Salvation

The path to salvation
is very similar to that
which leads one to
eternal damnation
there does not seem
much difference between
the two so to say
for without one
the other seems impure
I wonder though
which is it that I seek
Salvation or Damnation

The Girl with the Dragon Tatoo

I was watching this amazing movie- The girl with the dragon tattoo when I noticed something funny that I cant figure out. It was a foreign language film (for me that is :D) with subtitles. At the peek when I was totally engrossed into the film I did not find my self " reading " the sub-titles. Reading as in hearing my voice in my head talking the words out loudly.. :D but as soon as i discovered this I started doing that and couldnt stop.. and then without knowing it I was engrossed in the movie again. I felt it reminiscent to falling asleep.. :D I can never put my finger on that one moment when sleep suddenly comes.. :D

A reply

"Asuri Sudarsanan said...

achievement huh?
this philosophy is called Nayyayika Vaisheshika given by Akshapadhar (Gautama Muni), according to which, when Vaisheshika gnanam (conciousnes knowledge about this universe) dies, you get liberated.

well explained, researched, debated and trashed already :P"

Impressive. But not really.. :D I have always known that every thought that I have was probably thought of an debated in through the annals of time. Let me ask you to clarify your comment a litte and maybe push forth an argument. When you say "explained, researched and trashed" what do you mean?

For a strong philosophical thought to occur- one must have had an equally strong experience. But to debate and trash one needs only so called logic. The vedas or the puranas do not provide us the armory to say that something is wrong or this is my experience .. this is logic.. hence this must be true..:D So any place that it has been trashed has been through the interpretation of other individuals .. however advanced might be their thinking they have not found any ultimate truth. To be so strongly apposed to an idea one must have an equally strong reason other than what is debated.

So for me- I have been through an emotionally torrid time... and hence such a thought occurred. I question existence and no matter what someone else suggests- be it debated before it will not convince me else unless an experience does so. To be concise I do not seek answers to satisfy myself but question my experience and innate conscience and conscience is different from "conciousnes" of what it is that surrounds you.. :)

Darkness

I saw her in her glory
Fascinated by the love she showed
Blinded by my own cowardice
I said nought the others blatant

She waited till my hay was reached
troubled by the control I seek
Little did she see the cowardice
hidden beneath

She left in a haze
having no other choice apparent
but I was left in the trail
seeking no one apparent

I blame her absolutely not
Her reasons solid and very sane
but the pain that is there
just dosnt go away

Darkness preceeds and succeeds
All Can see is the this movie play over
based on the seasons starting with summer
Leading to a cold bleak winter

Throughout your hopes are kept alive
in the thought that it will end in spring
but the movie ends in a cold dark winter
Abruptly at that and no more

you are left in a wake of selfish sadness
But you will never recover
A verdict that had been passed a long time ago
and yet someone up there laughs in jest
For I do not see what it is that pans out

Resurrection

Its been quite painful coming to this space... but i guess an outlet is an outlet... I made an observation years ago when I read the lord of the rings. In the end once Sauron is vanquished and everybody is back to happy ways and so called eternal happiness Frodo is lost. Lost completely- so much so that he starts keeping to himself except for Sam. As you read on- there are some very beautiful points of views-- of one's lost innocence -- how frodo has been posioned too much in his soul to continue a meaningless existance of finding a wife... raising kids ... being "Happy" on society's terms and leading a "good life"... to poisoned too enriched in a way ... the meloncholy that Tolkien creates is mind numbing... I remember being very uncomfortable as if one day... one day...

The Calcutta Chromosome

I am ashamed to even admit this but I hadnt read a book in three years now other than the last harry puttar.. :D that hasnt stopped me from buying books though .. for I knew one day i would break my rut and I would need a lot of books then.. :|... :D MS kids me about that with a raised eyebrow every time I say I stopped by a Barnes and Nobles.. :D Anyway finally the rut has been broken! I am halfway through this book by Amitav Ghosh a gift from S about a year and a half ago on my birthday... until now I got to say its the best conspiracy book ever.. the shunting between time history and characters is extremely well done without losing track of the plot.. brilliant until now!

PS- Weezer is awesome!


PS PS- just finished the novel.. Brilliant simply Brilliant!

I am getting old.. :( ~(_8-(!)

