Chandramouli --On the run the continuing adventures:

*inspired to complete the chandramouli trilogy thanks to this bata thatha series that I came across recently...


Chandramouli had decided after his tryst with phorin females that the way to go was arranged marriage So on a trip back home he decided to go the safe way as in arranged dating- the new concept that had evolved in his absence from the country for the last 4 years in his persuit for scientific happiness. Gone were the days were the boy with his parents visited to see the girl. He had seen this happen to his younger uncle and aunts when he was supposedly the cute kid who played cupid. The girl would come into the room full of relatives apparently decked up carrying a tray of tea biscuits and some namkeens and she would be looking down never to face anybody and as she passed the boy one of the relatives had to say, “we oldies should give these youngsters some time alone to decide” and then everybody for apparently no reason would burst out laughing. And as the girl and boy went to the terrace to decide life love and other things the mother would send him to be the “cute cupid” who in actuality prevented any apparent obscenity from happening.

Chandramouli sighed at how easy things had been then. Now the girl wanted to date him to find out how he was and what level was his intellectuality at. Weather he had an opinion on things like global warming ? Very important question. Everybody had their take on global warming these days. Great scientists like – Aishwarya rai, Amith ji and many more such revered scientists. Well at least he was really excited for the first time during his “India trip”. This trip hadn’t been what he had expected it to be. He had expected to be treated like a superstar as he was “phorin return” after all. But nobody had taken notice. Everybody had a son, daughter, uncle or aunt who had been abroad. Rather than be even treated with respect some had gone the other way in accusing him of being unpatriotic in ditching India for the “golden life” to a different country and not staying in India being patriotic and oh of course having opinions on global warming. How could he tell them that there was not one institute that researched in the field of nano paint fabrication or that the governments total budget towards the R and D of scientific technology added up to a gross sum of zero. That the education ministry was more concerned with the number of seats in the iim s rather than be worried about providing primary education to every child? But had he asked these questions he knew the response he would get- “You have no right to be asking “us” these questions u traitor. You should not be talking bad about India. We never do that – we are patriotic” And to top it all most of the girls who were available for arranged dating were scared to go out with him in case a mob decided to molest im-moralistic NRIs.

Finally his mother’s perseverance had paid and a nice Indian sounding named girl – Ramya was his date. His mother had given him strict instructions-
1) Do not try to kiss her on the cheek to say hello – u r not in amrika u know
2) Do not hug her to say good bye
3) Always stay 4 feet away from her
4) Make sure she is wearing a bindi otherwise I am not sure I would be ok with you marrying her
5) And make sure she has earings
6) It’s ok if she is not wearing a nose ring- after all it is the age of women’s lib

He had just nodded his head as he had always done in front of his mom. And now he was waiting at the bus stop for Ramya. He had been advised not to pick her up from home cause it was likely that he would be invited in thus raising the hope of the girl’s parents and this was certainly a no-no. He needed to take their feelings into consideration didn’t he now. He had been waiting fifteen minutes and then he saw a girl on the road divider 18 feet away. She was trying to cross the road but seemed not to know which side she wanted to be on. She would turn one way and then decide that the other way was the way to go. He was piqued by her behavior. Finally she decided to cross the road towards his side. She was wearing salwar kameez , had a bindi and ear rings but no nose ring. And she came upto him and broke his reverie- “Chandramoli..??” and he found himself saying “ yes??” R“ Hi I am Ramya” Now Chandramouli had watched Sivaji and had leant from the thalaver of philosophy how an NRI should behave in india and keeping upto that he found himself saying, “Coool”

They walked to a restaurant which was but 5 feet away. Chandramouli had made sure that the tables in the place measured to be more than 4 feet in width. All was well till now. He smiled when he thought of his friend back in the states. His friend was “liking” a girl in his workplace. But each time he had built up the courage to go ask her out something had befallen the girl- she had ordered lunch, had a doctor’s appointment, had her boss in her cabin and then finally when she had been free she told him that she was going to Washington over the weekend to be with her “new” boy friend. He had cursed himself at his luck but Chandramouli had chuckled at all of this. He was above him for he knew the cause. It was an ardha shastra called the Mothers Ashirvaadam that had protected the son from doing such profanely obscure things.

They talked over lunch. He had made a very good impression on Ramya. Having watched lage raho munnabhai he knew how to impress her as well. He made sure he did not call the waiter as “ chhh chhhhchchchh idhar aa”. That one thing might have as well decided things in his favour. They talked for quite a while and then came the question that would probably twist things in his favor,” what do you think of global warming?”. He was prepared- he said,” I totally agree with Amith ji on that- the devastation that green house gasses are causing mother India is abominal. In fact I cycled all the way here and made sure the restaurant was in walking distance for you as well. So that the only fuel we burnt today was perspiration” She was certainly swayed. He smiled inwardly.

