Babys day out...

Science fiction lovers of the early 20th century had always assumed or maybe hoped that in 100 years from then the human race would have made contact, the big influences being Asimov, Star trek and so on. It has been 340 years since the dawn of the 21st century and the human race remains the only species capable of even primitive radio transmission in the whole alpha quadrant. The human race has spread to colonize a minuscule part of the Milky Way galaxy. Starting with the planet mars the human race has never really looked back. We have now reached the Alpha Centauri system of stars. Three planets of Centauri B and a couple of planets of Proxima had been found suitable for human inhabitation. Another thing that the people from the 20th century were scared of was the third world war. In that assumption too they were wrong. The fact was that by the end of the 21st century every government in the world had second and third generation immigrants from either China or the Indian subcontinent. There was no question of a war. Of course you might not know where China is located or where the Indian Subcontinent is huh- Luke... Luke

“Shut the fuck up and fly this goddamned garbage disposal crate… god… man ... can’t you ever stop about the 20th century,,, no wonder you can never get laid man… if it were up to me I would put you in an escape pod and dump you on the second moon of Gaya” Saying so Luke took off to find his bunk. I smiled. My father had been in the garbage business, as had been my grandfather, as had been my great grandfather- who was among the first settlers. Things had been much tougher then. We for generations had run garbage crates dumping them into the proximity of Centauri A. The family had made itself quite a bit of money. My father had great plans for the business and for me. But I wanted nothing to do with this. This was not where my dreams or aspirations ended. I had wanted to be a historian, dealing with the 20th century. And to pursue my hobby I continued to operate this crate because it gave me time to pursue my hobby – away from the eyes of my family who thought me to be loony. Ah well now that I was alone on deck I started work on my paper on the influence of Quentin Tarentino’s movies on the late 20thcentury society. I had been secretly preparing to apply to the Martian university of arts and culture in quadrant beta Z. That was when I heard Luke scream.

I brought the crate to a standstill. We were about 1.247 light years from Gaya, the fourth planet from Proxima. I walked into bay 2. Luke was there looking at me horrified. He had the monitor on garbage crate 2. I saw why he was convalescing. There was a distinct shape of a body there. I asked Luke to calm down. I started to suite up. I asked Luke to radio ahead to the authorities. I got into the pressure chamber. It still took about 23 minutes and 7 seconds to get the body acclimatized to the pressure change. Finally I was able to maneuver myself to crate 2.

I got back to bay 2 a bit out of breadth. That did not stop me from vomiting all over the floor as I took off the shield protection. I called out for Luke. Luke was right in front of me. His face was blue but he lay there serenely. I pulled myself together and checked for a pulse. Luke was dead. Oh my god- this could not be happening. Luke was like a half brother to me. We had grown up together. I ran out of the room into the lavatory- Puked all over the floor and started crying like a baby. A part of me wanted to keep doing that. But something inside me made me crash me head into the stern and brought me to me senses. I washed me face with some cold water. Oh and did I tell you why I was puking before I saw Luke? NO- I was not suffering from diarrhea and my guts are not equivalent to a little girl who has lost her lolly. I had found the body in crate 2 all right. And I knew whose it was too- Senator Seldon- Hari Seldon. This did not make any sense. I got back to the deck and switched on to a news channel. It was all over broadcast channels all right. There was blood hunt on for the kidnappers of the senator. And that was when I heard the name of my crate being mentioned and that the authorities were on the lookout for us.