I recently started working at a new place. I stopped by the recruiters office a couple of weeks ago to do the paperwork. When I came out I thought " Do I remember her face? Will I recognise her If I saw her on the street again? " I was so in my own world I thought I really didnt notice. And then I thought" Heck - How does it even matter"... and everytime I have had a cocky thought It sure has come to bite me in the ass .. :D As luck would have it she was visiting my work place and passed by my cubicle and says" Heyyy Prashanth ... hows it going?" and I turn around dazed.. not recognising her.. and in a confused voice followed by ackward silence " Hey not to bad" and then another confused smile.. fortunately she was clld away before I had any further chance of making an ass of myself.. :D and then it all came back... :D God! she must think I am such a moron....

Sometimes ....

A long time ago .... when I think I was in the 11th std ... I was playing in a house cricket match. I never was much of a cricket player ... more a soccer player... but being assistant house captain I was there to fill the numbers. The other team was winning and it was down to one partnership that we weren't able to break. And everyone on the team was angry with me for giving away a strategy - I blurted out there is no fielder at square leg which was the team strategy that I didn't pay attention too... :D ... anyway I was at mid wicket sulking a bit when an over throw came in my direction. I chased the ball turned around and threw it back. It bounced twice and hit the wicket on the bowlers end. And then everyone started shouting and came running towards me. I didn't comprehend what had happened cause I thought the runner was well in. Apparently he hadn't grounded his bat! That was the turning point in the match.. :D

Anyway all these years later I remembered that incident right now cause I am in a similar situation in life.. I am chasing the ball... turning and throwing blindly and hoping its a turning point....

The Zombie song

So I met a Zombie
in the middle of the night
Driving down highway 54
Which adds up to nine

He had just one thumb
Which was just right
For he was waving asking
For a lift to get
On his way to wherever

I was a bit drunk
So I stopped to pick him up
He got into the car
And gave me a smile
Or so I thought cause
There were no teeth

He said thanks for stopping
No one does that anymore
And so it had taken him a year of walking
And yet he was far from the place he
Wanted to go

Nobody understood him he said
Everybody was afraid of him
Some who saw him
Said he was just a figment of their imagination
And looked away

And others were not so kind
And waved a cross at him
As if he would disappear
And close their eyes in fear
But not one liked him

He was a bit gloomy for
He was the only one of his kind left
Not willing to move on
Stuck in a reality that was not his
And yet he was the one who was scared

Scared of compromise or something
Scared of a lot of things
Scared of moving on and finding
His own kind that he missed
May not be the thing that
His dreams were made of

And all such crap or so I thought
Like I said I was drunk
The details were fuzzy
But the truth was clear
I didn’t know what to say
To cheer him up

A similar situation I am in
I told him so
And smiled at him
Teeth and all

He laughed at the smile
I knew so from the sound
He said I haven't seen someone
Smile and show me their teeth
In the way you just did

He got down a few miles later
I wished him luck as he did me
And a half hour later I wondered
Did that really happen
Or was that the future…

Hatred- I hate

Sometimes I get this feeling of Anger
That is unexplained and contradictory
To my nature that is
Which is emboldened by a cigerette
Smoked in invincibilty

It is a feeling I cannot explain
Even to myself let alone others
Makes me feel cocky and cynical
And that I can conquer the world
With anger and hatred rather than
Try the mellow other

I thought this world could
not move me no more
with its stories of ever horror
I asked myself why
A story of say child abuse
By an organisation as big as the UN peacekeepers
Gave shock no more to me

I have become emmersed in this hatred
The world has come to spread
And I find people all around me
In different types of guilt trips
In an effort to overcome
And satisfy ones own pitiful existance

That’s all it is a lifelong guilt trip

People like to talk about these things
Like China Myanmar as if
They sypathise with the plight
And in that they are human
But I do not see any humanity in that

There are others who go
One step furthur and give
A portion of their earnings to
A fund set up to help people
In need and feel good about themselves

That too is nothing but a glorified guilt trip

And then there are those who admit
That they do not feel any feeling
And in that their strong and believe
In the survival of the fittest

In them either I do not find the humanity I look for

And yet I find humanity in small things
That I come across when I feel these strong emotions
That always bring me back to earth
And make me believe!
Something as simple as a one line email
From a sister I love very much.