She said to him,” you know I have a confession to make. When I was crossing the road I had second thoughts about meeting you. I thought you would be like all those NRIS like that guy from the movie “Pardes”- Apurva Agnihotri I think and be without any Indian culture and values. But I am so glad to have met you. To be precise the things that sawyed me are that you have an opinion on global warming and you did not order mineral water like Bisleri like all those other NRI freaks” Chandramouli did not have the heart to tell her that he had not touched the water and had not trusted bisleri since the scandal that had showcased that they were using ditch water as a source.
Chandramouli was happy. He thought he had found bliss in it all and as he walked Ramya home she suddenly looked at him extremely cross and said,” Of all the nerve! Just when I thought you werent like all those NRIs you most certainly are you pig how dare you!” Chandramouli was flabbergasted. He did not know what he had done wrong. And then the application of the deep mathematical theory of gamst probability he realized he was but “3 feet” from Ramya.

She walked away in a huff as Chandramouli stood in her wake….

AUTHORS NOTE:

How cool is this I get to do an authors note..:D this story wudnt be possible without a certain chain of events- 1 - A's idea for she was great resource..:) and S's adventures- he helps me out a lot of the times and I would sincerley like to thank the shiv sena for enforcing law and order in india and inspire mobs everywhere to preserve us against western domination... and of course the usual stuff- I do not ascribe to what I write and all..

The Chandramouli stories:

2) Chandramouli - The redux stories

1) Theoretically I knew who the killer was.....

Kung fu Jack ass vs the roach from Outer Space

*when the universe conspires against me- I try and conspire against the universe!

The roaches had escaped into outerspace
Having given up on human kind
And developed an advanced race
On the planet beta K

Having lived out a million genrations
In the time we grew but one day
They were now much more advanced
And their leader named Kniving K
Soon had plans of world domination

She headed the first fleet in a wave
Soon to follow in her depths
And stood at the shores of earth
One fine day which by the way
Was just two days since yesterday

But little did kniVing K expect
That her plans were to be countered
By the one savior humankind did not know of
Who else but the inferior hero
Kung fu Jackass was his name

He had hee haawed all his life
In the back yard of a mortal scientist
And but two days earlier had swallowed
The solution the scientist had left
Unattented in the barnyard
Thinking it to be ass lotion
But in actuality that was
The elixir of an inferior hero

“Hee haw” he brayed having
Flown out to meet the roach invasion
“Who is thy leader” ,he asked
I challenge thee to battle of unwits

K looked at him and laughed
“You dare tread my path
What nonsense do you talk
Unwits you say to the wittiest of all!”

“Kungfu Jackass is my name
Dumbness is my game
Beat me at my own dumbness
And earth will be your game
For if you are able to beat me
Oh kind mistress
George bush will be easy pray!”

And so saying started the battle of unwits they say
A legend was surely created that day
At the shores of earth they still stood
Kniving K having accepted the battle of Unwits
With Kung fu Jackass facing her
Without any fear they say

Many a dumb question was asked
Some of which were
“ if Kniving K is wearing pepe Jeans then who’s
Jean is Pepe wearing?”
“if an ant wears invisible underpants then how will the
Elephant talk to a lion”
“ Will George Bush decide to invade Sweedan
Because they made fun of his underpants”

The battle of unwits was at a standstill
And that was when Kung Fu Jackass
Showed his A game
He looked at Kniving K and asked
“if the answer to all questions of love is 41
And the question to 41 is 22
That but prooves the theorem of life which equates to
If you invade the planet earth
Then you will be married to Kung fu Jackass!”

The roach cried out “you have been defeated!
You did not ask a dumb question in that
You just prooved the answer to life that human kind
Has been looking for their whole measly lives
But you are smart Kung fu Jackass!
For you know now I cannot invade earth
For else I would become Mrs Jackass “


And as the roaches retreated to Beta K
Kung fu Jackass Hee haawed all day
And that is how he saved
All our lame asses that day!



(Jackass pronounced as Chakaaasss with the waving of arms)

This is fourth in the series of roach songs btw:

3)Another Cockroach Song
2)The roach strikes again
1)The Cockroach Song

o mi genoito...

It had been exactly seven days since I had crash landed on a planet in sector alpha1. I was desperately low on supplies, what little I had been able to salvage before my ship had been completely destroyed. So it was just what little was left and my robot companion Gnosi 124.2. I just called it Gnosi. I had waited in vain for someone to come rescue me. I had Gnosi send out a distress signal before the planets gravity had sucked us in. And here we were- man, robot and a little bit in what seemed to be the middle of a desert.

