “India trip”. This trip hadn’t been what he had expected it to be. He had expected to be treated like a superstar as he was “phorin return” after all. But nobody had taken notice. Everybody had a son, daughter, uncle or aunt who had been abroad. Rather than be even treated with respect some had gone the other way in accusing him of being unpatriotic in ditching India for the “golden life” to a different country and not staying in India being patriotic and oh of course having opinions on global warming. How could he tell them that there was not one institute that researched in the field of nano paint fabrication or that the governments total budget towards the R and D of scientific technology added up to a gross sum of zero. That the education ministry was more concerned with the number of seats in the iim s rather than be worried about providing primary education to every child? But had he asked these questions he knew the response he would get- “You have no right to be asking “us” these questions u traitor. You should not be talking bad about India. We never do that – we are patriotic” And to top it all most of the girls who were available for arranged dating were scared to go out with him in case a mob decided to molest im-moralistic NRIs.

Finally his mother’s perseverance had paid and a nice Indian sounding named girl – Ramya was his date. His mother had given him strict instructions-
1) Do not try to kiss her on the cheek to say hello – u r not in amrika u know
2) Do not hug her to say good bye
3) Always stay 4 feet away from her
4) Make sure she is wearing a bindi otherwise I am not sure I would be ok with you marrying her
5) And make sure she has earings
6) It’s ok if she is not wearing a nose ring- after all it is the age of women’s lib

He had just nodded his head as he had always done in front of his mom. And now he was waiting at the bus stop for Ramya. He had been advised not to pick her up from home cause it was likely that he would be invited in thus raising the hope of the girl’s parents and this was certainly a no-no. He needed to take their feelings into consideration didn’t he now. He had been waiting fifteen minutes and then he saw a girl on the road divider 18 feet away. She was trying to cross the road but seemed not to know which side she wanted to be on. She would turn one way and then decide that the other way was the way to go. He was piqued by her behavior. Finally she decided to cross the road towards his side. She was wearing salwar kameez , had a bindi and ear rings but no nose ring. And she came upto him and broke his reverie- “Chandramoli..??” and he found himself saying “ yes??” R“ Hi I am Ramya” Now Chandramouli had watched Sivaji and had leant from the thalaver of philosophy how an NRI should behave in india and keeping upto that he found himself saying, “Coool”

They walked to a restaurant which was but 5 feet away. Chandramouli had made sure that the tables in the place measured to be more than 4 feet in width. All was well till now. He smiled when he thought of his friend back in the states. His friend was “liking” a girl in his workplace. But each time he had built up the courage to go ask her out something had befallen the girl- she had ordered lunch, had a doctor’s appointment, had her boss in her cabin and then finally when she had been free she told him that she was going to Washington over the weekend to be with her “new” boy friend. He had cursed himself at his luck but Chandramouli had chuckled at all of this. He was above him for he knew the cause. It was an ardha shastra called the Mothers Ashirvaadam that had protected the son from doing such profanely obscure things.

They talked over lunch. He had made a very good impression on Ramya. Having watched lage raho munnabhai he knew how to impress her as well. He made sure he did not call the waiter as “ chhh chhhhchchchh idhar aa”. That one thing might have as well decided things in his favour. They talked for quite a while and then came the question that would probably twist things in his favor,” what do you think of global warming?”. He was prepared- he said,” I totally agree with Amith ji on that- the devastation that green house gasses are causing mother India is abominal. In fact I cycled all the way here and made sure the restaurant was in walking distance for you as well. So that the only fuel we burnt today was perspiration” She was certainly swayed. He smiled inwardly.

She said to him,” you know I have a confession to make. When I was crossing the road I had second thoughts about meeting you. I thought you would be like all those NRIS like that guy from the movie “Pardes”- Apurva Agnihotri I think and be without any Indian culture and values. But I am so glad to have met you. To be precise the things that sawyed me are that you have an opinion on global warming and you did not order mineral water like Bisleri like all those other NRI freaks” Chandramouli did not have the heart to tell her that he had not touched the water and had not trusted bisleri since the scandal that had showcased that they were using ditch water as a source.
Chandramouli was happy. He thought he had found bliss in it all and as he walked Ramya home she suddenly looked at him extremely cross and said,” Of all the nerve! Just when I thought you werent like all those NRIs you most certainly are you pig how dare you!” Chandramouli was flabbergasted. He did not know what he had done wrong. And then the application of the deep mathematical theory of gamst probability he realized he was but “3 feet” from Ramya.

She walked away in a huff as Chandramouli stood in her wake….

AUTHORS NOTE:

How cool is this I get to do an authors note..:D this story wudnt be possible without a certain chain of events- 1 - A's idea for she was great resource..:) and S's adventures- he helps me out a lot of the times and I would sincerley like to thank the shiv sena for enforcing law and order in india and inspire mobs everywhere to preserve us against western domination... and of course the usual stuff- I do not ascribe to what I write and all..

The Chandramouli stories:

2) Chandramouli - The redux stories

1) Theoretically I knew who the killer was.....

Chandramouli - The redux stories

*the characters that have been so potrayed are purely fictitious and bear no resemblence whatsoever to anybody or anything in real life...