Emails from the past

Three years ago slightly edited...


"I got my visa today. This is what happened.

I got there at 7.50( my appointment wus at 8) and
afound a que that seemed like it would reach the
marina.I didnt know if i would make it to the end of
the raod(leave alone inside) by 8. So i asked guys in
the que what time their interview was. I got answers
ranging from 9.30 to 11.30. so basically i cut the que
and went atraight to the window( for check and
entering) with hundreds of people throwing silent
curses at me.

Anyways i wus inside now.I paid the dds( for the
american counsulate and the tts services) and stood
in line to get my doccuments checked.Now i had a
choice.Choice one wus a middle aged lady who didnt
seem to know that there was a mike and bullet proof
glass in front of her and choice two wus a cute lady
in her late twentys with priety zinta type of glasses.
obviosly ( being the shallow person that r all males)
i took choice no.2.Boy wus i tortured for that. She
took what seemed like ages to procees just two guys in
front of me.ppl who arrived after me where already
finished with the ch:1 lady and were gone fer the
interview while i wus there waiting.. waiting..
waiting.. i guess u get the picture.( moral of the
story the cliched u can never find a girl with beauty
as well as brains-- haha)

now i wus inside and wus directly sent to a que for
the interview. i had just one person before me.

his interview went as

Foriener: what r u gonna do in the us

this guy: i going to come back to india use the
techniques i learnt and work for the greater good of
not only the indian economy but also the greater good
of mankind as well.

the ferengi looks at him then says that wus not the
question i asked.
....... iam sorry to say that i am rejecting ur visa!

(myself : oh my god this must be the guy who is there
to reject all visas so that they have a normally
distributed rejection rate... i am doomed ... oh my
god...

the words
"please come forward" broke my reverie.

ferengi : why this university
self: i have been lokin at the resaerch blah blah
blah......
ferengi: how are u gonna pay fer it
self: i am taking an education loan and my dad is also
helpin out
ferengi: abruptly what r u gonna do afterwards
self( thinking: probabaly take a toilet break no he
must mean after the course) and before i think it out
i find myself saying "i am going to (dont say work u
goddamn idiot ur visa will surely get rejected )
"WORK" as the prosepects blah blah...
ferengi: u still havent said where ( looks at me
expectently probably thinking say the magic word " usa
" come on give me the pleasure let me reject ur visa
come on come on ...)

self: obviosly i am coming back to india because blah
blah blah ....

ferengi : there is no visa issuance fee for students
thank you ( and smiles)


and that is me story. hope havent wasted two minute s
of yer time."

Self pity...

Today I saw a piece of white plastic
Stuck on a tree without leaves
As I looked up at it I could see the sky
The tree though short I could not set free
The white piece of plastic that was stuck to
But a branch on that tree

I saw it as a sign for how my life stands
for in that plastic as alien to the tree
without leaves I see my self
on the threshold of all my dreams
but on hold without being set free

stuck on the topmost branch
just but a yard away from flying high
to achieve the great and pursue happiness
but being held back for reason known not
the futility of it all just hit me
as a harsh cold breeze blew into my face

I fear feeling pity for myself
In world not short on self pity
That I cannot blame any one person
Or thing for that matter
And be done with it so to say
On being held back without
Being allowed to fly in the sky so high

But I am stuck on that bracnh for now
With no apparent help but I dare hope
That someday soon things will be clear
As to why I have to feel this fear
And how should I face it for
Now I am lost but not the hope

Prayers are strong as is goodwill
That is one thing I am not short or shy of
At the moment as things stand
They are the two weapons that I embrace
In the fight so to say to set free
That piece of plastic white as can be
Into the high skies and beam like a light
In the dark blue skies….

Ghandhigiri??

Asimov as a writer influenced my thinking at a poignant age towards the decadence of a society at the height of its progress. He taught of signs which definitely pointed towards decadence when a majority of the society where blissfully ignorant of such decadence and unwilling to change which is a sure sign of a peak of advancement as it is of a fall imminent. The scary thing is that all these signs can be seen with the Indian society that has survived generations past, of invasions and changes galore. Who would have thought that now we are looking to divide even past cast creed and religion and the anti social elements along with a scary mob culture that has developed can take control and divide as Marathi’s being different from North Indians? There have of course been similar movements in Tamil nadu since before I was born and developed in Bangalore in the past few years as well.