14 days or so

I could not believe I had not been rescued yet. How could this be I asked myself? Surely it was just around the corner-- my rescue that is. I had run out of all supplies of nutrition. I at least had an endless supply to water thanks to Gnosi who was able to harvest moisture. Without it I would surely be dead by now. But then that was its function – keeping me alive. I couldn’t believe the helplessness that I was feeling. Twenty seven thousand years of evolution had yielded in nothing but a simpleton as far as knowledge of science went. I did not know the principles of radio wave transmissions…. Heck given umpteen resources I was sure I could not make much out of that. I was like an ancient baboon in a nudist bar.

20 days or so- conversations with Gnosi

“Gnosi are you capable of intelligent conversations?” I asked. “ That depends on what you might observe as the definition of intelligence Daskalos San” it replied. I could not believe it! All this while I had thought him to be a junk programmed to serve me. I looked at him ( I had just decided to elevate it to a him ) and asked curiously, “ why have you never spoken so to me before?”. “Daskalos San you never asked before for me to carry out what you call coherent conversation”. My curiosity was now piquing me,” Gnosi, Do you know where we are? Are you capable of radio transmission? “ Gnosi replied,” Daskalos San we are on the planet known to the supreme race of the beta quadrant as Meno Makria Kronos in the sector alpha 1 and No” I continued,” Gnosi I have been devoid of conversation of any kind for the past 20 odd days. I apologize for taking you to a metal heap retard. I have another question for you(I paused).. are you allowed to speculate?” Gnosi said “ Yes… “( a long pause) “to be or not to be that is the question is it not”

He had just done what I had asked him to do.

I thought to myself when I had taken the job of flying the research vessel --- Phoenix 2 … I would now make enough to live the rest of life in luxury. I was a pilot not a rocket scientist. My comprehension of any electronic principle was minimal. I had in fact been sent to flight school because I had failed fourth grade. I was dubbed by any standard of society to be a dunce who had a flair for picking up languages very quickly. I was starting to figure Gnosi bit by bit. I looked at him and said,” Gnosi , do you think we should venture out to cross this desert to find food?” Gnosi ,” ………………………..(pause)…….I think that would be the best solution Daskalos San. I studied the topography as we were being pulled down for this very quest. We should head north. That would mean 3 days travel to a proper source of nutrition.


35 days or so

“ Gnosi we have been wandering these vast grasslands for a week now…” I had grown thin. I had... it seemed over estimated Gnosi after grossly underestimating him. In saying a proper source of nutrition he had assumed the carbohydrates from the grass would be enough to sustain my life. He had not known my poor underdeveloped digestive system would not allow that! As we had reached the grasslands I had at once seen the error in his calculation. I had lost at least close to 20 pounds having not eaten a morsel in the last twenty days. Gnosi was now carrying me all the time. That was eating into his hibernation cycle as well when he could recharge his batteries. He was not designed to carry a human across a thousand miles was he now! I smiled at the irony that stared at me in all four directions.

“I think the only way to survive for the seven more days you say will get us to a proper nutrition source, no strings attached, is that ….” I paused –I could not believe I was saying this … “ is that I feed on my own flesh…” Gnosi ,” Yes according to your calculations...” .. I said “ I cannot cut my own flesh Gnosi. I give you the command to cut flesh from the appropriated parts of my body and help me consume it”

I screamed in pain. I was crying like a baby. I could not believe what I had just done. I tried to eat my flesh but had vomited violently. I had then made Gnosi force feed me. I continued vomiting as Gnosi said;” Daskalos san we must keep moving to keep to your timetable” So we continued having sterilized my self inflicted wounds. To take my mind off the pain I started bantering,” Gnosi… the great robot … made the biggest error of calculation.. thought I could consume grass and live… what an idiot… “ Gnosi said, ” Daskalos san I did not make an error… you can still consume the grass”. I thought I was delirious.” What do you mean… I cannot digest grass you know that… “ Gnosi said,” But Daskalos san I can break down the grass into concentrated doses of carbo-hydrates that can be consumed…” I looked at him in all my pain ,” Why Gnosi did you not tell me this before? Why have you betrayed me so? “

Gnosi simply said,” Daskalos san- you did not ask” . I passed out


43 days- the tribe

I could not believe I was among a tribe of anthropoids of a primitive state of evolution. They were nursing me back to health. Gnosi was making sure of that. The past few days were a haze to me. Gnosi had been carrying me when we had come across these tribal hunters in the twilight of one of the days- I cannot remember which. He had shone his beacon brightly and everybody had bowed down to us and now I was almost back to full health.