I got hold of a paper bag and started breathing into it. I wasn’t afraid of the authorities but was sure that my father would murder me. I sat down to think. I closed my eyes and started to think of Sara. That calmed me down. I got myself together for the second time that night. I checked to see if Luke had indeed followed my orders for once and radioed for help. For the first time in my life I felt gratitude to the fact that Luke had not followed orders! Luke –poor Luke… I had to do something. I knew I could not land on Gaya with 2 bodies on board. I could just go ahead to Centauri A and dump my cargo with the bodies. But then all the routes would be monitored and I wouldn’t get as far as a parsec. I was a sitting duck either way. And that was when it struck me. Luke had been doing some idle banter earlier in the evening and all of that started to make sense. I chartered a course to Gaya and radioed ahead to the authorities-,” Enterprise to Watch tower 2... Enterprise to watch tower 2… Just heard the news. I am coming in with cargo… I am not a fugitive… I repeat I am not a fugitive… I am coming in… Hold off any fire …” I got an acknowledgment from watch tower 2 within seconds,” Enterprise this is Polize chief O Brien… acknowledged… this might be a mistake about your crate… but in every quadrant you still are a fugitive of the law. I would advice to ease your crate in…” I had about 27 minutes to Gaya. I had to act quickly. I dragged the senators and Luke’s bodies into the escape pod. You see there was a so called blind zone as you go around the dark side of beta K – the second moon of Gaya! And as we rounded the second moon I dumped the pod. Exactly 7 minutes later I landed on Gaya.

7 Days later...

Luke was sitting in front of me with Sara by his side. “You know you outdid yourself kid by figuring it out” I looked at him and looked away and got back to my drink. He smirked,” Common don’t be a baby. I couldn’t have done anything else. I gave you a fighting chance kid and I knew you would figure it out. I had my own ass to protect too. The plan I came up with was perfect… ” I continued as he continued to smirk,” So you injected yourself with paraketenomycin. That cut killed your sensories but kept you brain function intact. And you had Sara waiting on beta K with the ketamone antidote that restored all function. You also managed to get rid of the senators body there and then stop by to corroborate my story that you had missed the junk in the last space station which you needed no guessing at thanks to the powerful media that had my fantastic story on every galactic channel. You got paid off well for carrying out the perfect assassination didn’t you. I can’t tell anybody cause I can’t corroborate the true story can I after all I did to get off meself… “ I drank … He looked at me and said,” Kiddo you take care… enjoy yourself on Mars… you aint cut out for this business… for that any business.. ” He smirked and walked out with Sara arm in arm…. I looked at Sara’s fleeting figure and got back to my 4th….

The land of Magical Mysteries

The land that came and went

It was Sunday again which meant it was finally the day off for the children. Joe, Besse, Fanny and Dick were all exited. Mother (Aunt to Dick) had said they could be off for the whole day and was packing them some cool cucumber sandwiches and cranberry juice. Singing in unison as the sun shone brightly they walked towards the enchanted wood. As they crossed over the border into the enchanted wood they could hear all the large redwood trees go “ Wisha Wisha Wisha”… Dick put his ear against one of the nice tall redwood trees and he heard them whisper,” We all welcome our friends who have helped preserve this forest and magical folk umpteen number of times with open branches” Dick laughed. Soon they where upon the largest tree in the forest where all their friends were at.. Little Silky, Moonface, Dame Washalot, Whathisname, the Sauscepanman, the angry pixie…

The red squirrel was waiting for them at the foot of the tree. “ Oh young sirs and madams, Moonface and the others are expecting you. I will let them know that you are here and he will let the basket down.” They were all happy to oblige. The day was rather warm to be climbing the tree all the way up. Soon one of Dame Washalots huge baskets came bumping down. They all got in and tugged on the rope. It went up like a roller coaster making it all the way up to Moonface’s house in no time. They knocked on the door to be welcomed by an aroma that tingled their senses beyond control. Moonface was beaming at them. He said,” Want a toffeshock?”. They all screamed,” Not now Moonface”