Three movies that I have watched in the recent past brought cohesion to my thought process on the nature of a revolution being- Charlie Wilson’s War, The Kite runner and Persepolis. They have a similar theme if you look at them as a whole. The first two talked of decadence in the Afghanistan region and the third extremely creatively of the same in Iran. They start off with the countries being on the brink of revolution where in the intelligentsia of the society meet consistently in a euphony that the revolution would bring the much needed change from a tyranny that was tying down the society. But in the wake of a bloody revolution the elements that come to power are the most tyrannical- the people as such who are willing to take blood rather than give for the revolution. And those are the elements that come to power!

That put in with some western capitalistic gain driven policies have driven the two countries into the so called dark ages. There are such stark similarities in the decadence that it pretty much scares me. The stark banality of thought process being that the state decides what women should wear, how they should behave in public and denying basic modern human rights such as education and a free thought flow process which scares the hell out of these tyrannical elements because of a basic fear of progress in the name of a vile “western” influence. These elements are not willing to adapt to a changing modern thought process on various issues that affect the society and are more involved in short term gains and a self pity rather than being a visionary for their fellow human beings.

All of this led me to see why Gandhi was such a visionary in his own time! Being born neither during the wake of pre or post independence but something like 40 years after I was exposed to two imposingly opposite thought processes on Gandhi- One being unrelenting hatred towards his policies that supposedly pushed back independence by twenty years and put the Nehru family at the forefront of policy making and the other that reveres his patience for the peaceful way always. But think about it. Would we have rather wanted a bloody revolution say in the 1920’s with the people who were willing to spill blood to be the very founders of the country? In that alone I could see what Gandhi was thinking some 50 years after independence. He was not thinking of just his generation but for generations’ way past his lifetime. He persisted with his main weapon of “Ghandhigiri” through times rough and then rougher and made sure that the anti social elements do not form the foundation of the society he envisioned. In this I am not trying to judge Bhagat Singh or Subhash Chandra Bose or their perseverance for independence. They were great men no doubt who were willing to give their lives as well for the cause. But not every Indian who followed their ideals would have been like them i.e, more willing to give their blood rather than spill blood with an emphasis on more.

Gandhi’s policies were patience driven with an emphasis on giving time for things to work out rather than be brash and look to gain on the short term. It was amazing the way he was able to mobilize and unite a country so different on so many levels and yet stick to his ideals. I was talking to a friend S along those lines and he pointed out some very poignant thoughts. Gandhi, he said, did not proclaim to be a saint who was trying to be a politician but a politician who was trying to be a saint!

It is sad that a country that was founded on such ideals now does not see much light in that. It absolutely saddens me the current state of affairs. In the last few weeks I have heard of a mob that doesn’t mind molesting women on weak pretenses, a mob motivated to violence against fellow Indians in the name of dominant regionalism, and the Tamil Nadu legislature discussing what dresses film actresses should wear! I ask a banal question in- is this what national policy makers be worried about? And how different are these thoughts from the radical thoughts that dominate the Taliban in Afghanistan or that in Iran? They are no different…

How to gain 10 pounds in 5 weeks..

I once traveled to Africa
In search of tropical rain forests
To get away from the tides of the city
In search for a solitude
For never had I been more lost
Innocence, security and belief in the divine

I refused guidance
For a pride not of lions
It’s easy to be confused
For I did say I was in Africa
But far from the Savannah

So without guidance I forayed
Into the unknown apparently brave
With an attitude so frivolous
That it put fear even in me
Of why was I taking things so easy

A brash attitude I would say
But with no one to correct me
And not one knowing what I felt
Not for any reason but mine
For I thought I was being brave in shielding
The ones I love from unnecessary tensions

My brash attitude would be soon broken
For I knew it had to
It was not my way but
The way of life for I
The way it always has
Throwing many surprises along the way

Even in my solitude the people I shielded
Sensed my worries in different ways
And found ways to be worried
Even though a thousand miles away

And people I chose to confide in to
Bear the burden I felt
Found ways to comfort me
With a solidarity I will not forget

I rediscovered a friendship as always
In selfish times for myself
But totally selfless in the other
And had a little fun in the process
Teaching myself again the happiness
In creating an unknown adventure
And believing in the divine

As was always it ended
In a moment of extreme relief and happiness
And as I thought before I slept
I should treasure this for
I was sure to find ways to complicate
The following with umpteen self created problems

And I did just as I suspected…..