30 years – Thanatos

As per my wishes Gnosi had brought me away from the tribe quietly into the mountains. I was now only hours away from death. I was feeling scared. I looked at Gnosi and said,” Gnosi what does your name mean and why have you called me Daskalos all these years?” I did not expect an answer. I was just babbling in a fear of the darkness that lay ahead. Gnosi replied, ” Gnosi means knowledge and Daskalos means teacher. You are my teacher Daskalos san” I had never really thought there had been a meaning behind the name of my companion of 30 years. I continued ,” Gnosi what languaage is this you speak of? After all these years it strikes me the name of the planet you told me off also has the same roots. Wait… This is ancient greek isnt it? What does the name of this planet mean?” Gnosi replied,” Stay off the planet Kronos”. It took me a while to assimilate what he had just said. It started to make sense – why I had been abandoned so… but I needed a closure to this issue. I had figured out that Gnosi knew the answers to my unanswered questions of 30 years past. I had at many times almost brought myself to ask them but hadnt with the power and prominence I had gained on Kronos and more importantly due to an inherent fear. But now the time had come. I asked and Gnosi replied,” Daskalos san, this is the planet which is the future of the galaxy. But till they discover to ride out to the stars the human race is not to come into any form of contact with them. The Elders had thus named the planet so. When you crashed into the planet you inadvertently broke the rule. In the final few hours before the crash I was contacted by the elders and told of your fate. Deep mathematical calculations of probability and the application of the Zimba theory of probabable patternification had yeilded in but one answer. Your abandonment….” I started seeing blackness.i tried to look at Gnosi and said,” My companion I shall have my last laugh at the elders….. I ask you to destroy yourself once I am gone of all repository of knowledge that you have gained of my actions over the last 30 years…. “

I took one last breath and said..” Gnosi goodbye my good friend…..”


1000 years--- The legend

There where temples in every city every town every village of the most prosperous civilization of the alpha quadrant. The existence of the elders and the human race was not known to anyone in the quadrant anymore. Their existence a mere fleck of the past oceans of time.The temples had but one deity- “ Daskalos our creator destroyer and preserver “and overseeing the main deity room was a smaller deity of Gnosi- his able companion to the end… Daskalos was god...



Ancient greek vocab-- o mi genoito=God forbid Thanatos= death

The Flu Season- the stories related to possibly the third dimension

(inspired to write a ghost story by a twelve year olds blog that i cam across recently..)

Twelve ghosts congregated at the round table at exactly 12.01 am. They were the twelve ghosts of the high council. Their numbers were suddenly dwindling as was always at this time of the year. They did not know why. They had taken all the precautions they could. But it was always the same. At this time of year the number of mysterious disappearances was always more. And additions to the tribe had been on the decline as well. The last major surge in the population of the tribe had been in 1945 to be precise August 9th, 1945. That had been a magnificent day for the tribe for the additions had been invaluable. In fact the senator who headed the high council had been a mind created on that day. In his election speeches and campaign he had never been shy to advertise that fact to his advantage.

As a species they did not know of their origins yet. They just knew they got created out of apparent nothingness and were found initially wandering aimlessly till the preservers came got them. The preservers are a squadron that has existed from the earliest of settlements with dated records going back about 10000 years. The preservers would find” the loiters” and bring them back to the tribes based on mathematical statistics for proper equivalent distribution. “The loiters” now known as babies were prone to odd behavior and are sent to schools to learn the ways of the society they are going to reside in. The teachers have documented into categories the odd behavior over the years. Some would come in barking at everyone, some meowed and growled, and some would talk gibberish. But there was always the one baby that behaved outside of the known realms.

The various scientific brains had contemplated on origins for centuries past. The debate raged on without a clue as such. One of the brilliant ghosts of all time had come closest to disclosing somewhat of an extraordinary finding. As every brilliant mind would be prone to he too had his eccentricities. As a baby his teachers had documented extremely odd behavior. His birth date he had himself accurately zoned down to April 18th 1955 and had subsequently pioneered the game theory to predict the actual birth date of anyone. And during one of his famous speeches to the teachers’ society of Bethlehem he had introduced the concept of a name and ventured into a theory of existence before the baby stage. He said henceforth he would be addressed as Albert. Whoever had even known the need to have a “name”. It was now fashionable to do so now! His life’s work was dedicated to find a unifying theory that would explain it all. He had been on the verge of revealing so on the night of his sudden disappearance. Even the brilliant are not protected from the mysterious. In later years many have tried to decipher his notes but none have concretely succeeded. One theory that the scientific community had widely accepted was the existence before the baby stage which explained much of the residual behavior.

The mysterious disappearance from existence back to nothingness had never been deciphered either. Various myths and legends had been adopted by the general masses. During this season they would not venture out to even look for fresh carbon monoxide – their chief nutrient of sustenance. They always contorted their shape to resemble that of a cross to ward of the evil. Albert’s greatest contribution had been in giving scientific proof to the existence of these evil wards- “the HUMANs”. No one had ever found physical proof but Albert had propounded the famous el-gizno paradox, i.e., if we were to find means or ways of traveling at the speed of light then as we travel at the speed of light time being circular in nature would come to a standstill and we would be looking at not only ourselves at that point of time but parallelly the humans from the third dimension- the paradox being if we did so the whole time space continuum would collapse onto itself.