The Wrong Land of Dreams

“ What land is up in the cloud Moonface?”, asked Jo. “ It’s the land of Do as you please in an hour!”, beamed Moonface. The children all screamed in delight. An hour later they all climbed up the ladder into the cloud. One by one- Moonface, Silky, Fanny, Bessie, Jo, The saucepan man, Mr.Whatshisname and finally Dick. Once they were all up into the land was when it all went dark. A cloud cover cut the sunshine out with an eerie noise started playing in the background. Jo looked at Moonface and he saw something that had he had never seen terror on Monfaces’s face. Until then he had not felt scared. But now…

Everybody started screaming at once when Moonface shouted the loudest. “Calm down everyone. Do not be scared. Looks like we made a mistake with when the land of do as you please arrives.” Suddenly Silky screamed,” Look there is a round table and there are exactly 8 chairs”. They all walked towards it and saw there where 8 name cards with each of their names on it. Not knowing what else to do they sat down by their name tags. Once seated, a card magically appeared in front of Moonface. He read out aloud,” This is the land of magical mysteries. Moonface – you have been chosen to be the leader and moderator of this group. Now as we go along – each of you will be assigned a role- 4 strangers, a detective, a killer and a reporter based on an inner reading of you minds and abilities. The rules of the game are simple:

1) the killer can never proclaim to be the killer
2) the rest cannot lie about being the killer to put themselves above suspicion
3) you have 7 magical hours ( equivalent to 7 minutes in earth time) to rat out the killer
4) If you cannot rat out the killer or you break the rules you will be trapped in the land of magical mysteries forever…..

Now that Moonface had read his card- cards appeared in front of each of them that they picked up. Silky read aloud;” Reporter…” and she disappered. They all looked at each other in shock and terror. Moonface said with a strain in his voice.” Friends, I did not read everything I have in front of aloud. I am not supposed to. But get moving along and do not be scared. Trust me. Each of you read your cards. Our time clock is ticking.” Jo took up his card bravely and said, “ Detective..” .. vanishes… Dick,” Bookstore owner..”
..vanishes… The saucepanman ,” Diamond jweller..”.. vanishes.. Mr.Whatshisname,” Lumberjack..” .. vanishes.. Bessie,” Scheming socialite..” vanishes.. Fanny,” Bookstore assistant..” vanishes.

A Bit of Joe

As I walked down a dusky street of what seemed like a small town from the forties. I stopped to look at a map of the city. My card told me where my office would be. I was a successful private detective. The only private detective in this small town. I smiled to myself. I had always wanted to be a detective from one of those mystery novels. A watch come radio transmitter magically appeared on my hand and I heard Moonface say ,” Joe – keep the transmitter on at all times. I am the only one who can talk to you all at the same time. I know what each of you is doing and will try and keep anyone from breaking the rules. Good luck! I am now going to talk to each of the others…”

I walked up to my office. I opened the door. The view outside was now brilliant. The clouds had cleared and there was a beautiful rainbow outside. Things were looking up. I thought to myself—this ain’t so bad after all. I sure we can find out who the killer is. My pocket started tingling. I felt inside the dark brown overcoat I had been wearing. The card was trying to tell me something. I took the card out. It said – Go down the street to the diamond jewelers shop at once. I rushed out and ran down the street… looking out for the diamond jewelers shop. I heard Bessie scream. I ran into the shop and I found in bessies hand a diamond necklace to go with her elegant dress. The Saucepanman lay in the center of the room. Blood all over the place… Bessie was crying. I thought to myself,” No way Bessie my sweet little sister could have done that… could she have” I pondered. I was horrified. Could this be true? Was the dear Suacepanman really dead? I started to feel like puking.

But something inside me prevailed. I comforted Bessie out of sight. The “press” was here. Silky walked in. She had a camera in her hand. She looked horrified. She then looked at her card- put on a brave face and started taking photographs. I asked silky curiously,” What did it say?” She looked at me pained and said,” You know Joe as much as I do- I can’t tell you that!”