“To all those who have shown solidarity through these “selfishly” hard times I salute all of thee--- SAN,H,SU,SH,JB,G(for the records known as K),P,KC,P…..and of course Ch……

The imperfect 10..

I was watching Home improvement after a long time on cable today. This got me want to do a top ten on the English shows I watched while growing up between 3rd and 8th std. Here goes

10) Baywatch – That I started watching in 6th std .. god what an awesome show for delinquents which I am proud to b..:D. .

9) Duck Tales and Talespin- Sunday.. Doordarshan.. What else can I say

8) 21 Jump Street- Became a huge fan of Johnny Depp after I started watching this show. sometime in 4th Std

7) Dharma and Greg- Started watching this in the 7th std. Was in coimbatore then The first two seasons were awesome but then kinda got clichéd

6) Street Hawk – One of a kind on Doordarshan.. something I waited for on Sundays

5) Small wonder- Brilliant show..

4) Home Improvement- agh agh agh… ( pronounced as agh agh agh)..

3) The Wonder Years- Sooper show.. had a big crush on “Winnie Cooper” for a long time

2) M*A*S*H – one of the funniest shows ever.. Alan Alda as Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce was just awesome.. started watching MASH sometime in 6th std too..

1) Star Trek- ( and the Next generation).. inspired SF at the right age…

Goofy would be proud of me

The last five weeks I have been embarrassing myself more than ever in public. Every time I think I cannot better this I somehow manage to do so. Here’s the top five:

5) The first time I have friends in my new ride.. I back straight into a scooter that is parked behind me. Ppl start doubting I even know how to drive..:(

4) As I leave Minneapolis I stop for one last lunch. Leaving the place I back straight into a car parked behind me and to top it all it has a couple sitting inside totally flabbergasted!

3) In the place where I had lunch I drop coffee all over the table and when the waitress gets there I apologize so sheepishly that she starts laughing out so loud that I am even more embarrassed.

2) it’s a Saturday and I am coming out of a post office feeling real peachy and I walk straight into a glass barrier ( just like the saint Gobain add) and almost break my nose. Everybody in there looks at me with pity and horror and thinks I for one am surely on drugs.

1) I think that lunch hour is included in the 8 hour working day. APPARENTLY NOT!

Cats!!

One of the many things I miss from migrating to the US are my cats. I raised three kittens and had gotten so close to them that I was treating them like my son and daughters. A few days ago when I got back from office (yes even I find it hard to believe that I have a 8-5 job now!), it was raining, pardon the pun, but-- cats and dogs. As I ran into my apartment building I saw a cat sitting under a car at the opposite end of the parking lot. I bent down to get a look and smiled at it and walked into my apartment.

The next day when I got back from office and I got otta my car, to my surprise I found her waiting for me. She came running to me meowing in full might, just as my kittens did when I got back from college. I lifted my leg as I would to my kittens and she did the same thing walked around me in circles meowing all the while and rubbing her head ferociously against my shoes. And then showing her head to me as if to say go ahead pet me. I was overcome by a joy that I had missed all this time. I let her pet me for the next fifteen minutes before I bid her adieu. Now if only women were that easy!!

Chaar Hafte Attahis Din...

Four weeks ago I was still in my ever blissful state of happy laziness that I thought I would never have to give up. I was in control of the pace at which I wanted things to go. I did not own a car and walked to school everyday having not bought a bus-pass in a frugal attempt to save money. I did not mind walking to school. That would be one of the best parts if the day. And then things just went crazy with just the sheer pace at which it happened. I got an offer I could not refuse and to take up that offer I had to leave good old Minneapolis and swap for Cleveland. I decided that the best way to get there would be to road-trip. It was about 800 miles. Now to road-trip I realized I needed a car. I started looking for good deals on second hand cars in the midst of trying to wrap up my work at school. I looked at one car and decided I wasn’t looking at deals anymore. I heard this dialogue in one of the crappiest movies of the summer –Transformers… “You don’t choose your car She chooses you”… that seemed so true in this case. I have been cribbing in my previous posts about having been forced to grow up… these four weeks have had me do more adult ( not XXX I would wish though).. things than ever. Heck I found myself not only planning how I was to get to Cleveland but also how to finance my car… boy was she worth all the trouble of growing up though..:) ..