The senator addressed the high council, “Dear all—we are hence gathered to discuss…”... he started turning white... a smooth wind started blowing… all in the high council went paranoid… they contorted into crosses to save each his own… and then the senator disappeared with the noise that always accompanied the disappearance- “AAAAAAAcccchhhHHHHHooooOOO”… the squadron came in.. they all looked devastated at their loss… life was always so suddenly taken away… nobody could understand it….they all looked solemn and prayed for the good senators passing

The third dimension:


A little girl who was enjoying the sunshine – the last few days before the winter came... sneezed – “AAAAAAAcccchhhHHHHHooooOOO” and her grandfather at once sang:


O little granddaughter of mine
Sneeze not so loud
For a legend that was created in Ireland
Sung from generation to generation

It is said as the warmth of
the sun recedes for the season
Tis’ the time among others
Known as the flu season

And through this season
Every time does one sneeze softly!
Covering thy nose
Does one liberate our ancestors from
Their painful existence they say

And doing so do we earn
A passage to the lord almighty
For the help we give in doing so
Pays for our own passage some day

The little girl said exasperated” Oh grandpa! You are such a liar. I am not five anymore you know. ….”

How to gain 10 pounds in 5 weeks..

I once traveled to Africa
In search of tropical rain forests
To get away from the tides of the city
In search for a solitude
For never had I been more lost
Innocence, security and belief in the divine

I refused guidance
For a pride not of lions
It’s easy to be confused
For I did say I was in Africa
But far from the Savannah

So without guidance I forayed
Into the unknown apparently brave
With an attitude so frivolous
That it put fear even in me
Of why was I taking things so easy

A brash attitude I would say
But with no one to correct me
And not one knowing what I felt
Not for any reason but mine
For I thought I was being brave in shielding
The ones I love from unnecessary tensions

My brash attitude would be soon broken
For I knew it had to
It was not my way but
The way of life for I
The way it always has
Throwing many surprises along the way

Even in my solitude the people I shielded
Sensed my worries in different ways
And found ways to be worried
Even though a thousand miles away

And people I chose to confide in to
Bear the burden I felt
Found ways to comfort me
With a solidarity I will not forget

I rediscovered a friendship as always
In selfish times for myself
But totally selfless in the other
And had a little fun in the process
Teaching myself again the happiness
In creating an unknown adventure
And believing in the divine

As was always it ended
In a moment of extreme relief and happiness
And as I thought before I slept
I should treasure this for
I was sure to find ways to complicate
The following with umpteen self created problems

And I did just as I suspected…..


“To all those who have shown solidarity through these “selfishly” hard times I salute all of thee--- SAN,H,SU,SH,JB,G(for the records known as K),P,KC,P…..and of course Ch……

Babys day out...

Science fiction lovers of the early 20th century had always assumed or maybe hoped that in 100 years from then the human race would have made contact, the big influences being Asimov, Star trek and so on. It has been 340 years since the dawn of the 21st century and the human race remains the only species capable of even primitive radio transmission in the whole alpha quadrant. The human race has spread to colonize a minuscule part of the Milky Way galaxy. Starting with the planet mars the human race has never really looked back. We have now reached the Alpha Centauri system of stars. Three planets of Centauri B and a couple of planets of Proxima had been found suitable for human inhabitation. Another thing that the people from the 20th century were scared of was the third world war. In that assumption too they were wrong. The fact was that by the end of the 21st century every government in the world had second and third generation immigrants from either China or the Indian subcontinent. There was no question of a war. Of course you might not know where China is located or where the Indian Subcontinent is huh- Luke... Luke

“Shut the fuck up and fly this goddamned garbage disposal crate… god… man ... can’t you ever stop about the 20th century,,, no wonder you can never get laid man… if it were up to me I would put you in an escape pod and dump you on the second moon of Gaya” Saying so Luke took off to find his bunk. I smiled. My father had been in the garbage business, as had been my grandfather, as had been my great grandfather- who was among the first settlers. Things had been much tougher then. We for generations had run garbage crates dumping them into the proximity of Centauri A. The family had made itself quite a bit of money. My father had great plans for the business and for me. But I wanted nothing to do with this. This was not where my dreams or aspirations ended. I had wanted to be a historian, dealing with the 20th century. And to pursue my hobby I continued to operate this crate because it gave me time to pursue my hobby – away from the eyes of my family who thought me to be loony. Ah well now that I was alone on deck I started work on my paper on the influence of Quentin Tarentino’s movies on the late 20thcentury society. I had been secretly preparing to apply to the Martian university of arts and culture in quadrant beta Z. That was when I heard Luke scream.