At the age of 24 Chandramouli was a repressed goat in heat. His research consumed most of his time and socializing apparently was not his skill. Professor Mansen was extremely demanding and on top of that had “inspired” him to run the marathon. Saturdays were tiring. As such he had a lot of experiments to run on top of which his marathon training was would peak taking atleast a couple of hours of training and then the inevitable tiredness.

At 8pm his hunger peaked and he decided to get to a chinki restaurant were he could get some real spicy food. Seated by the window he decided to catch up with his mom. And then she came to be seated soo close to him that he almost shouted out the f word while on the fone with his mom.. what he ended up saying was his order was here and he would talk to her later. Chandramouli started to stutter in his usual nerdy fashion only this time it was while he wa..wass thinking. “ Should I talk to her.. what would she say.. mebbe she would call the cops.. meebe she would slap me.. “.. now it is not normal in Chandramouli’s world that guys talk to girls all the time. “should I .. I don’t think I will………………what the heck nobody I know is here to see me get slapped.........”………..” hey would u care for some company.. are you eating alone tonight?” Fair maiden (not Iron maiden)“ yeah I am “.. C”so do you got to the university here?” FM” No I am actually here on vacation I am from Louisiana”.. “ that’s nice” FM” so what do you do”..C” I go to the U here.. My research involves nano particle paint fabrication…#@!@#@##@#@####” ( really interesting as that was lets move on..) “ so whats your name?”.. FM” Mines really tough to pronounce its Celia Anatonopiolika.. I am originally from Russia” ( well an Iron maiden after all..).. C” mines tougher you know its Chandramouli Radhakrishnan.. actually my full name is Kentalla(village) Gopalakrishnan( Grandpapas name) Radhakrishnan( Dads name) Chandramouli ( u guessed it my name.. heheheheheh) pattabhi ( my gotram name) Iyer ( my clan).. huhh“ FM smiling” Hey that’s quite a time you would have to sign wouldn’t you??” C” No no I don’t go by the whole name.. “ The waiter comes with C’s check..(ppl back home thts just a lingo thing the bill is called check and I don’t know what the check is called.. these crazy Americans you know..)

So Chandramoulis gets up to get to the counter to pay. The stuttured thinking is back ..
C’ s apparent devilish side (*DC)..” Ask her out you dumbass.. nobody who has a boy friend comes out alone on a saturaday night”.. C’s angel ( *AC – being real creative with theses names ain’t I..;) ] “ What will your mother say.. she will surely burst out crying .. think about yours dads position in society after you ask her out.. think about your grandmas frail heart condition.. do you want to be the cause of her “murder”.. Chandramouli you have been brought up with “strong values” .. do not do it .. thou shall not sin sin sin…..”.Chandroamouli just ran out of the restaurant not looking back…DC” DUMBASS.. ”……




Hrd ths song fter a long time.. and still speaks to me in such a clear fasion bout the music industry!!!

On request.................... The Zany adventures of agent Su and Agent P .. not the pink bunny .. su and Prrrr and other stories

Cigarettes are an important part of a wonderful Friday night Agent S. Get them before you are too sloshed to make sure your credit card gets back into your wallet and wallet into the back pocket.

In a cigarette shop- some Marlboro lites please .. some guy- hey you guys should be ashamed of yourselves.. have you guys never seen cigarette lighters before .. is this the first time.. not yet drunk to pick up a fight so a lame polite smile get the bill and continue into the moonlit night.

On the street- oh bald one- hey you guys from India??
Agents-Yup. Oh.b..one- we were just having a laugh that you guys must be from wipro or tata..agents – hhahhahahhahahaha.. no we goto the u here.. Oh.b..one- cool we actually work for a firm from noida.. have fun guys..

The Brits are coming- a chick chik here and a chik chik there .. get some beer.. try kruggers.. effevtive strategy—drink a pint of beer like a shot.. collars are up now because that’s where the microphone is hidden.. contacting mother ship Agent S and Agent P have reached the target .. mission plan confirmed.

Get to an Irish place down the same street., mother ship confirming mission for the second time- get the gold from a lepricorn.. from under the rainbow. Get some Irish beer which helps us agents whose blood have nanobots locate the gold. Intuition skills upto brilliant levels. Oh Flaming red hair- get us our medicine.. a tryst is planned for my blood and his ever changing lover of different forms Alcohol.. Flaming red hair obliges quickly

Jackass gives us his first appearance—hey u fukun Indians hows it gng??.. bet uve got a comb in your back pocket .. huuuuuuuuuuuh.. Agent P – sure also have a handkerchief in my front pocket to wipe my sweat from my fore head.. wink wink at some blonde chik..
Jack ass will make an appeaeance later on as he moves to table of chiks..

Agent P- Agent S what are thou.. Agent S- I am what I am.. A robot.. Agent P- It is said that robots such as yourself have their genitals in their wrists..
Agent S- It is forbidden to hold hands in public where I come from.. (a sad look encompasses his bot features).. Agent P- Irony would be a really well structured girl bot made to seduce us human agents and all you have to do is hold hands..sigggghhhhhhhhh…

Nanobots upto full charge .. Jackass is back.. after a tryst with Agent S which has not been revealed for both agents get free shots brought up again by Oh Flaming red hair..The gold is now in sight being protected by green jacketed Irish leprecauns..
Mothership- situation assesses pull out of there We repeat pull out of there..

“He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day”