I started looking for clues. I asked no one to touch the body. Dick came running in panting. His bookstore was right across the road. He winced at the gory sight. I saw a note stuffed in a teapot by the Saucepanman. I took it out and read out aloud; “Go ahead - make my day” I looked at the Saucepanman’s wrist. It was missing the transmitter. I looked around and saw that both Fanny and Mr.Whatshisname were missing. I looked at Dick and said, “ Dick was fanny with you?”. He looked at me and said,” Yeah, She was right behind…. “And then he looked at me horrified and started running back across the street. I followed him at equal pace, the others at my heels.

We found her all right. A sweet smile lit her saintly face. I could not stand it. The tips of her fingers were black. Dick looked at me horrified. Bessie had just about stopped crying, started howling again. Silky was abnormally calm for some reason. I could not figure out why. Could she be..

I started looking around for clues. Right beside Fanny was a book with a note sticking out which said, “ Blondie, don’t die blondie.. “. What the hell is this I thought. None of this made sense. Silky went about her way taking photographs. She looked at her card again. And then looked furiously at me. I did not know why! I gave her a curious look …

Mr.Whatshisname walked in. He was wearing an outfit of a lumberjack singing out aloud

I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I work all day.

I cut down trees, I eat my lunch
I go to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays I go shopping and have buttered scones for tea

I cut down trees, I skip and jump
I like to press wild flowers.

I put on women's clothing and hang around in bars.
I cut down trees, I wear high heels
Suspenders and a bra.
I wish I'd been a girlie, just like my dear Papa!!

Just the Lumberjack:
I wish I'd been a girlie, just like my dear Papa!!

And giggling so he came and stopped in his tracks… Horrified. He looked from Joe to Dick to Bessie to dear Silky. We all looked at him in turn. He said,” Where’s the Saucepanman?”. I said,” He’s dead. We just saw his gory body across the street..” He looked at me confused and said,” I just went in there…There was no body.” This was becoming tiresome. As you would have it we rushed across the road to the place where we presumed the Saucepanman was. Mr.Whatshisname was right. There was no body. There was no blood. In fact there was no trace of a murder. The first thought that came to my mind was… had the Saucepanman faked his own death? Was he the killer? This was all too confusing for me.The lights suddenly went out. I heard Mr.Whatshisname scream. And then the lights came on. There was an axe sticking in the lumberjack. Silky started taking pictures. A note was stuck onto the woody part of the axe. I read it out aloud- “I know what you're thinking. "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?” I could not stand it any more. I ran out of the store. Down the street. I needed a Breadth of fresh air.

A Bit of Silky

Silky spoke into the microphone from her newspaper office, “ Moonface we just found Bessie dead. All the bodies have vanished into thin air. I have photos of each of the bodies. I feel like puking but I continue to gaze at them for some clue. I found a note by her that said-“ A man must know his limitations”.. I wanted to give it to Joe but he was nowhere to be seen… Do you think Joe did it?..” Moonface responded in a troubled voice ,” Silky you know that I cannot answer that… Keep at it with the photographs silky. That’s all I can say”.

There was a streak of lightning- and that was when she saw. Silky gave a small scream and ran outside- stuffing all the snuff pictures in her overcoat pocket. She screamed, “Joe wait up.” Joe did not turn back. He just kept running It started raining heavily. There was water all over. And then down an alley, the three that were stood.- Dick, Joe and Silky.

Dick screamed over the thundering rain,” Its one of us. We are all that is left.” Silky looked at them both and said, “ For what its worth, I found a note by Bessie that said a man must know his limitations” They looked at each other in terror. It had come down to this. They each looked at their cards for guidance. Time was almost up.