I brought the crate to a standstill. We were about 1.247 light years from Gaya, the fourth planet from Proxima. I walked into bay 2. Luke was there looking at me horrified. He had the monitor on garbage crate 2. I saw why he was convalescing. There was a distinct shape of a body there. I asked Luke to calm down. I started to suite up. I asked Luke to radio ahead to the authorities. I got into the pressure chamber. It still took about 23 minutes and 7 seconds to get the body acclimatized to the pressure change. Finally I was able to maneuver myself to crate 2.

I got back to bay 2 a bit out of breadth. That did not stop me from vomiting all over the floor as I took off the shield protection. I called out for Luke. Luke was right in front of me. His face was blue but he lay there serenely. I pulled myself together and checked for a pulse. Luke was dead. Oh my god- this could not be happening. Luke was like a half brother to me. We had grown up together. I ran out of the room into the lavatory- Puked all over the floor and started crying like a baby. A part of me wanted to keep doing that. But something inside me made me crash me head into the stern and brought me to me senses. I washed me face with some cold water. Oh and did I tell you why I was puking before I saw Luke? NO- I was not suffering from diarrhea and my guts are not equivalent to a little girl who has lost her lolly. I had found the body in crate 2 all right. And I knew whose it was too- Senator Seldon- Hari Seldon. This did not make any sense. I got back to the deck and switched on to a news channel. It was all over broadcast channels all right. There was blood hunt on for the kidnappers of the senator. And that was when I heard the name of my crate being mentioned and that the authorities were on the lookout for us.

I got hold of a paper bag and started breathing into it. I wasn’t afraid of the authorities but was sure that my father would murder me. I sat down to think. I closed my eyes and started to think of Sara. That calmed me down. I got myself together for the second time that night. I checked to see if Luke had indeed followed my orders for once and radioed for help. For the first time in my life I felt gratitude to the fact that Luke had not followed orders! Luke –poor Luke… I had to do something. I knew I could not land on Gaya with 2 bodies on board. I could just go ahead to Centauri A and dump my cargo with the bodies. But then all the routes would be monitored and I wouldn’t get as far as a parsec. I was a sitting duck either way. And that was when it struck me. Luke had been doing some idle banter earlier in the evening and all of that started to make sense. I chartered a course to Gaya and radioed ahead to the authorities-,” Enterprise to Watch tower 2... Enterprise to watch tower 2… Just heard the news. I am coming in with cargo… I am not a fugitive… I repeat I am not a fugitive… I am coming in… Hold off any fire …” I got an acknowledgment from watch tower 2 within seconds,” Enterprise this is Polize chief O Brien… acknowledged… this might be a mistake about your crate… but in every quadrant you still are a fugitive of the law. I would advice to ease your crate in…” I had about 27 minutes to Gaya. I had to act quickly. I dragged the senators and Luke’s bodies into the escape pod. You see there was a so called blind zone as you go around the dark side of beta K – the second moon of Gaya! And as we rounded the second moon I dumped the pod. Exactly 7 minutes later I landed on Gaya.

7 Days later...

Luke was sitting in front of me with Sara by his side. “You know you outdid yourself kid by figuring it out” I looked at him and looked away and got back to my drink. He smirked,” Common don’t be a baby. I couldn’t have done anything else. I gave you a fighting chance kid and I knew you would figure it out. I had my own ass to protect too. The plan I came up with was perfect… ” I continued as he continued to smirk,” So you injected yourself with paraketenomycin. That cut killed your sensories but kept you brain function intact. And you had Sara waiting on beta K with the ketamone antidote that restored all function. You also managed to get rid of the senators body there and then stop by to corroborate my story that you had missed the junk in the last space station which you needed no guessing at thanks to the powerful media that had my fantastic story on every galactic channel. You got paid off well for carrying out the perfect assassination didn’t you. I can’t tell anybody cause I can’t corroborate the true story can I after all I did to get off meself… “ I drank … He looked at me and said,” Kiddo you take care… enjoy yourself on Mars… you aint cut out for this business… for that any business.. ” He smirked and walked out with Sara arm in arm…. I looked at Sara’s fleeting figure and got back to my 4th….