Now that I had my vahanam as the D-day arrived I got most of my work wrapped in Minneapolis ( whatever little I had left K was gracious enuf to take on for me which is extremely well appreciated..:) ]. I put all of my stuff into thy new and shiny ride and bid adieu to friends so supportive I am sure I will not ever find.

And so started my journey… a foray into the unknown. The road trip was different this time because I was doing it alone this time around. It felt strange. Here how I did the 800 odd miles…

I drove to Preoria in Illinois where an old friend H had moved to in the past few months.



I spent Saturday catching up with him and driving him crazy with my HP mania. I bought HP7 and the bugger read the last page and threatened to spoil the ending.. an ending I had frankly been waiting for all of these four years since the HP bug bit me. So I used all of my vile resources in cheating him with some arbit sentimentality I somehow managed to stop him from revealing the end..( though I am sure he wouldn’t have done so even else..:)]. It was nice to catch up with him.

And then on a sunny Sunday morning I bid him adieu and started on the second leg as



As I reached Cleveland I had been of the mind that all I would have to do is look at three places that I had found on the net and move in and get settled. I was in for a shock that I did not like any of the places. It was Sunday evening and I was joining work the next day. I kicked my self for not having a plan B. Finally I found myself in a motel for the night. Now I had been warned by many that Cleveland is a ghetto place and not crime free. For some reason I could not believe it to be as bad as what it was portrayed as till I drove around looking for apartments! At one place when I was talking to a realtor that I was new to the place and how was the neighborhood he replied,” since I am renting out this place I cannot comment on the neighborhood… all I can say is that if any of my tenants have had a problem the police have bene at hand within 10 minutes”. Boy that sure psyched me out!! On top of all that I was cash strapped as well putting almost all of my life savings in getting there. Thankfully before the Super8 motel made me file for bankruptcy I found the place I knew I wanted to reside at…

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shaker_Heights,_Ohio

In the mean time I have also started working. Something that I have managed not to do all my life I suddenly found myself thrown into. All I can say is a clichéd… Life is full of surprises!

Winds of change..

As I left the remnants of downtown to enter boom park the sounds of vehicles died out. All I could hear was the flow of the backwaters of the Mississippi, birds chirping and a path laden with trees. Soon I came upon a place where the path split into two. On one side was an old railway bridge while the other lead to a seeming tar laden road. I was confused as to which would I take. I went a couple of steps on the rickety bridge only to turn back out of a inborn fear as to the security of finding something known. As I turned back there were two teens on their bikes. I asked them if this would lead to some kind of secure path. She just smiled at me and said “I don’t know”. It was the carefree way in which she told me the same that got me thinking.

I have feared change at a lot of levels over the past few months. With graduation looming close by the fear of finding a secure future has been haunting me. On top of that after a much anticipated India trip at the beginning of the year.. a feeling that I never expected I would feel haunted me through the first few months. Feelings of home-sickness that is. It hit me to be honest when I never expected it to. Things have changed leaps and bounds over the last six months and things are storming forward. I thought I did not want the change and could not take it any more.

As a kid my dad had a transferable job and we never stayed in the same place for more than a couple of years .I never found it difficult as such to move. It was always a new adventure to look forward to. Too make more connections and be exposed to a new environment. Never had to worry about responsibilities. Did not have to plan anything out. Those things where done by adults. Maybe that’s why I have been scared.

That’s what I thought. But then when I heard what the kid said it changed my whole perspective. I saw a hidden message.. a philosophy in it all. I see change is a constant in life and not something that’s going to “change”. I know that’s strange but that’s what I learnt. I said .. what the heck.. and ran down the rickety bridge.. carved out a way through the wilderness and reached a safe secure familiar road again. But then the excitement and rush of blood I felt only while I was on the rickety bridge trying to get to the road. Not once I reached it and ran along the familiar stretch...

Diarios de Bicycleta..