A little bit of Moonface :

They all were sitting in Moonface’s house on the top but one branch of the Magic Faraway tree. They were all beaming, having goodies and hot choclate and Moonface said particularly to Silky, Dick and Joe,” I knew you guys would figure it out.” Dick looked at Joe and said,” God Joe, what took you so long. I mean after all those Eastwood movies we saw together, I thought you would have it figured by the second chit. I am sorry all of you guys. But I had to “kill” you all to reduce the number of suspects. When I got to Bessie the land of magical mysteries figured out what I was doing and changed the rules of the game, Moonface told me I could not kill anybody else. I built it up so that Jo would get the clues. Silky how did you figure it was me?“ Silky beamed,” The photographs were helpful after all. They all showed the murderer was right handed and Joe is left handed.” They were all happy and Moonface said,” The land of Do as you please is here” They all screamed.

Blogging my blues

Agent P whats playing in your mind right now..

Do ya want to know hostess.. well here goes u asked for it didn’t you..


Gary was a little ant
Who wanted to accomplish big things?
On he went
In a quest to find Scotland
Or something likes that

From that I presume you agree
That “that” did not like something
For if that was.. not the “that” I was talking about
it wouldn’t be a story would it
For Scotland might have been Gary’s plan
But “that” was something’s plan

For any story to progress mathematically
There must be a triangle do u not agree?
And you are right
For in Gary’s absence did “that” pine
For the great Gary who like any hero
Gained prominence only in absence
And not in presence but in dreams
As spread like wildfire of his non-ignominious self

Now if “that” not that had been ugly
There would be no story would there
As would neither if “something” had been
A viva la bene.. to point out I am not talking about “neither”
I hope you understand.. a story needs good and evil
Doesn’t it? For if not you would never think about a bioscope

Three years later did Gary return.. and guess what he was wearing?
A kilt for god sakes.. did I not say he went in search of Scotland?
“that” was there at his return party full of cronies trying to get a dance
Cleavage all about for the hero
And as any good movie would go
Now was a time for a flashback

But this is no ordinary flashback my friend
For here comes another concept of mathematics
Ever heard of an inverse triangle?
Here was one if you could dare question
For Gary had always eyes for …. “something”

And his quest for Scotland had been in the hope of forgetting
His vague vagaries.. and in the misconceptions
That a kilt was a skirt and a land of men in skirts
Would help him forget would it not?
But upon reaching Scotland had he realized
A kilt was a skirt not and there were female vagaries
Everywhere and anywhere

A bene time to introduce another mathematical concept being
1 over infinity has no defined solution
And at this point with each pining for the other
Each and other not being names of ants not adding to any confusion
Does the story end to the user imagination..

The imperfect 10..

I was watching Home improvement after a long time on cable today. This got me want to do a top ten on the English shows I watched while growing up between 3rd and 8th std. Here goes

10) Baywatch – That I started watching in 6th std .. god what an awesome show for delinquents which I am proud to b..:D. .

9) Duck Tales and Talespin- Sunday.. Doordarshan.. What else can I say

8) 21 Jump Street- Became a huge fan of Johnny Depp after I started watching this show. sometime in 4th Std

7) Dharma and Greg- Started watching this in the 7th std. Was in coimbatore then The first two seasons were awesome but then kinda got clichéd

6) Street Hawk – One of a kind on Doordarshan.. something I waited for on Sundays

5) Small wonder- Brilliant show..

4) Home Improvement- agh agh agh… ( pronounced as agh agh agh)..

3) The Wonder Years- Sooper show.. had a big crush on “Winnie Cooper” for a long time

2) M*A*S*H – one of the funniest shows ever.. Alan Alda as Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce was just awesome.. started watching MASH sometime in 6th std too..

1) Star Trek- ( and the Next generation).. inspired SF at the right age…

Another cockroach song!