The land of Magical Mysteries

The land that came and went

It was Sunday again which meant it was finally the day off for the children. Joe, Besse, Fanny and Dick were all exited. Mother (Aunt to Dick) had said they could be off for the whole day and was packing them some cool cucumber sandwiches and cranberry juice. Singing in unison as the sun shone brightly they walked towards the enchanted wood. As they crossed over the border into the enchanted wood they could hear all the large redwood trees go “ Wisha Wisha Wisha”… Dick put his ear against one of the nice tall redwood trees and he heard them whisper,” We all welcome our friends who have helped preserve this forest and magical folk umpteen number of times with open branches” Dick laughed. Soon they where upon the largest tree in the forest where all their friends were at.. Little Silky, Moonface, Dame Washalot, Whathisname, the Sauscepanman, the angry pixie…

The red squirrel was waiting for them at the foot of the tree. “ Oh young sirs and madams, Moonface and the others are expecting you. I will let them know that you are here and he will let the basket down.” They were all happy to oblige. The day was rather warm to be climbing the tree all the way up. Soon one of Dame Washalots huge baskets came bumping down. They all got in and tugged on the rope. It went up like a roller coaster making it all the way up to Moonface’s house in no time. They knocked on the door to be welcomed by an aroma that tingled their senses beyond control. Moonface was beaming at them. He said,” Want a toffeshock?”. They all screamed,” Not now Moonface”

The Wrong Land of Dreams

“ What land is up in the cloud Moonface?”, asked Jo. “ It’s the land of Do as you please in an hour!”, beamed Moonface. The children all screamed in delight. An hour later they all climbed up the ladder into the cloud. One by one- Moonface, Silky, Fanny, Bessie, Jo, The saucepan man, Mr.Whatshisname and finally Dick. Once they were all up into the land was when it all went dark. A cloud cover cut the sunshine out with an eerie noise started playing in the background. Jo looked at Moonface and he saw something that had he had never seen terror on Monfaces’s face. Until then he had not felt scared. But now…

Everybody started screaming at once when Moonface shouted the loudest. “Calm down everyone. Do not be scared. Looks like we made a mistake with when the land of do as you please arrives.” Suddenly Silky screamed,” Look there is a round table and there are exactly 8 chairs”. They all walked towards it and saw there where 8 name cards with each of their names on it. Not knowing what else to do they sat down by their name tags. Once seated, a card magically appeared in front of Moonface. He read out aloud,” This is the land of magical mysteries. Moonface – you have been chosen to be the leader and moderator of this group. Now as we go along – each of you will be assigned a role- 4 strangers, a detective, a killer and a reporter based on an inner reading of you minds and abilities. The rules of the game are simple:

1) the killer can never proclaim to be the killer
2) the rest cannot lie about being the killer to put themselves above suspicion
3) you have 7 magical hours ( equivalent to 7 minutes in earth time) to rat out the killer
4) If you cannot rat out the killer or you break the rules you will be trapped in the land of magical mysteries forever…..

Now that Moonface had read his card- cards appeared in front of each of them that they picked up. Silky read aloud;” Reporter…” and she disappered. They all looked at each other in shock and terror. Moonface said with a strain in his voice.” Friends, I did not read everything I have in front of aloud. I am not supposed to. But get moving along and do not be scared. Trust me. Each of you read your cards. Our time clock is ticking.” Jo took up his card bravely and said, “ Detective..” .. vanishes… Dick,” Bookstore owner..”
..vanishes… The saucepanman ,” Diamond jweller..”.. vanishes.. Mr.Whatshisname,” Lumberjack..” .. vanishes.. Bessie,” Scheming socialite..” vanishes.. Fanny,” Bookstore assistant..” vanishes.

A Bit of Joe

As I walked down a dusky street of what seemed like a small town from the forties. I stopped to look at a map of the city. My card told me where my office would be. I was a successful private detective. The only private detective in this small town. I smiled to myself. I had always wanted to be a detective from one of those mystery novels. A watch come radio transmitter magically appeared on my hand and I heard Moonface say ,” Joe – keep the transmitter on at all times. I am the only one who can talk to you all at the same time. I know what each of you is doing and will try and keep anyone from breaking the rules. Good luck! I am now going to talk to each of the others…”

I walked up to my office. I opened the door. The view outside was now brilliant. The clouds had cleared and there was a beautiful rainbow outside. Things were looking up. I thought to myself—this ain’t so bad after all. I sure we can find out who the killer is. My pocket started tingling. I felt inside the dark brown overcoat I had been wearing. The card was trying to tell me something. I took the card out. It said – Go down the street to the diamond jewelers shop at once. I rushed out and ran down the street… looking out for the diamond jewelers shop. I heard Bessie scream. I ran into the shop and I found in bessies hand a diamond necklace to go with her elegant dress. The Saucepanman lay in the center of the room. Blood all over the place… Bessie was crying. I thought to myself,” No way Bessie my sweet little sister could have done that… could she have” I pondered. I was horrified. Could this be true? Was the dear Suacepanman really dead? I started to feel like puking.