Stuck in an office in front of my laptop for hours together suffocation was a given. I had a getaway planned. Stealing Su’s bike for the day seemed now to be a brilliant master plan. Something V said earlier in the day made me want to bike along the Mississippi. So I took (not to be confused with the clan of hobbits) the cycle and headed out on the biking trail. It’s been ages since I biked to be precise not since high school. As I went down a slope I remembered the child in me feeling thrilled as the air caressed my face and gave me such pleasure that has been missing from my mundane life. I remembered the promise I had made to myself looking at adults all around years ago that I would never grow up. Never be responsible ever! But the last two years have seen those promises forgotten and put me in situations which have forced me to grow up and not remember any of those promises of what I wanted from life. I did not even realize that I had grown up till that air talked sense into me.

Going back a long way I remember now how I learnt to cycle. My dad did not have the time to teach me and since we lived in apartment complexes in the heart of cities throughout my childhood getting a cycle had the same chances as Morarji Desai getting up in the morning and forgetting to drink his pee. So during my summer vacations when we migrated south to visit my grandparents I convinced my grandpa to rent me a bike and get one of his “fans” to teach me to bike. Four days of efforts bore fruit and I was able to bike the year I went into my fourth grade. It wasn’t till my dad got a job in Coimbatore that I got my first bike- a Hercules MTB. Coimbatore wasn’t a very metropolitan hugely populated city and for the first time we were in an independent house. I took great care of it and formed my own biking gang that terrorized the streets of Coimatore- the 7th grade punks. The year I went into my 8th grade did not start that well. My bike got stolen when I was “holidaying” in Puddukottai with my grandparents. I had to walk to school to my horror (it took me 5 whole minutes instead of 2…a kid can take only that much!). I started pestering my dad to get me another cycle. The rage was the Hercules ( don’t remember the name but it had shock absorbers in the front and on the back) that was priced at 2000 buckaroos. I started,subtly, brainwashing my dad into buying that for me. My dad had just been laid of then and I used to find my mom crying a lot everyday when I got back home in the “Swamyroom..( I seriously thought my dad was terminally ill or something.. Moms!!). And for the first time in my life that I can remember I found dad traveling by bus. Things were looking bleak. But all that was on my mind was the cycle. Somehow I did not get the gravity of the situation and was secure that mom and dad will take care of things (other than my moms unexplained crying they never let me feel something was amiss.. Parents!!). Anyways after two months of pestering I got to go to the street of cycle shops (this place is famous in Coimbatore.. my memory of names ….)
And I compromised on the Hercules Rockshox ( with the shock absorbers only in the front !!) and I cycled back on it 5 miles to save on the costs of the autorickshaw. She was my partner in crime for the next five years.

We moved to Chennai later that year with my dad back in business after 6 months and here I found a new partner in crime both for me and my cycle. Ant and I started a friendship that has I do not have words for. Looking back at the start of this friendship I remember a quirky thing- we played cricket in my backyard and I was in a lunghi..:D. Through the summer months ( all ppl from Chennai- I refer to the months of may june and july!.. Others who might be confused Chennai has four seasons like any other place- summer summer summer and summer) we would cycle everywhere. We also made big plans to cycle 20 miles to Mahabalipuram on a “foggy” ”smoggy” bhogi morning but had to cancel because of others ditching in the last moment..(my first experience at being ditched after a lot of planning..;) ). When I went into the 11th grade I got busy with my IIT preps and fergot about my cycle. One day when I got home I saw that the cycle was missing. I ran up to my mom saying its happened again my cycle has been stolen again! My mom goes – don’t be silly who would steal the piece of junk .. we sold it of to the “raddiwala” months ago. I hadn’t even noticed. I hadn’t bade my goodbyes. I hadn’t kissed her on the handlebar and bid farewell to my closest aid. I was so angry with my parents that they hadn’t consulted me on this .. since then I havn’t really cycled bearing the odd circumstance here and there.

All those things came back to me today as I went round on Su’s bike ( hell probably say theres something “smelly” bout this…;)].. reading famous fives a long time ago I decided that I would cycle the country side and eat ice-cream at the local village store and true to my dream I finished up with a “legendary” chocolate shake at Ben and jerry’s.. siggggggh.. life is so complicated now that I did not want to ( I stopped in between and lay on the grass by the Mississippi) get up at all .. all I wanted to do was to stare up above the sky so high and look at the passing clouds in solitude..