A cockroach once lived in a cat’s ears
For when the cat was a kitten
It had stumbled upon a hidden lair
And to punish the kitty
The mama cockroach laid an egg
In its ears

From the day that the roach hatched
The kitty’s life was changed for ever
For evil in its stand it was
Whispering to the kitty always
Things like pee on the sofa
Getting it into trouble always

The kitty still had a life of its own
And this started when the roach slept
Eight hours of freedom did it get
And in that eight hours what did the kitty do?
Twas too tired to do anything
It tried to stay awake but its eyes would droop
And soon it too would fall asleep

Sometimes it got up before the roach was up
It tried to tell its master the whole story
It meowed and rubbed against its masters legs
But all that he did was show affection to the kitty
For a couple of minutes and then be on his way

The kitty soon became a cat but
Still controlled by the evil roach in its head
Its master would not forgive its peeing trouble
Anymore as cute
And having researched incontinence so much
Declared that was its problem
And had named her stinky for a reason

For everybody that came along
The cat was so friendly it would meow
Try to tell its poor story
But no one could understand it
All would but pet it and ask
Its master her name
And the master would reply
Well her name is Stinky and the reason u ask?
Is exactly what you think of..

The cat was fed up of being controlled
But what could she do?
She had seeked help from the supposedly greatest
Intelligentsia of the animal kingdom- the humans
But no one had been ever been able to understand her plight
And that was when she met an ant

The ant she befriended when one day the roach slept
Nine hours the roach had been sleeping
Analogous to the cats nine lives you might think
But it had no relation to that

The ant understood at once
What the bad roach had been doing
And valiantly he climbed into her ears
And being the gentleant he did not make a sneak attack
But challenged the roach to a duel

The duel was fought long and hard
And had there not been a fart
From a passing human being which
Was directed directly at the cats face
Which she turned abruptly letting it all
Seep into her ears and not her nose

Like I was saying before
Had it not been for that fart
The battle would have been longer and harder
But this one random event
Killed the tired roach for
It was not fast enough in covering its nose
From this toxic event

The ant climbed out victorious
The befuddled cat impressed
She cried in gratitude to the ant
But the ant being a gentleant
Took no advantage of the situation but said
I will be on my way oh fair cat
And someday you will show the same compassion
That I have shown today

The color Red

The color red is so beautiful
But then I do not understand
Why is the color of blood so gory?
Tell me oh sacred one why?

Is it due to the hemoglobin?
But then that is the carrier of life
Is it not?
Oh sacred one please tell me so

The pigments that cause it to be of the same
Have the same chemical as any other pigment
And yet when someone stabs you in the heart
And the blood oozes out
God it is so gory… sacred one
Please tell me to fear not

Now there are two ways the heart can be stabbed..
By the knife of a surgeon which is bearable
Because you are already high on drugs
But the other unbearable
Oh sacred on please tell that neigh to happen

Lets talk about that
You might ask me why is it so painful
Because in this case you guessed it
The cause is a woman
The stab comes without you knowing it
And you may try the same solution
Of drugging yourself against this unseen wound
But it is two late aint it

You weren’t pre-drugged so to say
And that oh sacred one was the cause
The root cause and I aint talking bout no trees
If you wanna correlate the roots
Beetroot is red too but a different kind of red
And to be politically correct I would say “Native root”
Rather than racially discriminate against the different color red

And too think all this started with the color red…

Goofy would be proud of me

The last five weeks I have been embarrassing myself more than ever in public. Every time I think I cannot better this I somehow manage to do so. Here’s the top five:

5) The first time I have friends in my new ride.. I back straight into a scooter that is parked behind me. Ppl start doubting I even know how to drive..:(

4) As I leave Minneapolis I stop for one last lunch. Leaving the place I back straight into a car parked behind me and to top it all it has a couple sitting inside totally flabbergasted!

3) In the place where I had lunch I drop coffee all over the table and when the waitress gets there I apologize so sheepishly that she starts laughing out so loud that I am even more embarrassed.

2) it’s a Saturday and I am coming out of a post office feeling real peachy and I walk straight into a glass barrier ( just like the saint Gobain add) and almost break my nose. Everybody in there looks at me with pity and horror and thinks I for one am surely on drugs.

1) I think that lunch hour is included in the 8 hour working day. APPARENTLY NOT!