But something inside me prevailed. I comforted Bessie out of sight. The “press” was here. Silky walked in. She had a camera in her hand. She looked horrified. She then looked at her card- put on a brave face and started taking photographs. I asked silky curiously,” What did it say?” She looked at me pained and said,” You know Joe as much as I do- I can’t tell you that!”

I started looking for clues. I asked no one to touch the body. Dick came running in panting. His bookstore was right across the road. He winced at the gory sight. I saw a note stuffed in a teapot by the Saucepanman. I took it out and read out aloud; “Go ahead - make my day” I looked at the Saucepanman’s wrist. It was missing the transmitter. I looked around and saw that both Fanny and Mr.Whatshisname were missing. I looked at Dick and said, “ Dick was fanny with you?”. He looked at me and said,” Yeah, She was right behind…. “And then he looked at me horrified and started running back across the street. I followed him at equal pace, the others at my heels.

We found her all right. A sweet smile lit her saintly face. I could not stand it. The tips of her fingers were black. Dick looked at me horrified. Bessie had just about stopped crying, started howling again. Silky was abnormally calm for some reason. I could not figure out why. Could she be..

I started looking around for clues. Right beside Fanny was a book with a note sticking out which said, “ Blondie, don’t die blondie.. “. What the hell is this I thought. None of this made sense. Silky went about her way taking photographs. She looked at her card again. And then looked furiously at me. I did not know why! I gave her a curious look …

Mr.Whatshisname walked in. He was wearing an outfit of a lumberjack singing out aloud

I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I work all day.

I cut down trees, I eat my lunch
I go to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays I go shopping and have buttered scones for tea

I cut down trees, I skip and jump
I like to press wild flowers.

I put on women's clothing and hang around in bars.
I cut down trees, I wear high heels
Suspenders and a bra.
I wish I'd been a girlie, just like my dear Papa!!

Just the Lumberjack:
I wish I'd been a girlie, just like my dear Papa!!

And giggling so he came and stopped in his tracks… Horrified. He looked from Joe to Dick to Bessie to dear Silky. We all looked at him in turn. He said,” Where’s the Saucepanman?”. I said,” He’s dead. We just saw his gory body across the street..” He looked at me confused and said,” I just went in there…There was no body.” This was becoming tiresome. As you would have it we rushed across the road to the place where we presumed the Saucepanman was. Mr.Whatshisname was right. There was no body. There was no blood. In fact there was no trace of a murder. The first thought that came to my mind was… had the Saucepanman faked his own death? Was he the killer? This was all too confusing for me.The lights suddenly went out. I heard Mr.Whatshisname scream. And then the lights came on. There was an axe sticking in the lumberjack. Silky started taking pictures. A note was stuck onto the woody part of the axe. I read it out aloud- “I know what you're thinking. "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?” I could not stand it any more. I ran out of the store. Down the street. I needed a Breadth of fresh air.

A Bit of Silky

Silky spoke into the microphone from her newspaper office, “ Moonface we just found Bessie dead. All the bodies have vanished into thin air. I have photos of each of the bodies. I feel like puking but I continue to gaze at them for some clue. I found a note by her that said-“ A man must know his limitations”.. I wanted to give it to Joe but he was nowhere to be seen… Do you think Joe did it?..” Moonface responded in a troubled voice ,” Silky you know that I cannot answer that… Keep at it with the photographs silky. That’s all I can say”.

There was a streak of lightning- and that was when she saw. Silky gave a small scream and ran outside- stuffing all the snuff pictures in her overcoat pocket. She screamed, “Joe wait up.” Joe did not turn back. He just kept running It started raining heavily. There was water all over. And then down an alley, the three that were stood.- Dick, Joe and Silky.

Dick screamed over the thundering rain,” Its one of us. We are all that is left.” Silky looked at them both and said, “ For what its worth, I found a note by Bessie that said a man must know his limitations” They looked at each other in terror. It had come down to this. They each looked at their cards for guidance. Time was almost up.

A little bit of Moonface :

They all were sitting in Moonface’s house on the top but one branch of the Magic Faraway tree. They were all beaming, having goodies and hot choclate and Moonface said particularly to Silky, Dick and Joe,” I knew you guys would figure it out.” Dick looked at Joe and said,” God Joe, what took you so long. I mean after all those Eastwood movies we saw together, I thought you would have it figured by the second chit. I am sorry all of you guys. But I had to “kill” you all to reduce the number of suspects. When I got to Bessie the land of magical mysteries figured out what I was doing and changed the rules of the game, Moonface told me I could not kill anybody else. I built it up so that Jo would get the clues. Silky how did you figure it was me?“ Silky beamed,” The photographs were helpful after all. They all showed the murderer was right handed and Joe is left handed.” They were all happy and Moonface said,” The land of Do as you please is here” They all screamed.